addicted to sleep.

don't wake up, won't wake up, can't wake up,

no, don't wake me up...

CultureShock is finally over :) and so are Blast! Pat sessions and Sharing sessions for this semester. though it's a huge relief and leaves me more time to catch up on rest, i think i'm already starting to miss it.

i definitely don't miss the sleepless nights or the zombie-state with which i trudged to school every other day during these past few weeks, but it's the little trivial happy things that happened that i'll miss.

seeing fellow (usually Eusoffian) zombies and lamenting about our common plights,

joking around randomly in the dance studio/band room,

randomly hanging out and just talking about nothing in particular,

meeting each other at 2am in the morning with a "EH STILL AWAKE?? WAN GO SUPPER".

yeah, it's the little things that we will miss. as always.

this week has passed by in a flash, and next week's already week 12. which means our exams are coming REALLY REALLY SOON. so before i slowly start to kick into mugger mode, i'll recount what has happened over the past week.

CultureShock 2009--was a blast.

the late nights and rehearsals leading up to it were really trying, my body perpetually felt like giving way, my old knee injury(s) and ankle pain started coming back as well (although teo insisted that it's the cold weather and not the intense training that caused it hahaha)

even the day before the performance was hectic. DP photoshoots + tech runs + full dress rehearsals all night. my SLEEP-A-LOT-BEFORE-PERF policy was totally overlooked and neglected. but to be fair, i admittedly slept a lot more than i do usually during my Period of Insomnia.

on Thursday, you could totally tell which groups of people were involved in CultureShock--i.e. those that were leaning against each other and nua-ing whenever we got the chance to.

the performance itself was awesome. only 2 bad things: being performers, we couldn't watch the items before us. and the turnout was pretty bad. but a lot of my friends came, including Sali who isn't even from Eusoff!! :D so that in itself made me pretty happy :) i also took a lot of nice photos :))

Halloween Bash was my 2nd Mandatory Clubbing Experience.

my stand remains: i still hate clubbing. :/

i was so bored when i first got there, and the mattresses were so comfy... so i slept for awhile. heheh.

as the hours passed, i simply just kept waiting till the time when i could leave and get back to hall. :/

many friends came up to me and said they really enjoyed our performance last night, which really made me happy! but they also demanded that i danced for them. which made me really REALLY uncomfortable. i was pulled up by dunno-how-many guys (being guys they are pretty frickin strong) and i just stood there and refused to move.

i quote weijie, "We are shy creatures."

i rejected lindon and azad like dunno how many times, until finally Azad challenged me to a battle. which i firstly felt very bad to turn down yet again, secondly was really pressurized by like dozens of people who were demanding that i dance, and thirdly half curious to see what would happen if we actually danced in a club.

and voila, a mini cypher circle opened on its own. :O

unfortunately, it didn't last for very long. but it was interesting while it lasted. :)

i don't like it when i dance in a club and everyone just watches me.

but if everyone shows each other moves, then it becomes like a cypher, and that's something i like because i like sharing. :)

also, i could only do uprock, locking and waving, since my shoes didn't permit me to do any grooving or c-walking or house. :C

i went back, and did laundry LOL. it was raining so super heavily and merv returned superduperultra drenched whilst Tee returned nice and warm and dry in a comfy cab. he couldn't even walk properly back to his room lah the poor dude. Tee and i both had similar sentiments about the bash, haha, glad that someone thought the same way about it and wasn't too busy getting wasted. :P

i had 2 hours of sleep before Blast! sharing session this morning. not a good idea. especially when Jie Xiao taught us an agro gangsta routine which teo and i REALLY REALLY LIKED 8D HEHEHZ.

after that, Teo, Jasonsiu and i hung out for awhile before heading back. and we cam-whored a bit too, since that's probably the last time we'll see each other in quite awhile, what with all CCAs being suspended for the exams... :C sigh...

there're 2 quotes which i need to jot down here before i forget.

