temporal bliss.

i'm finally done with my HORROR DAY. :D

i haven't felt this happy to be back in my room for a long long time. yes, i was out of hall the ENTIRE DAY today, and only just got back about an hour ago. PHEW.

i concluded that once in awhile, spending the entire day alone isn't that bad a thing. that's kind of what i did today. i decided to be A Loner For A Day! :P

the day started with mum sending me back to hall this morning. was semi-conscious during the car ride. :/
had breakfast, then went for NM tutorial.
which i fell asleep about 20 times in. @___@
(that's a lot considering it's only a 45 minute tutorial)

then i proceeded to The Deck, bought myself a much needed RED BULL (to give me wings), and MUGGED like i haven't mugged in a long time for the next 2 hours or so. i am pleased with how focused i was. and how the red bull kept me awake. <3

getting into LT 11 for NM Midterms was almost as tough as the test itself. :/ there were tonnes of people, either trying to come in, or desperately trying to come out.

and of course, the NM test didn't go so well. which was thoroughly expected of me. sigh.
i never realised how much i DIDN'T know, until i saw the questions and realised that HEY HERE'S SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, oh, here too, and here, and here, and oh wait that's the rest of the questions too.

pffft. :/

after NM, although my brain felt like spontaneously decomposing, i needed to chiong to finish my Philosophy essay. i hid myself away in a corner of the upper level of The Deck and chionged the essay amidst beef noodles. didn't go as well as i hoped. by the time i was supposed to go for Philo Tutorial, i still wasn't happy with it. :/

i still am not happy with it, fyi.

i had to submit it during Philo tutorial LOL whilst i was taking notes about knowledge and virtue and airy fairy nebulous stuff like that. it pretty much amused me. :P

then, for the last lap of the day, i spent the remaining hour at The Deck again, this time at the lower level, pia-ing Korean.

thankfully our sonsengnim is so sweet, she provided us with a crash-course to everything that we've ever learnt in our previous lessons before giving us the test. :)
honestly i found this test the most manageable one today.
but all my friends insisted it was difficult.
:/
i hate it when this happens. when i think something is manageable when everyone says it isn't.
because i don't know if i'm the one being complacent or not.

OH WELL. it's over! i shall relac jac for 1.5 hours more before going back to mugging Theatre Studies.
which i can foresee is going to be MUCH more interesting. :)

cheers and rainbows and stars! <3

OVER. omg

i'm in such a good mood! :D

betts and sali came over to surprise me with sweet letters, a jar of folded stars, cake and a bigass bouquet of flowers! :O

i was so touchedddd ; ___ ;

Talentime went really smoothly too. everything went on schedule, we were only 10 minutes delayed. so CEMC made the decision to cut the filler item.

i.e. they made the decision to cut Don't Forget the Lyrics. :/

which i had been working on for the past week, skipping homework, readings, projects etc.

sighhh.

at least this means that the next time they need a Don't Forget the Lyrics, i don't need to do another new one for them. :)

SIGH.

anyway, Dance went really well :D even with the lousy stage ala grass patch with random rocks and roots and uneven ground and slippery grass.

i could really feel the energy emanating from everyone! and people watching really enjoyed our performance. which is a really good thing :) after all, we were there to entertain the audience! heheh.

was a little sad that many of my friends missed it though... :( well AT LEAST THERE ARE VIDEOS UP. (though nothing beats a live performance)

i also knocked my head pretty hard against a wall before our performance and it is still swollen and throbbing and affecting my concentration abilities and thinking now.

it could also possibly be the reason for me oversleeping today.

(please note that this blog post was typed on-off across the span of several hours, from early in the morning at 2am till now, almost 7pm)

MOVING ON

the other talentime performances were really good too!

(in chronological order)

Choir: MISSED IT D: was prepping for dance and putting on make-up garrghhh T___T

The Dids: David, Meryn, Mel and WeiNian's band :):):) ahh i love their band musicians!!! i had no idea mervyn could play drums so well! so i INSISTED ON FREE LESSONS. (in exchange for teaching him hiphop dance basics lol.) and omg i didn't know weinian could sing so well either! D: TALENTED PEOPLE.

Individual contestants: were few but pretty good la :) there was one girl with a crazy soprano, like WOW.

