That felt like a pretty depressing thought to me, lol. So I refused to believe it and decided to think about it more.
And fortunately, (thank God), upon closer reflection, 2012 has been so much more than just a river-top skim-through for this seemingly unmotivated girl who has too many dreams and makes too many excuses about not having enough time to pursue them.
In truth, I could've achieved much more in 2012, but in truth, I also could've achieved much less. This was a year a great year of change, and a great many lessons learnt, many of which were painful, but essential. I experienced the lowest points in my life--betrayal, backstabbing, topic of rancid gossip, hypocracy--but I also experienced some of my happiest moments--realising who my true friends are, having them stand by me, care for me, and myself finally being able to truly open up to people and not being afraid of having them know who I really am.
I don't think of myself as a very good person at all. I'm flawed, I have infinite shortcomings, and there's so much of my innate nature that I want to change and fix, but I shall leave that in God's good and glorious hands. I have tried too often to change things on my own, without seeking Him first, and trying to take the reins of my life from His hands into my own hands, but I realise this year, that I have failed horribly. I'm not the one who's meant to be in control, He is. :) He always has, but He gave me a chance to see firsthand why He does the things He does the way He does.
So I want to look back on the major milestones this year, and reflect/reminisce upon them. Although I believe it is the little things in life that can make or break a person and remain etched in his memory forever, I want to remember the major events as well, to see how much has changed, and how much everyone has been through this year.
(On a sidenote: I am thankful I am active on fb because it gives such a comprehensive summary of the year's major events whoohoo)
January
Wow, I almost forgot that in January 2012, I was still in the Blast! 11th Committee and still doing work for the comm... It actually feels like years ago since I did that sort of stuff. I only retired half a year ago...? No way! D:
January was the beginning of a crucial sem, where I had to ensure that I did well in order to be able to do Honours in my fourth year. I had never been so fearful of my studies before (even though actually I wasn't THAT fearful to be honest) because I didn't know anything about my future (I still don't) and the only thing I knew that I knew was that I didn't want to graduate in 2012. So Jan marked the start of the sem where I had to obtain reasonable results. (and also the sem where I spent half my time drawing for schoolwork heh)
I think DP 2012 was in Jan as well, but I didn't dance during this DP. It was this DP that made me decide that I am definitely going to dance for DP 2013. :)
February
When I first went on an overseas trip with friends. It was for our Thai painting and drawing module, and I got to know many people outside of my dance circle on a closer level. Those girls have always been supportive of me and my dreams, and will always remain one of my strongest and closest sources of encouragement.
This was also the month that I decided to do something significant on V-Day. I decided to face my feelings and be strong and brave for once, and although it came to naught in the end, I don't regret what I did, and I (hope I) am a braver person now, who is more honest with herself than before.
March
I took part in my first ever 2V2 battle with the person who would soon become my EMCC Co-Choreographer and a dear friend. :) We still can't believe we made it to Top 4 in the event! Really learnt a lot over that period. I also grew with the Juniors (now turned Seniors) during their Impre training period and got to know them from a friendly perspective. (I am so glad I got to know and became close to someone like Sabbie) I also had to say a temporary goodbye to a very special person, who I would only be reunited with a few months down the road.
April
The month of DU 2012, as well as crazy study sessions in U-Town (where I spent half my time painting my final artwork instead of studying). Although I only did 1 item for DU this time, it was a really fun experience, still. :) For my last DU in 2013, I want to do more than 1 item. And I decided that I really want to choreo that Graduating Seniors Piece that we've been considering for so long.
Also, it's so strange to look back now and see how close I was to some people back then.
People really do change and move on, don't they?
May
When we bid our Creddie a temporary goodbye! Danz People Recital was also during this period, my first Studio recital ever. :) And I am glad this was my first experience, because it really was a good one. :) Did dt's item, got to know the LB crew, and many other lovely and awesome dancers. It was an honour to share the stage with them.
I think D3 was also released during this period MWAHA I remember Wilson Joey WS and I going crazy partying up every night after S24 pracs ended! Wow those were fun times. D3 isn't so fun when you don't play with crazy people lol.
June
S24 - who can forget this phenomenal experience?!? It had been such a long time since I had taken part in a competition. And this competition was such a different one, I think I learnt a lot as a choreographer, a dancer and a team player during this period. Also had my first part-time F&B job at coco during this period! Interesting experience indeed. Also, Blast! goes to Hogwarts and Warhol! LOL.
July
#theperfectwedding: Michelle and Yongkai's wedding! The much anticipated Blast+MJ Wedding ever. Also attended my dear Kris's convocation and took crazy photos with the graduating friends! Matric fair was also during this period.