Teo said something really cute and random at lunch. xD she said that when/if i get married, i MUST invite her to my wedding. (hahaha don't worry darling, if that miracle ever happens, i'll definitely invite you, my dear friend :):) )

her reason is: she wants to see what kind of "lucky" (note: the inverted commas) guy will ever be willing to be...well yeah. xD

i think she was sincere when she said lucky. which was very sweet of her (hearts). but i still see it with inverted commas. wahahaha.

e-wen also said something at supper club which really motivated me:

"Nic, watching you dance really makes me want to learn Hip Hop."

and i immediately remembered why i loved dancing so much--i dance to express and inspire. to inspire people afraid to dance in front of others to want to learn to dance. although i'm not nearly at the level i want to be at yet, and i'm not as good as e-wen made me sound to be (e-wen you too sweet and nice and generous with your compliments lah), i'm still learning and in the process of becoming that kind of a dancer.

thanks for all the generous compliments and encouragements, guys. i'm not nearly deserving of any of them. seriously. but really, thank you. it's encouragements like these that help keep me strong, that keep reminding me of my countless blessings, of how many things i have to thankful for.

------------------

Truth be told, my problem's old.

For fear of what you might do

I say nothing, but stare at you

If it's so, how would I know?

You'll never know me at all...

I'm standing across from you

I've dreamt alone...

...and now the dreams won't do.

well...

how do you suppose you're going to get anywhere if you don't work hard enough? =/

a spoonful, no, a truckload of sugar.

i decided to update my blog, since i'm currently waiting for my hair to dry.

our latest New Media tutorial opened up several perspectives of online privacy (or the lack of it) that i never really thought about. basically our conclusion was that if we wanted something kept private, the only solution was not to even type it out, much less post it online. because what gets "deleted" is never really truly erased, but simply archived and retrievable by people used to retrieving "deleted" "trash".

i stopped and questioned myself, about whether the things i say on this blog are things i really want people to know. things i really want people to understand about me. things i want to make public and known to people.

it's a scary thought when you think about how every small slip in blog posts can and will be used against us by people determined to say something against us, even if that blog post or your entire blog is deleted. there is probably a way to retrieve all those dumb things you said in a moment's folly or rashness. there is, thus, a high risk of posting such honest content online, if you want to make sense of it.

but i thought more to myself, and i realised i really don't want any of this stuff deleted. not even fake "delete" deleted. i want my friends to know about this, i want myself to remember that i have thought these words, typed these words during certain moments of my life. i want to remind myself of things that have happened in my life and affected me. i want to grow as a person, penning down my thoughts, expressing myself through a blog like this.

i don't post EVERYTHING on this blog anyway. hahaha. :) my private (written) diary is still the #1 place i pour out my deepest feelings and thoughts too. i guess this blog can be a sort of censored version of that. :P

anyway, the weekend was fun. (i.e. i didn't get any work done.)

mervyn asked me to watch Raffles Hall DP with him, and i asked Sali along since i thought she'd like to go for it as well. :)

when merv and i saw each other dressed up for the first time, it was pretty funny xD

nic: oh my- i've never seen you wear anything like this before

merv: i also never see you wear anything like this before lor!

nic: yes, nic is actually capable of dressing like a girl

merv: ya, surprisingly. :)

=__=

ANYWAY. when we walked into the dining hall full of people in casual tshirts and shorts and slippers, a lot of people turned to stare at us. it was embarrassing because we really stood out like sore thumbs. :x

when merv and i went over to UCC to meet Sali, Sali insisted that she felt severely underdressed, even though i don't think she was at all. she was wearing her purple couple-tee and her lime-green pants, totally bright and outstanding and "traffic-stopping", as mervyn mentioned. Sali lamented quite hilariously that this had nothing to do with her looking like a hot babe. xD

the dance production was really entertaining :) i enjoyed it alot! saw derek, leong, wilkson, yuko, weiting, thomas (solo sia) dancing, they were awesome. we stuck around for awhile to say hi, before heading back to hall.

after awhile, since Sali and Mervyn were both feeling hungry, we went for supper. Merv made fun of me for changing too slowly. :( MEH. SALI DISTRACTED ME. the 3 of us had a nice long talk over supper. where (i don't really know how it happened) mervyn somehow made a deal to mix me something with alcohol in it for me to drink, and if i got drunk, he'd quit his job. :O

and so that's how he ended up bringing his shaker mixer thingy, alcohol and a can of green tea to my room. (he just stays one floor above) :/

and surprisingly, i actually liked it :O *SHOCK*

the very very slight alcohol taste turned me off at first, but because it wasn't very obvious, the drink actually tasted quite good.

so yes, he got to keep his job. :P

Sunday was a really fun night. first time i had more than 1 person in my room staying for longer than 5 minutes. usually people take a look at how messy my room is and just stay outside and wait for me. :C also the first time i actually liked something with alcohol in it. hahaha. i can't tahan more than that small small ratio, though.