Asteria: Sarah's band! oh gosh i'm totally in love with Sarah's voice! she's got this powerful, belting voice that enables her to pull off songs like Paramore's Decode. oh wow it's so awesome to hear her sing, man. and her guitarists are really good too...

Block D: i still can't get lime green and bright yellow bikinis out of my mind when i think about this item. @___@ good gosh talk about DISTURBING.

but i loved their item overall, because almost the entire block was involved! there were dance segments, like this MJ dance segment where Andrew was the "Michael" and totally did COOL SHIT complete with moonwalk, pelvic thrusts, flicks and swings and whatnots. oh and the bollywood dance was ADORABLE too!

Block C's perf made me want to play worms!!!! :D

Block B: AH I LOVE THE SWIMMING PART. oh gosh i love how serious they looked while they were doing such RIDICULOUS things!! XD and Stuck's face of sheer bliss was simply awesome to behold.

after the entire event was over, i went back to the dance studio to open it for people who needed to get stuff, and meet eeshashashasha! <3 oh mervyn came along too, and we carried out HIPHOP LESSON PART I. where basically mervyn just bugged and whined for me to teach him hiphop basics. he actually wants to learn breakdancing as well :O

when i went back outside to check if CEMC needed any help with saigang, they asked me out for (yeah you saw it coming) SUPPERRR. haha. then CEMC + The Dids followed me back to dance studio and totally disrupted Eesha's choreographing session by insisting that they wanted to play Don't Forget the Lyrics since they didn't get to play it during the event XD so yes these people just totally got high in the studio. on air.

supper was funny too, we were all just being lame and high and freakingly glad that it's over. whoooooo

after that was LESSON PART II. this time with more peoplez and not just mervyn. XD

had so much fun last night. a bit too much fun, though. was tired out and couldn't wake up this morning in time to meet my New Media project group GAH D: if not for nisha and her generosity in lending me her printer, my NM group would probably want to chop me up and stew me now @____@

shit i never oversleep la. x(

oh on a side note, there was a power cut/blackout during Philo lecture today, just when Prof Holbo was talking about how people believed the gods would strike them with lightning if they ever melted beeswax (which makes no coherent anyway yup).

so the moment the lights went out, someone totally yelled,

"SOMEBODY MELTED BEESWAX HERE."

xD talk about quick application of lessons learnt during lecture.

-------------------------------------

there are some things which i have had to learn the hard way.

maybe if i just didn't think so much about it and place so much emphasis on it, i wouldn't be so troubled and worked up about it.

if i could just take things easy, and take this particular situation as it comes,

if i could just let things be

instead of trying too hard.

if i lower my expectations to zero, i won't be disappointed anymore.

everything will be better than what i expect it to be.

because my expectations started out at NOTHING.

a lot of the happy things in my life are things i never thought i could possess or experience.

the happiest things happened to me when i didn't expect them to happen at all.

either that or they made me happy because they exceeded my expectations.

either way,

it really doesn't pay to expect too much. or maybe even expect anything at all.

but why do i still do that..?

sometimes the things i do really don't make sense.

why do i sound so serious, man. i intended to make this section of my blog update a rather insightful and pensive account of what i'm thinking.

sometimes, i wish i didn't act like a boy.

but if this is really who i am,

i'd rather be who i am and take this shit

than try to be someone i'm NOT.

in a bad mood today.

being overworked + having too little sleep puts me in a bad mood.

a really bad mood.

look, it's a not a nice thing to happen, but it's normal, okay.

people with 3 hours of sleep a night + dance every day + other saigang every night tends to be in deep need of an avenue to vent out her pent-up stress.

i'm just really tired and sleep-deprived. beh. :C

New groups and birthdays and manhood

by some random conversations revolving around the yummiest food there is in Singapore, Eesha and I had the brainwave of starting a Eusoff Gourmet Club. xD

President: Anne

Vice-president cum saigang food blogging: NicT (me)

Vegetarian Section Head: Eesha

Halal Section Head: Rasul

because we believe there HAS to be good Halal and Veg food in Singapore. :)

then a random conversation with Rasul and Eesha led to the prospective formation of yet ANOTHER committee! the Shorties (Dancer) Crew!

members so far:

Eesha, Rasul, me, Weijie, Ali.

requirements:

160cm and below for girls.