Also, Spontaneous S24 Running Man game! Even though I hardly knew anything about Running Man here, I started watching it because of this game lol. Wow it was amazing how our lovely PD-nims just came together and organised the whole thing for us! Crazy stuff. They really made it happen and that day was so amazingly fun!
We were all still friends up to here. I think.
August
Shows and performance spammage! CFA House Party, Science O Week, GAP, Play!... Did a few shows with Cred, it was really fun training with them. :) Recognize Recital was also at the end of this month which was a crazy clash with everything, but an experience that I will never regret. :) (so glad that this was my second studio experience) Did Amsyar's item and am inspired by the crazy talented dancers within that item once again. It was lovely to see those familiar R! faces from the perf years ago. ^_^ I was also reunited with the aforementioned special person. ^_^
I think this is when it started to all fall apart.
September
Possibly the biggest concert of my life to date - SUAD 2012. This time I decided to focus on DANCING instead of choreographing, and this was my first time doing 5 items for a concert. (wow it really was no joke) It was one heck of an emotional rollercoaster with its own blog post to talk about it so yea. :P
Also went for my first concert ever, Big Bang Alive this month! The tickets cost a bomb, but it was really a crazy experience being in the mosh with all the fellow VIPs! Jiayi Soosoo and I really had a good time, and we could see each of the member's faces up close thanks to the extension stage.
My birthday was also during this month hurhur and I honestly thought everyone would just forget about it till the day itself and then awkwardly wish me before going back to SUAD rehearsals. But my friends are amazing and I had a wonderful day. I had a blog post specially for this as well.
October
First official RANXM outing! :D It's been more than one year since this seemingly random crew was formed, and now it's awesome to see how we've all grown as individuals and as friends. This group of people are some of the closest dears I have in my life, and every moment spent with them just seems too short. They have always been there to support me to their fullest, and I know that they will always be there for me, regardless of the things that happen around us. :) Our outing was crazy fun, even though I don't like fright nights and Halloween events, but going with RANXM, Nina and Gina really made it so much fun. :) The overnight hotel stay was so fun too. I have crazy friends hurhur. (they're also crazy, so I'm so thankful I got to have them to myself for one whole night) My next wish is to go on an overseas trip with them. :)
I think my dear BLB was formed around this period as well, another group of babes that I am so thankful for, babes that have pulled me out of the darkest moments this year, and dears who are willing to listen to my senseless rantings and are always always willing to spend time with me. Thank you BLB. :)
November
10-11-12 The Perfect Proposal :) People say marriage is one of life's milestones, and if I can't experience my own, I am honoured to have been part of another's experience, especially one of that of my close friends. ^_^ I'm really honoured to have helped organised and choreographed and been a part of this crazy and moving and tear-inducing stunt. And, of course, it has its own blog post.
AFA with the hall otakus renewed my inspiration to get a table at Cosfest and AFA in 2013 :) Though it was short, I really had a lot of fun nerding around with the girls. Can't wait for 2013's! The Kpop perf with the girls was fun too.
December
My second concert experience was 2NE1's Evolution concert! They are so amazing and inspiring (especially my baddest girl, CL) and Jiayi and I really enjoyed watching them sing, dance and perform their hearts out. My first time to Europe also took place in December with my folks. :) Switzerland + Paris + London were fun! Though I spent half the time worrying about EMCC and DP, I think it was a much needed break and separation for me. These hols were pretty happening, but before I realised it, they're kinda drawing to an end.
***
What a lengthy reflection LOL. 2012 was indeed a year of many firsts. It was pretty nostalgic to look back on all those photos, realising how many of those moments will never be captured the same way ever again, but still being thankful that they happened, and that we are now reaping the fruit of their consequences.
2012 hasn't been a skim-through year. It didn't zoom by in a flash, it wasn't a blur of events.
I was fully conscious of everything that took place. I know what happened, I know now what I didn't know back then. I know who my real friends are, I know what works for me, I know what I fail horribly at, I know why things happened, why some people hate me now, and why nothing I say or do will ever change their mind.
But well, what other people think of me is none of my business. :) False rumours, misunderstandings, gossip and lies will all fade away when truth is revealed, and when I have an awesome God carrying that truth backing me, I guess it's really none of my business to bother about such petty things.
Everything happens for a reason.
