before i type, i must clarify this:
NicTay NEVER oversleeps. like, NEVER.
now that we've gotten that sorted out, today my day began at 5PM. why? because i overslept.
T___T
yes, i missed my Korean tutorial and half of my New Media theories lecture. i managed to run down for the last half an hour or so of the lecture. sighhhhh.
thankfully i had Flicks prac at night to cheer me up. because oversleeping always makes me feel very rotten.
----
EMCC has been such an experience for me. it's such an honour to be in Karen's item and Weina's item, two seniors who i like and respect very very much. i've learnt much under them, and have been very much inspired by the both of them, as dancers, choreographers and fellow human beings.
it's been such a joy trying to channel such different emotions and characters for both items.
all i can say is that anything i lost, i lost it the moment i chose to let it go.
----
HTHT again at macs was interesting and eye-opening, as usual. though it lasted for a much longer time than we aimed it to last. after all, who keeps to time limits when people are pouring out their deep thoughts and hidden feelings? :)
haha when you have friends that are more reliant on face-to-face forms of communication, be prepared for late night sharing and talking. it's times like these that i'm very thankful i stay in hall. although sometimes
----
moving on to hall life.
"I guess we just have to make some sacrifices."
understatement, much?
dude you have no idea what that sentence means to me. :/
----
ah. and you.
no. you don't understand what i'm talking about. get this. you DO NOT get it. unless you are sali, chew, magnus, or teo, you DON'T.
you do NOT get it.
you are NOT waking up.
and you KNOW you're being stupid.
...yet you still do it.
feel like boxing you to wake you up sometimes. but resorting to violence to solve a problem like this is simply, immature, stupid and uncivilised.
it's just one of those things you'll have to get over.
GOSH. wake up will you! don't make this worse! you've already made so so many mistakes.
what you think is love really isn't love at all.
get. that. straight.
-end bitch rant-
----
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
it's been oversaid...
...but i'm really very effing stressed up.
i've let down, upset probably pissed off one of my favourite dancers who's one of my choreographers.
everything's been back-to-back, clashing, overlapping, and whatever. many a time, i find the only way to avoid all problems in blocking and attendance is for me to be in FOUR damn places all at once,
to go for one is to disappoint and inconvenience another. i try to prioritize, in order of performance date and thus urgency, but sometimes things just don't work that way. sometimes, things aren't so simple. and it s really taking its toll on my choreographers, the items i am in, and myself.
just feeling very stretched at the moment. sigh.
i have to remember.
that because You are with me, i know i am never alone.
i've let down, upset probably pissed off one of my favourite dancers who's one of my choreographers.
everything's been back-to-back, clashing, overlapping, and whatever. many a time, i find the only way to avoid all problems in blocking and attendance is for me to be in FOUR damn places all at once,
to go for one is to disappoint and inconvenience another. i try to prioritize, in order of performance date and thus urgency, but sometimes things just don't work that way. sometimes, things aren't so simple. and it s really taking its toll on my choreographers, the items i am in, and myself.
just feeling very stretched at the moment. sigh.
i have to remember.
that because You are with me, i know i am never alone.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
clash mess.
i think my timetable clashes this week are rather awesome.
friday's the most EPIC:
2pm-5pm: yayi's DU prac
3pm-6pm: emcc prac
3pm-7pm: project meeting
4pm-6pm: weijie's dp item
:/
on Friday i shall attempt to split myself into 4 entities to make it for all 4 things at once.
on a side note, missed Flicks prac today. felt like i let them down, somehow...? still pretty bummed out about it, especially since i don't think my mum's reason for not wanting me to go was a very good one. seriously. the frickin' reunion dinner is at 6plus, i don't have to hang around ALL AFTERNOON for that. bah. negotiating with adults is senseless, frustrating, tiring, and unfruitful.
worse thing is, you can never win. no matter how rationally and logically right you are. :/
not really looking forward to all the visiting, especially when one of my favourite aunties is overseas, my closest cousin's studying in the US, and the fact that there's so much work to be done--both school and dance. i'm thankful for the brief break that we have now before the Chiong Weeks come, but i'm not too excited about the stuff that's going to be happening during this brief break.
i suddenly realised that i have, for the past half an hour, had my earphones plugged into my ears whilst no music is playing. weird.