165cm and below for guys.

also, although i wasn't spoilt with a big birthday celebration this year, my wonderful Eusoff friends came to surprise me with a BIG TUB of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with decorations saying "Happy Birthday!" all over the place. :D i guess it's because i totally wasn't expecting it, which made it even more special and awesome and fun. ^--^

i still haven't eaten it. haha. i'd better do it quickly before it mysteriously disappears, like most Ben & Jerry's products in Eusoff.

that aside, the Theatre Studies 1101E gang went to watch a play entitled Manhood today.

it was really good. :D

my favourite scenes were the salesperson's monologue,

the 3 statues,

the blind date.

other scenes that struck a chord were:

the one where the wife leaves because the husband

the wedding scene.

i shall elaborate more on these another time. now, to sleep!

happy birthday, nic.

should i be honest about today?

i think i shall.

i think. this is probably the loneliest birthday i've ever spent in my entire life. hahaha.

not that no one wished me happy birthday.

i was really happy to receive 3 calls, 20++smses coupled with 70 facebook wall posts from friends, all wishing me happy birthday <3>

but it felt weird that the people who i met in person today were people who didn't even know it was my birthday. it's different to have people wishing you in person, compared to texting you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUACKS". although i was really happy to receive so many of the latter, (really i was!) it was weird when no one in church...well yeah. except sweet emily <3>

i think. i'm expecting too much. :/

after all, dad and mum brought me for a nice lunch together. and i got to go to kino. and far east and bought 2 pairs of nice pretty flats. <3>

but it just feels like something missing. :/

hmm.

i'm not really sure what.

the noise, maybe?

or, the company?

i'm not sure.

well. all i know is that i spent most of today chionging projects and Talentime work.

New Media due on Mon (few hours time)

Japanese Studies due on Tues

Talentime on Thurs WHOOHOO

and i am thoroughly stressed and feel as if i have wasted my birthday away. :C

*is sad*

i guess i miss my friends...? haha. this is what i get for not being thick-skinned enough to organise a party for myself. HAHA that would make me rather narcissistic, wouldn't it? :/

so yea. not much happened today. nothing exciting, nothing different.

i guess this is what happens when my bday falls on a weekend.

on a side note i am wondering whether mummy is going to let me stay in hall in year 2 because she seems to be finding hall fees rather unnecessarily expensive and is trying to get me to come home more often.

...shit. :C

week 5.

Blast! Prac today was a technique training class--isolations and body waves/rolls. :D a bit of groove too, i.e. downbeat, upbeat, rocking and jacking. (<3s jacking)

i felt so happy and relaxed doing the choreo, because it's simply a very laxing choreo. xD
there are hits and hard beats but everything is generally very relaxed and groovy.
AND THERE WAS SO MUCH JACKING. <3<3<3 sweet.

aside from today, i've been sleeping around 4-5am every night, each night doing different things.
on one night, i was distracted on the computer.
another night i was finalising dance and Talentime stuff.
on yet another night, Eesha and i camped in Rasul's room watching dope choreos on youtube. xD (youtube gang!)
and of course. who can forget the night we stayed up to accompany Eesha and watch her finish a 1 litre carton of orange juice because she dropped the cap on the floor.

hall life is getting better. :)

i'm getting to know people better, and i'm starting to get used to the whole independent-ness of uni-life.
i realised that all this while, i've been exceedingly sheltered, i've been indecisive, i've always been relying on others to make decisions for me.

then all of a sudden, i'm thrown into an environment that requires me to sometimes make swift independent decisions in order to lead people well. i can't always rely on someone else to start the ball rolling.
sometimes i've got to be the proactive one.
sometimes i've got to be the one that decides.

