break snippets.

Empty.
5 days of visiting and socialising and eating and not dancing much has been...a slight change to everyday life. more like a disruption, perhaps? except that. the word 'disruption' has negative connotations. this 'disruption' over the past few days, however, was not necessarily a bad one. somehow, i felt like i needed it..? yes, yes i did need it.

this morning when i left my house, it felt emptier than it usually did, for one. from the gatherings we've been having, and the comparatively long time i spent at home.

i guess that this morning, when i left the house, i missed home?

which, if true, is strange. because i'm not one to be homesick. furthermore as i am typing this in my room in Eusoff, i don't feel homesick anymore.

but that point this morning, when i left the house alone, walked out alone, took the bus alone, rode the train alone... i felt... as empty as my house was when i left it.

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I Remember.
and when i returned to school today, i remembered how much i loved dance,
because i missed it so much.

being away from something that you love for a period of time makes you realise exactly how much you love it.

sometimes, i take it for granted. because it's always...there. even when i don't want it there.

when i'm tired or injured or just not in the mood to drill my steps, it seems like i reject dance, or that i love it less.

the truth is, i've always loved it so so much. my love for it has never died down or diminished.
but sometimes i need to be reminded of how wonderful it is to me, because when too much of a good thing is shoved in your face, its goodness tends to be forgotten, somewhat. or taken for granted.

today i remember that i really really love dance. and that i'm happy to be able to dance :)

i've missed you. :)

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today i heard someone playing an acoustic guitar.
i pretended that it was you that i heard.

it made me smile, but it also made me cry.

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I Try Too Hard.
it's not even my battle, why do i try so hard to help?

i just want to be there. i just want to help.

i just want to be useful.

because i want to be of use to the people i care about.

is that... wrong?

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Fear of Losing.
have you ever felt the fear of losing something that isn't even yours to lose?

you don't own it now, and you probably never will.

but you still fear that one day it will disappear from your life, or diminish in importance.
you fear that one day it will become a less important component of your life.

you fear that you will one day lose it.

even if it was never yours in the first place.

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