Sali slept over the night, and joined us for breakfast the next morning, where people were all wondering where she came from. LOLOL.

...

on a side note, i had dance from 9pm to 2am again. hahaha i can feel my stamina and body giving wayyy~~~

:C

i'm so sick of all of this. :C

Week 8 updates.

i finally added my gmail address to this blogger account, so that i can access my blog AND gmail at the same time! phew. what a relief. :D

the user name cool_girl_13091990@hotmail.com now annoys me greatly. :/ i don't know what possessed me to think of such a brilliant username.

i also changed my blog layout! in record time too. (about 10 minutes) lol.

this week was E-learning week, and i guess it's been a pretty eventful week, all in all. :)

MONDAY.

was the day i had the Contemp Tech Class for Eusoff Dance. HAHA this was when i was reminded that i totally PHAIL at Contemp techniques. :/

trust me, it's not a nice thing to find out that you dance less gracefully than your fellow male dancers. T___T

TUESDAY.

i acted as a Thai "gay" massage boy for TS today. :/ no more questions on that pls. haha.

WEDNESDAY.

we had Blast! prac, continuation of Pat's choreo from last week. teo and i were watching the video of the session on this day and were thoroughly amused by how we were so synchronized all the way to the last few eighths, where there was this really strikingly obvious CANNON. LOL.

after prac, we had a mini mooncake party! where Rasul revealed his fantastic Barney lantern, and we had yummy mooncakes to eat! i love the green tea snowskin one and the egg custard one a senior brought back from HK <3!

after that, Rasul and i had to chiong back to Eusoff for formal dinner omgg @___@

(we refused to pay $10 for nothing)

so we headed over to the nearest bus stop with Yanxin and Jason (toh).

Rasul claimed that the buses we could take from the stop were bus B and BTC 1. i had never taken BTC 1 before, so i wasn't sure. *freshie syndrome* so when BTC1 came before B, we proceeded to board the bus.

all seemed to be going well.

until the bus took a sudden U-turn and we began travelling back in the direction where we came from D:

we quickly pressed the bell, but the bus didn't stop at any of the shuttle bus stops along the way!

so we were inside the bus and panicking and wondering if we were going to be taken all the way back to Bukit Timah Law school D: D: D:

@____@

thankfully, the bus stopped at Kent Vale and we took a public bus service back to Eusoff.

/end EPIC PHAIL MOMENT #1.

at the formal dinner, Rasul and i went to take our attendance first at the dining hall, and told the people there that we'd go and change and come back later.

the people there, however, persuaded us to just go in, HipHop basketball shorts/track pants, Spongebob Shirt, Bright Red Cap and all, because since the lights were all off (launching of Green Program), no one would be able to tell.

so that's exactly what we did. xD my first (and probably last) time attending formal dinner in bball shorts and Spongebob oversized shirt. HAHAHA.

we sat with weijie for the dinner, and were complaining that since the hall was super dark, we couldn't even see what we were eating. twice i bit into some unknown veggie, because i was randomly putting food into my mouth.

Rasul tried using his handphone to illuminate the food HAHA before realising he only had one hand to eat.

(EPIC PHAIL MOMENT #2)

it was then that weijie came up with a rather BRIGHT solution to our problem. :D

*pun fully intended*

let's just say that we made thorough use of our table's candles, yeah? ;)

following dinner, we had our first DP Dance Meeting, where we were given our dance outlines. they were in the form of ppt slide handouts--JUST LIKE LECTURE NOTES. i totally D:-ed when i saw it and exclaimed, "WAH. JI LECTURE NOTES." hahaha DP makes me excited :)

we had wj's prac after this which went pretty well.

until i had to leave for IRC meeting.

see, i get super grumpy and in a bad mood when i'm forced to leave a dance prac halfway. it's just a pet peeve of mine. furthermore i wasn't exactly needed in the meeting. so i was rather quietly pissed during the meeting.

supper with nish, angie, yvonne and nicholas cheered me up though. :) nicholas totally stuck his entire head and shoulders into the freezer in 7-11 to reach an ice cream omg xD the video's on facebook and it totally makes me laugh every time i watch it. :P

THURSDAY.