It's kinda pressurizing sometimes, to make a decision that you know will directly impact a lot of people, many of whom mean quite a lot to you.
but someone's got to do it.
and someone's got to answer for it when they make the wrong decision.

we can't always remain neutral and avoid blame that way.
sometimes we'll be hated for doing something we love or believe in,
because sometimes people can't see why we do certain things
or why we believe in certain things. or people, for that matter.

haha, i sound as if i'm trying to be mature, but i've still got so much more to learn. :)
especially when it comes to dance.

yes, seeing certain people freestyle is thoroughly damaging to my ego. but then again, killing one's ego is a good way to remind oneself that we've still got a long way to go. in terms of freestyle, i run out of moves after a couple of eighths. honestly, what kind of freestyle is that, man. -__-
i'm not as good a dancer as i want to be yet,
i've still got so much more to improve on,
so this is definitely not the time to take it easy or be complacent.
i don't want to let down the people who have so much faith in me,
who are always encouraging me,
who have never stopped believing in me, even when i used to be whack. whacker.

i've learnt my place, where i stand, and what it means to be humble.
i've learnt that many things are out of my league, and are currently inaccessible to me.
i have learnt not to take things for granted.

and i have also learnt to be happy, and to continue having faith no matter what happens. :)

God is good! all the time!

on a side note, it's my birthday today. :)

shopping and sorts

had the Most Productive Shopping Session EVER with Sali at Peninsular Shopping Centre today! :D

(i think Peninsular is actually spelt without the "r" for this case, but i can't stand my mac underlining spelling errors with those annoying red squiggly lines so peninsulaR it is. :) )

didn't get absolutely EVERYTHING on my shopping list, but i got most of the stuff i needed and wanted PLUS additional items i didn't expect to get!

1. first i got this nice dark purple shirt--my first purple tshirt EVER.

2. white basketball shorts (below knees) which came with a white basketball jersey. actually i only wanted the pants, because they were really nice and big and comfy and WHITE (pretty colour) but the entire set cost $10 so i had to take the shirt. it's really big and comfy too, Sali suggested that i could use it as sleeping attire LOL

3. this NICE SPONGY BRIGHT RED CAP WITH A FACE. <3!>

(people with small heads can't wear hats like these because it'd look far too big on them.

HA TAKE THAT SMALL-HEADED PEOPLE.)

although i was afraid i might look like Super Mario, its cool-ness and cute-ness won me over. <3

4. BAGGY CLOTH HIPHOP PANTS. MAN these took the longest time to find! i walked all over Peninsular from top to bottom, going into every shop to look for them. nowadays the shops there sell A LOT of skinny jeans (which i cannot wear thanks to my unshapely legs) and almost none sell these hiphop comfy cloth pants anymore.

so i was really disappointed when i wandered into this shop downstairs which didn't look like it'd have it either.

i walked in, asked the shopkeeper if they had baggy cloth pants for the 15th time, expecting to be disappointed again,
and he pointed to these big baggy red cloth pants.

i totally jumped with excitement! XD

bought a black one and a grey one! (2 in total!) i can't match the bright red one with many shirts from my wardrobe haha and they ran out of this really really nice royal blue one.

ahhh i'm so happy i finally have cloth pants, they're super duper comfyyyy~~~ ^o^

thanks Sali for coming shopping with me! though we didn't manage to get shoes, i'm still really happy with our purchases today :D we should totally do this again sometime. <3

after shopping, i joined The Breakfast Gang for dinner where they were totally stirring shit lol.

and i've been up doing CEMC + Talentime stuff since then. @___@

i'm going to put my clothes in the dryer now,

sleeping for 1 hour,

waking up to take them out,

going back to sleep,

then waking up in 3 hours time to stir some more shit.

oh yeah, and to go for dance camp. haha.

i hope i don't pass out tomorrow LOL

haha. JCRC may probably force me to drop some comms so that i don't burn out in the middle of my first sem here.

Xavier (my SP cum Drama vice-head) also said he won't hold it against me if i quit drama. which is something i am likely to be forced to drop, since i don't hold any core positions in that.

hahaha well. can't say i wasn't expecting this. oh well.

my many CCAs.

one minute i was uninvolved and out of action.

and the next i end up having 6-7 CCA/Commitments AND COUNTING.

i'm seriously considering quitting one. but i'll go for the first meeting tmr first before i make up my mind.

here is a list of my current commitments:

1) Dance Blast!