So here's to an epic awesome 2012, and looking forward to an even more epic awesome 2013. The years just get more and more awesome as they go by, and although I can't say I'm ready for more awesomeness, I've learnt to just embrace whatever comes my way and take things as they come. :)
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
What is God going to create in us this year? Let's wait and see. :)
In truth, I could've achieved much more in 2012, but in truth, I also could've achieved much less. This was a year a great year of change, and a great many lessons learnt, many of which were painful, but essential. I experienced the lowest points in my life--betrayal, backstabbing, topic of rancid gossip, hypocracy--but I also experienced some of my happiest moments--realising who my true friends are, having them stand by me, care for me, and myself finally being able to truly open up to people and not being afraid of having them know who I really am.
I don't think of myself as a very good person at all. I'm flawed, I have infinite shortcomings, and there's so much of my innate nature that I want to change and fix, but I shall leave that in God's good and glorious hands. I have tried too often to change things on my own, without seeking Him first, and trying to take the reins of my life from His hands into my own hands, but I realise this year, that I have failed horribly. I'm not the one who's meant to be in control, He is. :) He always has, but He gave me a chance to see firsthand why He does the things He does the way He does.
So I want to look back on the major milestones this year, and reflect/reminisce upon them. Although I believe it is the little things in life that can make or break a person and remain etched in his memory forever, I want to remember the major events as well, to see how much has changed, and how much everyone has been through this year.
(On a sidenote: I am thankful I am active on fb because it gives such a comprehensive summary of the year's major events whoohoo)
Month-to-month reflections for 2012
Wow, I almost forgot that in January 2012, I was still in the Blast! 11th Committee and still doing work for the comm... It actually feels like years ago since I did that sort of stuff. I only retired half a year ago...? No way! D:
January was the beginning of a crucial sem, where I had to ensure that I did well in order to be able to do Honours in my fourth year. I had never been so fearful of my studies before (even though actually I wasn't THAT fearful to be honest) because I didn't know anything about my future (I still don't) and the only thing I knew that I knew was that I didn't want to graduate in 2012. So Jan marked the start of the sem where I had to obtain reasonable results. (and also the sem where I spent half my time drawing for schoolwork heh)
I think DP 2012 was in Jan as well, but I didn't dance during this DP. It was this DP that made me decide that I am definitely going to dance for DP 2013. :)
February
When I first went on an overseas trip with friends. It was for our Thai painting and drawing module, and I got to know many people outside of my dance circle on a closer level. Those girls have always been supportive of me and my dreams, and will always remain one of my strongest and closest sources of encouragement.
This was also the month that I decided to do something significant on V-Day. I decided to face my feelings and be strong and brave for once, and although it came to naught in the end, I don't regret what I did, and I (hope I) am a braver person now, who is more honest with herself than before.
March
I took part in my first ever 2V2 battle with the person who would soon become my EMCC Co-Choreographer and a dear friend. :) We still can't believe we made it to Top 4 in the event! Really learnt a lot over that period. I also grew with the Juniors (now turned Seniors) during their Impre training period and got to know them from a friendly perspective. (I am so glad I got to know and became close to someone like Sabbie) I also had to say a temporary goodbye to a very special person, who I would only be reunited with a few months down the road.
April
The month of DU 2012, as well as crazy study sessions in U-Town (where I spent half my time painting my final artwork instead of studying). Although I only did 1 item for DU this time, it was a really fun experience, still. :) For my last DU in 2013, I want to do more than 1 item. And I decided that I really want to choreo that Graduating Seniors Piece that we've been considering for so long.
Also, it's so strange to look back now and see how close I was to some people back then.
People really do change and move on, don't they?
May
When we bid our Creddie a temporary goodbye! Danz People Recital was also during this period, my first Studio recital ever. :) And I am glad this was my first experience, because it really was a good one. :) Did dt's item, got to know the LB crew, and many other lovely and awesome dancers. It was an honour to share the stage with them.
I think D3 was also released during this period MWAHA I remember Wilson Joey WS and I going crazy partying up every night after S24 pracs ended! Wow those were fun times. D3 isn't so fun when you don't play with crazy people lol.
June
S24 - who can forget this phenomenal experience?!? It had been such a long time since I had taken part in a competition. And this competition was such a different one, I think I learnt a lot as a choreographer, a dancer and a team player during this period. Also had my first part-time F&B job at coco during this period! Interesting experience indeed. Also, Blast! goes to Hogwarts and Warhol! LOL.
July
#theperfectwedding: Michelle and Yongkai's wedding! The much anticipated Blast+MJ Wedding ever. Also attended my dear Kris's convocation and took crazy photos with the graduating friends! Matric fair was also during this period.