I CUT MY HAIR. :):):)

to be more specific, i layered, re-dyed and re-highlighted it loll. i quite liked it after i came out of the salon, because it was relatively straight and tamed from all the blow-drying. it's a little more frizzy now, but it's still niceee. :)

i wanted the colour to be lighter and more blond-ish. the fake hair on the book that i pointed to was a lot lighter. :/ i'm hoping that it'll fade more. it's currently not exactly the colour i wanted hahaha but it's still nice la.

i think i should be more ambitious with my next haircut. bleach parts of it maybe...?

after the haircut, i had practice with betts for her item. taught her quite a bit and saturated her brain mwahaha. it was a little disappointing to see that she never did the routine full-out, not even once, but she kinda said she was tired la. can't exactly blame her, i guess. i just wanted to see what we'd look like if we both did full out together, but i couldn't do that since she was too tired to do full-out. haha oh well.

later in the night, nish&gang and anne&bert&gang and i all went for Dr. Mark's essay writing talk. it wasn't bad :) Dr. Mark had quite number of pointers to offer us. the refreshments provided after the talk were really yummy too :P i koped sandwiches for eesha, sam and mervyn and walked over to E4 to deliver them to merv.

we then sat at the E4 bench to chill and talk. it was nice sitting there and talking like that, we talked about stuff like fitting into hall, work, our lives, and there was a part in our conversation that i remember pretty clearly.

i was saying something about how i sometimes wished i was girlier. and merv said he sometimes wished he had slightly more rippling muscles.

so i said,

"dude, why do guys think that girls like guys with rippling muscles?"

and he replied,

"and what makes you think that guys like girls who act typically like girls?"

and that kind of stumped me. and all the things that Sali advised me on came back to me. somehow, i felt less alone, with all the support my friends were giving me. i felt... happier, for awhile. :)

Rasoo then called me, bert, and some others over to help him finish leftovers of a BBQ. so yes, this greedy nic went to eat AGAIN. (since i needed to discuss dance stuff with Rasul anyway *excuses*) yumyumyum.

there was a rather serious conversation revolving around DP when i got there. again. Dr. Mark was giving insightful feedback on how things were being run.

when Rasul and i finally got to discussing DP stuff, otah nasi briyani marshmallows crabsticks and satay sauce out of the way, it was already very late. and i was feeling super duper sleepy towards the end. z____z

FRIDAY.

i regretted not sleeping earlier the previous day. lol.

yuhan came over to check out Eusoff studio and we danced a bit. too bad my body was feeling wayy tired and un-dancey. i spent most of my time watching the Wrecking Crew Orchestra video he brought along. :D

we discussed dance stuff, talked about what he was going to buy in Taiwan, and i insisted i wanted FRESH oyster mee sua and fried chicken. :)

yes it's difficult having me as a friend. mwahaha

i settled for an oversized Hiphop shirt though :D

we then headed over to Jurong Point for lunch with Jiayi and Sharon. Jiayi was supersuper late but she had good stuff and good news to share with all of us, over a yummy lunch at this Sichuan food place. ahhh i love the zha jiang mian and suan la tang and red bean pancake there~~

*has sudden craving for red bean pancake*

it was really wonderful hanging out with them again :) and talking about our lives. Jiayi also gave me advice and encouragement on the Aforementioned Issue (see above) which made me feel better as well. :) i really thank the Lord for such caring and encouraging and supportive friends...

TODAY.

AHMAD'S CLASSSSSS.

poor dude was stuck in a jam and came an hour late, so Lina took us for warm-up + PT + Groove training before.

omg the PT nearly killed my arms and abs LOL she did the two of my most hated PTs--the leg-lifts and the Crazy Arm Thing. my arms totally nua-ed off after that. xD

i realised i actually like feeling my muscles die after PT. it feels like i've worked out something to the max, so that it can be pushed to become stronger and better :D i like the fact that i'm doing something to improve my strength and stamina, even if the pain that comes with it sucks.

ahmad's style and choreo are DOPEEEE. everything that everyone has told me about him, about his smooth moves, his sleek choreo, his awesome musicality, and his inspiring "speeches" was proven true today. i simply love his styleeee~~

he said a lot of things that are quote worthy to me to, because they serve as a reminder to me, when i start to question myself about dance, when my parents are so against it and i'm facing so much opposition in my life regarding it.

he told us to prioritize dance.

nono, not just in time and effort. he's not telling us to dao studies, haha. because he understands that being students, we still have to bear in mind studies are super important.

he told us to prioritize dance in our hearts.

when we dance, no matter when or where it is, or for how long, we always have to do it with our hearts wholly in it.

no point letting our countless projects and homework assignments take over that special place dance has in our hearts when we are dancing. how are to dance properly like that?