2) Eusoff Dance Corps

3) Eusoff Drama

4) Cultural Events Management Committee

5) Dinner and Dance Committee

6) International Relations Committee

7) Dance Production Choreographer

i was also supposed to have been in the Comics and Animation Society, as well as the Gamer's Society with Sali, but i seriously doubt my ability to juggle 9 CCAs. :/

i am currently ALREADY dying with 7.

long live The Nic.

my commitments often clash in terrible ways, and when they don't, they're often back to back. i've been having back-to-back meetings all night for the past few nights. tomorrow (actually today, technically) is the worst, i think.

here's my timetable today:

9-10am: TS Lecture

10-11am: TS Tutorial

12nn-2pm: JS Lecture

6-8pm: Korean Lecture

8-9pm: D&D Comm Meeting

9-11pm: Dance Prac

1030pm-late/early: IRC Meeting

thank God school starts at 2 on Fridays. @____@

lol and you wonder why i'm still awake at this time right.

i am definitely coming back to sleep during my 4-hour break.

i'll go to sleep after clearing my NUS mail and reading Theatre Studies notes.

this is the ultimate test of my ability to juggle all these commitments.

and i choose to spend 10 minutes of my would-be sleep time blogging HAHA.

some time management, huh.

the new week.

i realised that the main social activity of my block is none other than MAHJONG.

which i,

unfortunately,

cannot play. :/

which comes as no surprise,

since i can't play Bridge, Blackjack, Poker, as well as Many Other Popular Card Games.

i used to be pretty good at Speed, i must say. (not to brag or anything, but really, my reaction time was honestly commendable :) )

it seems that unless i am able to somehow teach myself to play Mahjong, i will continue to be excluded from this HAP (remember HAP from the clubbing post?) social activity going on within my block.

...which is why i am now hanging out with the culture people from other blocks. HEE.

so yes, i just had two meetings in a row, followed by brief supper with david (who i just met today) and weijie. david totally looks like a senior thanks to his hair and his goatie. the funny thing is he was another one of the small population of people that think i look like a senior.

-____-

OK GAIZ I GET THE POINT--I LOOK OLD.

lol. xD

talked about culture stuff, like dance and music, as well as school in general, which made me feel at home again. :):):) wj is really a very humble person, i just find it so amazing that he's so well-known outside, yet not many people even know who he is in hall.

and he thinks that's the way it should be.

that there's no point in deliberately going out to step up your profile and try to make a name for yourself, or, to put it bluntly, try to become popular.

if you're good, the people that matter will naturally know.

david was also pleasantly surprised to hear that i follow Project Sexycat stuff. he's pretty humble about the whole business too. i think these people all have this modest mindset in them, which is really inspiring to me. because it makes me rethink where i stand, and how i should carry myself. :)

on a side note, Eusoff Drama clashes with everything single possible activity i have--Eusoff Dance, Dance Blast!, and Talentime Pracs. :/

this is terrible. i think i'm going to become a non-existent member in Drama. although i wasn't entirely sure if this was the right thing to join, now that i'm in, i feel like i have much to learn and gain from this experience. after all, it's something new, something slightly different from dance, something i can expose myself to for the experience, for the fun.

but like wj said, i join to have fun, but then STUDIES HOW.

the CAP scares me. especially the "C" part of CAP. i don't want to end up getting myself involved in too many things and watching my CAP dip lower and lower till it reaches "The Point of No Return".

i.e. it becomes so bad, that no grade, regardless of how good it is, is enough to pull it back up to normal.

gee.

this coming week is going to be a tad bit stressful. i've a K Pop choreo to come up with by Wednesday OHOHO and i am currently very dissatisfied with it so i shall have to spend the next few days sprucing it up cuz we really don't have enough timeeezzz @___@

if we have 2 pracs a week, we'll only have 5 pracs before the real thing. which is like.

REALLY NOT ENOUGH.

teaching.

blocking.

polishing.

5 pracs is really not enough.

so rasul and i decided to extend it to 3 pracs a week.

hence my inability to go for any Drama pracs hahahaha alamak :/

i'm also really happy i'm in the Cultural Events Management Committee, though. it's a slight change for me, because in this comm, we're the background workers, planners, and event managers instead of the performers. i've always wanted to help organise culture-promoting events.

and FINALLY HERE'S THE CHANCE.

i just hope i don't die trying all these fascinating new things.

okok better go sleep/finish Japanese Studies homework now TATA