*turns on CT's mix for EMCC*
(love the songs there!)
anyways and anyhows, i really hope my mum will let me back to hall on Tuesday afternoon. because apparently, Tuesday is still a public holiday. but the Flicks really really need the time to prac, and we really really need Tuesday. shall pray hard for it. because we are really really running out of time! :x
so very thankful for the Flicks, who are always so kind, supportive and understanding. times are getting increasingly tough, but knowing that they're right there beside me, going through every bit of this ordeal with me makes all the difficult and tough times all the more bearable, and even enjoyable. :)
said it before, will say it again. i couldn't have asked for a better crew. :)
shall finish up some design work and assignments before our reunion dinner tonight. then imma go back to coming up with choreo. :)
friday's the most EPIC:
2pm-5pm: yayi's DU prac
3pm-6pm: emcc prac
3pm-7pm: project meeting
4pm-6pm: weijie's dp item
:/
on Friday i shall attempt to split myself into 4 entities to make it for all 4 things at once.
on a side note, missed Flicks prac today. felt like i let them down, somehow...? still pretty bummed out about it, especially since i don't think my mum's reason for not wanting me to go was a very good one. seriously. the frickin' reunion dinner is at 6plus, i don't have to hang around ALL AFTERNOON for that. bah. negotiating with adults is senseless, frustrating, tiring, and unfruitful.
worse thing is, you can never win. no matter how rationally and logically right you are. :/
not really looking forward to all the visiting, especially when one of my favourite aunties is overseas, my closest cousin's studying in the US, and the fact that there's so much work to be done--both school and dance. i'm thankful for the brief break that we have now before the Chiong Weeks come, but i'm not too excited about the stuff that's going to be happening during this brief break.
i suddenly realised that i have, for the past half an hour, had my earphones plugged into my ears whilst no music is playing. weird.
*turns on CT's mix for EMCC*
(love the songs there!)
anyways and anyhows, i really hope my mum will let me back to hall on Tuesday afternoon. because apparently, Tuesday is still a public holiday. but the Flicks really really need the time to prac, and we really really need Tuesday. shall pray hard for it. because we are really really running out of time! :x
so very thankful for the Flicks, who are always so kind, supportive and understanding. times are getting increasingly tough, but knowing that they're right there beside me, going through every bit of this ordeal with me makes all the difficult and tough times all the more bearable, and even enjoyable. :)
said it before, will say it again. i couldn't have asked for a better crew. :)
shall finish up some design work and assignments before our reunion dinner tonight. then imma go back to coming up with choreo. :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
dregs and NitGrit.
suddenly so many of my friends are following my Twitter and my blog. wow. better watch what i say. HA. since when have i ever really bothered about that? x)
it's funny how something i love so so much is becoming so tiring and draining nowadays. i don't believe it's because it's too much of a good thing that it's bad, because there's so much about dance i still enjoy, so much i still love, so much i crave for, so much i'm addicted to. when i listened to one of our NEW SECRET FLICKS SONGS, after Magnus suggested it to the Flicks, i felt the song and i felt this strange urge to choreo for it! and i'm so excited for when i can get down to planning the choreo and planning how to fit it into our competition theme! :)
but sometimes, dragging myself to do certain things can be such a chore... no, it's not dancing itself that's a chore. dancing can never be a chore for me. but it's more the little itty bitty nitty gritty that comes with dancing, that clings on to our precious dance and is impossible to pry off that makes me fatigued and burnt out.
the itty bitty nitty gritty (let's call it NitGrit for short/affectionate purposes) can be so trivial, so small, it seems a little unreasonable that it's shaking my dedication and commitment to certain dances. things like poor attendance, poor attitude of dancers under me, last minute practices, extremely late nights/early mornings when i really really need the rest, taking advantage of my setting time aside despite my heavy schedule to overload me with work that i really don't have time for, not appreciating the amount of effort and time and dedication i put into my work for them...
all these things might not seem like big things, but they can be really frustrating and stressful when you've got a lot on your back. :/
7 items is no joke. seriously.
3 EMCC items, 2 DP items, 1 Impre item, 2 DU items.
NO JOKE.
the NitGrit is small, but when they accumulate they can maul the life outta you. :x
i'm not blaming the aforementioned NitGrit for my supposed burning out. i have only myself to blame for taking on more than i can handle. but it's scary to think i even considered that i might be losing my fire for dance.
i know now that that's not possible. :)
there has to be a way to push aside all this NitGrit. to clear all the unnecessary dregs so that my pure passion for dance can flow unhindered again. so that my inspiration can come without me having to force choreo, formations, ideas and concepts out unnaturally.
