dregs and NitGrit.

suddenly so many of my friends are following my Twitter and my blog. wow. better watch what i say. HA. since when have i ever really bothered about that? x)

it's funny how something i love so so much is becoming so tiring and draining nowadays. i don't believe it's because it's too much of a good thing that it's bad, because there's so much about dance i still enjoy, so much i still love, so much i crave for, so much i'm addicted to. when i listened to one of our NEW SECRET FLICKS SONGS, after Magnus suggested it to the Flicks, i felt the song and i felt this strange urge to choreo for it! and i'm so excited for when i can get down to planning the choreo and planning how to fit it into our competition theme! :)

but sometimes, dragging myself to do certain things can be such a chore... no, it's not dancing itself that's a chore. dancing can never be a chore for me. but it's more the little itty bitty nitty gritty that comes with dancing, that clings on to our precious dance and is impossible to pry off that makes me fatigued and burnt out.

the itty bitty nitty gritty (let's call it NitGrit for short/affectionate purposes) can be so trivial, so small, it seems a little unreasonable that it's shaking my dedication and commitment to certain dances. things like poor attendance, poor attitude of dancers under me, last minute practices, extremely late nights/early mornings when i really really need the rest, taking advantage of my setting time aside despite my heavy schedule to overload me with work that i really don't have time for, not appreciating the amount of effort and time and dedication i put into my work for them...
all these things might not seem like big things, but they can be really frustrating and stressful when you've got a lot on your back. :/

7 items is no joke. seriously.
3 EMCC items, 2 DP items, 1 Impre item, 2 DU items.
NO JOKE.

the NitGrit is small, but when they accumulate they can maul the life outta you. :x

i'm not blaming the aforementioned NitGrit for my supposed burning out. i have only myself to blame for taking on more than i can handle. but it's scary to think i even considered that i might be losing my fire for dance.

i know now that that's not possible. :)

there has to be a way to push aside all this NitGrit. to clear all the unnecessary dregs so that my pure passion for dance can flow unhindered again. so that my inspiration can come without me having to force choreo, formations, ideas and concepts out unnaturally.

there has to be a way. we're gonna find it! :)

the next few weeks are gonna be shit but at least i'm not in it alone :)