"you will reach a point when you will start to feel burnt out and saturated from dance,

and that's when you have to remind yourself about the first time you started dancing."

"never forget that first time you started dancing, why you started dancing, and why you still dance."

thanks Lord, for sending me all these.

the support, the inspiration, the motivation this week.

i really need it.

help keep me strong,

because i know i can't do this on my own.

:) thanks for all the love, everyone.

updates on Week 7.

a lot of bad stuff is happening in everyone's lives.
1) the huge typhoon in the Philippines is still causing major problems for many of the Filipino artists i follow on deviantArt. my prayers go out to them.
2) the huge earthquake in Indonesia is still causing a lot of devastation there as well. the tremors could be felt miles and miles away here! it must've been really very bad :(
3) one of my best friends is in hospital. and it's partially my fault for her being there. SALI I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOUUUU
; ^ ;
4) my other good friend nearly got beaten up by gangsters. praying for her safety.
5) i still can't contact Lex. sigh. guess i saw it coming anyway, can't say i wasn't prepared :)


---


for the less important, more narcisstic details, i shall update on my life thus far.

thus far, i am done with mid-terms. :) not that i had very many to begin with anyway.

New Media was my only official mid-term (the rest were class tests).
so basically after Screwed Up Monday, my days were a lot better than many of my friends'. some of them end midterms only next week. :(

the rest of the week:
had my very first Blast! training with Pat on Wednesday. twas a fun class :) we're continuing the choreo next week--yay! i like the style, and i like how we can all still have room to incorporate our own styles into the choreo <3
*makes it rather gangsta and manly*

teo, weixin, kengwee, jason, gerald and i decided to be dumb hardworking and attempted to join the senior class which was immediately after our junior class.

well. :/

we missed the first few minutes as we thought we weren't allowed to learn the senior stuff. so when it finally occurred to us that we could join, Pat had already taught some choreo. what am i talking about. he had already taught A LOT of choreo. he just basically taught really fast, and we were a little tired, so we lagged like crap. xD

we left after awhile. hahaha. embarrassed ourselves enough.

it was a really nice choreo though <3 to a very nice song. sigh.

had DP auditions Day 1 on Wednesday night. it was very crowded, as expected, but it was nice to be on the judging end for once. i'm happy that everyone on this day tried really hard. :) they learnt fast and i'm quite pleased with many of their attitudes.

Thursday was my Theatre Studies test day. it was. HORRENDOUS.

all the 10 short answer questions had to do with terminologies and definitions and random people who said random theatre-ish stuff. i couldn't answer half the questions.
i looked at the first page and went, "oh shit..."
i turned over the page and went, " HO SHITTT..."

i didn't know what "liminal space" was, i didn't know who on earth said that "just one spectator is needed for a performance to take place", i didn't even know what Edhswish-insertlongcraphere-horizont was.
urgh,
talk about EPIC PHAIL.

after that traumatic test, school went alright. in Korean we learnt about their 1001 public holidays, including Children's Day (yes it's a national PUBLIC holiday), Parent's Day, Mid-autumn (which is a 3 day long holiday), and POCKY DAY. OMG. 11/11. SUPER CUTE. (the numbers look like pocky lol) can't believe it's a public holiday.

then it was DP Auditions Day 2.
this batch was even bigger than the last, and a lot more people who i knew came. like shahshah siteh melvin wilson kiren anne lydia + a lot of seniors like nikhil marcus etc wow the studio was really stuffed with people. like Eusoff Dance auditions.

this was the main reason why i was so happy to be on the judges' end instead of the ones being judged. @___@

after this followed a long discussion to decide which people we were going to let in for DP.

then i went for TEH BING cuz i needed sugar to chiong the Eusoff Tee design.
which i effectively chionged till 6am in teh morning!!

i wanted to wake up for breakfast at 7 but EPIC PHAIL i woke up at 12noon instead. x____x
(can you say PIG)

now i'm just chilling at E1. i was telling nisha that i haven't chilled in a looong time.

i also need to visit sali. misses her a lot a lot. and i still feel partially responsible. visiting her tomorrow at 9.30am :) nice morning visit. <3

alright, gonna head over to Dance Studio soon to choreo routine for Church Dance Auditions. audition after audition lol xD tis fun sia

love, peace and marshmallow-cookies <3