there has to be a way. we're gonna find it! :)
the next few weeks are gonna be shit but at least i'm not in it alone :)
it's funny how something i love so so much is becoming so tiring and draining nowadays. i don't believe it's because it's too much of a good thing that it's bad, because there's so much about dance i still enjoy, so much i still love, so much i crave for, so much i'm addicted to. when i listened to one of our NEW SECRET FLICKS SONGS, after Magnus suggested it to the Flicks, i felt the song and i felt this strange urge to choreo for it! and i'm so excited for when i can get down to planning the choreo and planning how to fit it into our competition theme! :)
but sometimes, dragging myself to do certain things can be such a chore... no, it's not dancing itself that's a chore. dancing can never be a chore for me. but it's more the little itty bitty nitty gritty that comes with dancing, that clings on to our precious dance and is impossible to pry off that makes me fatigued and burnt out.
the itty bitty nitty gritty (let's call it NitGrit for short/affectionate purposes) can be so trivial, so small, it seems a little unreasonable that it's shaking my dedication and commitment to certain dances. things like poor attendance, poor attitude of dancers under me, last minute practices, extremely late nights/early mornings when i really really need the rest, taking advantage of my setting time aside despite my heavy schedule to overload me with work that i really don't have time for, not appreciating the amount of effort and time and dedication i put into my work for them...
all these things might not seem like big things, but they can be really frustrating and stressful when you've got a lot on your back. :/
7 items is no joke. seriously.
3 EMCC items, 2 DP items, 1 Impre item, 2 DU items.
NO JOKE.
the NitGrit is small, but when they accumulate they can maul the life outta you. :x
i'm not blaming the aforementioned NitGrit for my supposed burning out. i have only myself to blame for taking on more than i can handle. but it's scary to think i even considered that i might be losing my fire for dance.
i know now that that's not possible. :)
there has to be a way to push aside all this NitGrit. to clear all the unnecessary dregs so that my pure passion for dance can flow unhindered again. so that my inspiration can come without me having to force choreo, formations, ideas and concepts out unnaturally.
there has to be a way. we're gonna find it! :)
the next few weeks are gonna be shit but at least i'm not in it alone :)
Saturday, February 06, 2010
horrible day.
today was a terrible day.
first thing that happened was that i overslept this morning. it's really not in my nature to oversleep, but i suspect it has to due with the stomach ache i had last night as i was going to bed... i remember turning off one of the 2 alarms i set this morning, but i have NO IDEA what happened to the other one.
the next thing i knew, teo was calling me on the phone, at 9.55AM, asking me where i was.
vetting was supposed to start at 10AM.
i FREAKED, ran to get myself ready, jumped into my costume and reached CFA @ 10.20AM.
i forgot steps for BOTH my items, both during times when i was right in front. it was so so nerve wrecking. i just felt so so disappointed with myself. the fact that i let my choreographers down, my item people down, since i'm an item IC... an item IC is supposed to be there earlier than the rest, getting their item people all hyped up, taking attendance, helping people with costumes...
and what did i do? i overslept and got my fat ass there late.
what a lousy item IC i am...
then after vetting was over, i was prepared to rush over to Eusoff for our Dance Production piecing. each piecing has 2 runs, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. obviously i missed the morning one because of our vetting, so i felt i really had to go for the afternoon one, especially since i missed the first piecing ENTIRELY. (due to Impresario Semi-finals)
and then i realised i had EMCC rehearsal from 1-3pm. DP piecing 2nd run was from 1-4pm.
this time i really felt that i had let Rasul, my fellow choreographer, down. he's been covering for me all these weeks that i've been late for pracs due to EMCC, Impresario practice, and he's been tanking a lot of things like choreography, blocking, formations... i just feel that i'm not being fair to him at all.
i finished EMCC prac @ 3.10pm and got to Eusoff by 3.20pm.
...just in time to see the last item.
i missed BOTH my item runs. one which i choreographed, and one which i'm dancing for.
i've never seen my dancers do a full run during piecing before AT ALL.
i've never done a full run during piecing at all either.
i effectively missed BOTH my first piecings entirely.
then our Dance Directors said that the last time for costume alterations by wardrobe is tomorrow (Sunday) night. 10pm-12am. during which i will not be in hall, since i'm out of hall on Sundays and only return on Monday. in other words, i'm just going to have to take my costumes as they are.
there has only been 1 costumes fitting. during which my costumes did NOT fit me at all. i can't dance without ripping the shirt/pants apart into shreds. that's when they sent it back for 1st altering.
i couldn't make it for any of the previous alterations due to EMCC pracs + competition discussion stuff + DU pracs and now i'm probably going to have a costume that doesn't fit for the last piecing. and it's all my fault...
i just hope i don't rip anything during the last piecing. seriously.
then i had to rush back to Serangoon from Eusoff for my dad's 50th birthday dinner, meaning that i was missing Karen's prac, despite being her IC. if it wasn't such a big thing, if my dad wasn't turning half a century old today, i would've gone for Karen's... but yeah. i missed Karen's, and i think people probably think even less of me now, especially after all of today's screw ups.
and i was 10 minutes late to meet my family, because i had to rush from piecing and de-brief. arghhhhh family ALMOST kicked up a fuss but thankfully assumed i was late because i dilly dallied and not because i was doing hall stuff/dancing (which would have REALLY pissed my mum off).
i guess the only nice thing that happened today was all the encouragements i got from my dear friends, to stay strong, to keep moving forward, to keep looking up... and of course how happy my dad was to see that i could make it for his birthday.
