aragrhhhhh

i'm feeling quite pissed and confused now.

i've decided what i want to study in uni now. FINALLY. but now, i've another problem:
i don't know whether i want it so bad that i'll go against my entire family (especially my mum) just to get it.
is it worth it?
is this worth setting myself against my mum?
do i really want this so bad that i'll disobey my mum?
crap. i don't know.

i don't like getting into arguments or disobeying my mum. i believe in basic respect for parents, and, besides, it's my parents money i'll be spending when i get into uni. she's just concerned after all. she wants me to have a "meaningful" (her rendition of meaningful is very different from mine) and stable career, something that has to do with the subject i'm doing now, otherwise it's wasted, blahblah

BUT

i know they're my parents and everything, but isn't this my life as well? don't i get a small say in what i want to do with it? can't i decide something on my own without them interferring for once?

i don't know. maybe they're right. maybe 10 years down the road i'll be regretting doing what I WANT TO DO.

but what if i'm right, for once? just this once... what if i really enjoy what i do and end up with a career i appreciate and don't dread every day? what if i actually make the right decision this time?

i really want this i really really do.
but i don't know if i should full out rebel against my parents now.
let's just wait and see.
i know God has a plan for me :)
and i shall trust in Him
more than i trust in myself.