today over dinner, my mum talked about her colleagues' children, asking why all of them were so brilliant, and where all the average kids are. all of them made it into dentistry or medicine, and are brilliant and smart kids.
"where are all the average kids?" mum asks.
mum also asked why her own children aren't exactly brilliant. they aren't average, but they aren't brilliant either.
why aren't they in medicine, or dentistry?
"...not this topic again."
sometimes i wonder, if i had sacrificed my own happiness for hers, would i be happier? would the happiness i sacrificed be replaced or redeemed by her happiness? because i know what makes my mum happiest is when i get good grades, and get into recognized faculties, and jobs.
would i be happier if i made my mum happy?
am i being too selfish and making her unhappy by being where i am?
by being good at what i'm good at,
and not being good at what she wants me to be good at?
being who my mum doesn't want me to be is tough.
it's so difficult for me to have to look at her,
and know that i can never ever make her proud of me.
because i can never be who she wants me to be.
...but i still love you mum. hope you do too. <3
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