...i think that maybe, just maybe, these things alone make all the shit today sorta worth it. :)
first thing that happened was that i overslept this morning. it's really not in my nature to oversleep, but i suspect it has to due with the stomach ache i had last night as i was going to bed... i remember turning off one of the 2 alarms i set this morning, but i have NO IDEA what happened to the other one.
the next thing i knew, teo was calling me on the phone, at 9.55AM, asking me where i was.
vetting was supposed to start at 10AM.
i FREAKED, ran to get myself ready, jumped into my costume and reached CFA @ 10.20AM.
i forgot steps for BOTH my items, both during times when i was right in front. it was so so nerve wrecking. i just felt so so disappointed with myself. the fact that i let my choreographers down, my item people down, since i'm an item IC... an item IC is supposed to be there earlier than the rest, getting their item people all hyped up, taking attendance, helping people with costumes...
and what did i do? i overslept and got my fat ass there late.
what a lousy item IC i am...
then after vetting was over, i was prepared to rush over to Eusoff for our Dance Production piecing. each piecing has 2 runs, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. obviously i missed the morning one because of our vetting, so i felt i really had to go for the afternoon one, especially since i missed the first piecing ENTIRELY. (due to Impresario Semi-finals)
and then i realised i had EMCC rehearsal from 1-3pm. DP piecing 2nd run was from 1-4pm.
this time i really felt that i had let Rasul, my fellow choreographer, down. he's been covering for me all these weeks that i've been late for pracs due to EMCC, Impresario practice, and he's been tanking a lot of things like choreography, blocking, formations... i just feel that i'm not being fair to him at all.
i finished EMCC prac @ 3.10pm and got to Eusoff by 3.20pm.
...just in time to see the last item.
i missed BOTH my item runs. one which i choreographed, and one which i'm dancing for.
i've never seen my dancers do a full run during piecing before AT ALL.
i've never done a full run during piecing at all either.
i effectively missed BOTH my first piecings entirely.
then our Dance Directors said that the last time for costume alterations by wardrobe is tomorrow (Sunday) night. 10pm-12am. during which i will not be in hall, since i'm out of hall on Sundays and only return on Monday. in other words, i'm just going to have to take my costumes as they are.
there has only been 1 costumes fitting. during which my costumes did NOT fit me at all. i can't dance without ripping the shirt/pants apart into shreds. that's when they sent it back for 1st altering.
i couldn't make it for any of the previous alterations due to EMCC pracs + competition discussion stuff + DU pracs and now i'm probably going to have a costume that doesn't fit for the last piecing. and it's all my fault...
i just hope i don't rip anything during the last piecing. seriously.
then i had to rush back to Serangoon from Eusoff for my dad's 50th birthday dinner, meaning that i was missing Karen's prac, despite being her IC. if it wasn't such a big thing, if my dad wasn't turning half a century old today, i would've gone for Karen's... but yeah. i missed Karen's, and i think people probably think even less of me now, especially after all of today's screw ups.
and i was 10 minutes late to meet my family, because i had to rush from piecing and de-brief. arghhhhh family ALMOST kicked up a fuss but thankfully assumed i was late because i dilly dallied and not because i was doing hall stuff/dancing (which would have REALLY pissed my mum off).
i guess the only nice thing that happened today was all the encouragements i got from my dear friends, to stay strong, to keep moving forward, to keep looking up... and of course how happy my dad was to see that i could make it for his birthday.
...i think that maybe, just maybe, these things alone make all the shit today sorta worth it. :)
Friday, February 05, 2010
dream post.
just woke up from a really scary dream, where everyone i loved HATED me.
i was supposed to be teaching a dance in the dream.
...i hope this isn't de javu or something. it'd be really depressing/frightening/worrying if it was... x(
this makes me wonder whether i should keep a dream log. to record what i've been dreaming in my sleep (or at least what i can remember)
but damn, it feel so REAL... x(
i was supposed to be teaching a dance in the dream.
...i hope this isn't de javu or something. it'd be really depressing/frightening/worrying if it was... x(
this makes me wonder whether i should keep a dream log. to record what i've been dreaming in my sleep (or at least what i can remember)
but damn, it feel so REAL... x(
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