Will.

I had a really insightful catchup and talk with the BFF Tacky yesterday when I met him to pass him Ash's birthday present. It made me think about many things regarding human relationships and interactions, especially in the area of boy-girl interactions and relationships. Sometimes, even though I've never been in a relationship myself before, I feel as if I can understand relationships from multiple perspectives and viewpoints, through the eyes of many "experienced" friends that I have by my side, who aren't afraid to share their experiences and thoughts on this mystical area of "relationships". Although I know it's one thing to know about relationships and actually being in one, but there are advantages of being able to see things from a detached, third party point of view.

Being my BFF, Tacky doesn't believe in sugar-coating hard truths, or using euphemisms to cushion the impact of deep-cutting words and observations. As he says, the truth is often what hurts the most, and no one likes to be the bearer of such hurting things. But being a best friend has its perks because when you're with your best friends, you don't have to make ugly things look beautiful. You can talk about ugly truths for what they are - ugly and hidden from popular opinion. And that's where many things that people don't easily admit come to light.

And I was reminded yesterday how so many things are beyond our control when it comes to human interactions.
Yes, you can control how you behave around people. (at least, most of the time. when you're sober and in a clear state of mind. But you can't control how they react to/perceive your behaviour) 
Yes, you can attempt to alter people's perceptions of you through your physical appearance, behaviour, attitudes, and so on. (but you can't control what they choose to think about you in the end)
Yes, you can control who you choose to invest more time to get to know. (but you can't control who exactly you meet, or who exactly you have chemistry with)

We think that we have more control over our lives than what we really do. Our choices do affect the outcomes that we have to bear, but somehow we delude ourselves into thinking that we are the ones who fully determine what these choices are in the first place. We forget that we had limited choices from the beginning, and sometimes there is little we can do to change the range of these choices.

For example. People form opinions on people based on what they want to think about the person. They see people the way they want to, and sometimes not for what they really are. No matter how hard you try to be good to a person, if they are determined to hate you for some reason, no amount of kindness and good deeds are going to make them think you are a saint. (unless they meet with some divine intervention or something, which is, again, beyond our control)

Another example. We can't control who we run into, or who we get to know better through a series of "chance" encounters. We think we can actively search and find our "soulmate", when we virtually don't have any control over who we meet. We could walk right past this "soulmate" without even knowing who he/she could potentially become to us without even realising it, if divine power was unwilling to let us meet.

Tacky believes this to be the Luck factor of the relationship equation, and relates this to "chance beyond human control". But I have a better way to put it - God's will. (I guess you can call it "destiny", for more dramatic effect.)

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Or at least, He lets everything happen for a reason. There is a reason why I haven't found "the right one", why the guys I have shown interest in are just not into me, why they choose my friends over me, why things just never work out for me. I don't know what it is, and I doubt I'll be able to understand/accept it even if I did know what it was, but I know it's part of a plan bigger than me.

And so, I need to stop blaming myself whenever things don't work out, and I need to kick the habit of feeling guilt and blame for something that is beyond my control and part of a higher purpose. I can't stop things from screwing up. But what I can do is to keep being myself, and keep being the best that I can be.

I often question why he lets certain people into my life only for them to tear me apart and tear me down. I don't emerge any stronger, only more broken than before. But I'm starting to think that maybe this is what He wants. Because we only seek Him when we are broken and in need of healing. We only seek Him when we feel like there's nothing else left to rely on.

Sometimes, the harder you try, the harder it gets. Life works that way sometimes. People say you will emerge stronger from it if you get through it, but let me tell you: even if you don't, it's ok. Because it happened for a reason. It's part of your destiny.

☙ ❤ ❧