Also, Spontaneous S24 Running Man game! Even though I hardly knew anything about Running Man here, I started watching it because of this game lol. Wow it was amazing how our lovely PD-nims just came together and organised the whole thing for us! Crazy stuff. They really made it happen and that day was so amazingly fun!
We were all still friends up to here. I think.
August
Shows and performance spammage! CFA House Party, Science O Week, GAP, Play!... Did a few shows with Cred, it was really fun training with them. :) Recognize Recital was also at the end of this month which was a crazy clash with everything, but an experience that I will never regret. :) (so glad that this was my second studio experience) Did Amsyar's item and am inspired by the crazy talented dancers within that item once again. It was lovely to see those familiar R! faces from the perf years ago. ^_^ I was also reunited with the aforementioned special person. ^_^
I think this is when it started to all fall apart.
September
Possibly the biggest concert of my life to date - SUAD 2012. This time I decided to focus on DANCING instead of choreographing, and this was my first time doing 5 items for a concert. (wow it really was no joke) It was one heck of an emotional rollercoaster with its own blog post to talk about it so yea. :P
Also went for my first concert ever, Big Bang Alive this month! The tickets cost a bomb, but it was really a crazy experience being in the mosh with all the fellow VIPs! Jiayi Soosoo and I really had a good time, and we could see each of the member's faces up close thanks to the extension stage.
My birthday was also during this month hurhur and I honestly thought everyone would just forget about it till the day itself and then awkwardly wish me before going back to SUAD rehearsals. But my friends are amazing and I had a wonderful day. I had a blog post specially for this as well.
October
First official RANXM outing! :D It's been more than one year since this seemingly random crew was formed, and now it's awesome to see how we've all grown as individuals and as friends. This group of people are some of the closest dears I have in my life, and every moment spent with them just seems too short. They have always been there to support me to their fullest, and I know that they will always be there for me, regardless of the things that happen around us. :) Our outing was crazy fun, even though I don't like fright nights and Halloween events, but going with RANXM, Nina and Gina really made it so much fun. :) The overnight hotel stay was so fun too. I have crazy friends hurhur. (they're also crazy, so I'm so thankful I got to have them to myself for one whole night) My next wish is to go on an overseas trip with them. :)
I think my dear BLB was formed around this period as well, another group of babes that I am so thankful for, babes that have pulled me out of the darkest moments this year, and dears who are willing to listen to my senseless rantings and are always always willing to spend time with me. Thank you BLB. :)
November
10-11-12 The Perfect Proposal :) People say marriage is one of life's milestones, and if I can't experience my own, I am honoured to have been part of another's experience, especially one of that of my close friends. ^_^ I'm really honoured to have helped organised and choreographed and been a part of this crazy and moving and tear-inducing stunt. And, of course, it has its own blog post.
AFA with the hall otakus renewed my inspiration to get a table at Cosfest and AFA in 2013 :) Though it was short, I really had a lot of fun nerding around with the girls. Can't wait for 2013's! The Kpop perf with the girls was fun too.
December
My second concert experience was 2NE1's Evolution concert! They are so amazing and inspiring (especially my baddest girl, CL) and Jiayi and I really enjoyed watching them sing, dance and perform their hearts out. My first time to Europe also took place in December with my folks. :) Switzerland + Paris + London were fun! Though I spent half the time worrying about EMCC and DP, I think it was a much needed break and separation for me. These hols were pretty happening, but before I realised it, they're kinda drawing to an end.
***
What a lengthy reflection LOL. 2012 was indeed a year of many firsts. It was pretty nostalgic to look back on all those photos, realising how many of those moments will never be captured the same way ever again, but still being thankful that they happened, and that we are now reaping the fruit of their consequences.
2012 hasn't been a skim-through year. It didn't zoom by in a flash, it wasn't a blur of events.
I was fully conscious of everything that took place. I know what happened, I know now what I didn't know back then. I know who my real friends are, I know what works for me, I know what I fail horribly at, I know why things happened, why some people hate me now, and why nothing I say or do will ever change their mind.
But well, what other people think of me is none of my business. :) False rumours, misunderstandings, gossip and lies will all fade away when truth is revealed, and when I have an awesome God carrying that truth backing me, I guess it's really none of my business to bother about such petty things.
Everything happens for a reason.
So here's to an epic awesome 2012, and looking forward to an even more epic awesome 2013. The years just get more and more awesome as they go by, and although I can't say I'm ready for more awesomeness, I've learnt to just embrace whatever comes my way and take things as they come. :)
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
What is God going to create in us this year? Let's wait and see. :)
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