• happy like shark •

RARR RARR

2012-01-29T19:05:00.002+08:00

one small mistake and everyone's all too ready to jump at your neck.

i still can't get over it, even though it's been weeks? i told myself not to be petty, but i thought we were friends.

it seems that everyone is out to piss me off these days... or maybe it's just myself being irritable? yes, that must be it. i must be getting more irritable these days. maybe the weather? maybe the stress? the work? the obligations? the people? it must be it.

these separate issues of frustration pile up and come hurtling at you all at one shot.

couldn't get my light plot,
got scolded by bitches,
insensitive remarks from ungrateful "friends",
left out of outings i helped plan,
used and stepped over after my purpose has been accomplished,
bitched at for trying to help,
hurt time and time again,
sometimes by different people,
sometimes by the same people i hold dear.

i'm not perfect, but i try to be a good friend. i try. i really do.

but if it's going to continue down like this, and you are going to continue to hurt me with your tactlessness, insensitivity and utter assholery,

i can't guarantee that i can keep with this level of patience, understanding and tolerance as i usually do. =___=

Hakuouki DEPRESSION.

2012-01-06T13:13:00.002+08:00

when the shinsengumi started dying off, or at least when they finished changing into their sexy western outfits, i should've just stopped watching. hahaha...

what a tragic ending omg. but at least there's plenty of spin-offs and fandoms and other things to fangirl over to take my mind off the 7 tragedies or so... my favourites was the saddest... Heisuke and Okita especially omg. then come Sano's and Saitou's. wah biang i really regret my curosity hahaha.

ah well. the fandoms and spin-offs are highly entertaining~

the recurrent dreams won't stop.

2012-01-01T02:22:00.002+08:00

i need to stop having dreams about you so frequently before i can't differentiate between what's real and what i want to be real.

2011-12-13T23:37:00.002+08:00

came to the sudden conclusion that Tiger & Bunny reminds me of my life. AHAHA. :/

*presses face against monitor*
WHYYYY CAN'TTTT I GOOOO INNNNNN.

自然的language barrierのことがいる？

2011-11-25T15:10:00.002+08:00

i am on a self-appointed mission, to rid myself of the incapability of expressing myself in any other language other than English.

short dialogues with friends in languages other than English, such as Mandarin or Japanese, makes me realise how limited my vocabulary in these languages really is. :/

even though i've been learning Mandarin since almost forever ago, i seem incapable of expressing even what i'm feeling in Mandarin. (though i admit i have less problems UNDERSTANDING it than i do ARTICULATING or WRITING in it)

i feel i am only able to truly express myself through English. :/

I MUST CHANGE THIS.

*adds to never-ending list to things to do when i can afford the time, effort, spirit and energy*

no need for expectations.

2011-11-10T02:11:00.005+08:00

i guess i am glad because i have come to the realisation that i just enjoy making people happy.

whether you realise all these things i do for you or not is secondary.
what matters is that you're happy for that split moment when i give things of myself to you.

be it gifts, my time, my choreography, my heart, my love.

it doesn't matter if you remember them
or appreciate them
or reciprocate them.
all that truly is secondary.

i think the reason i was unhappy was because i expected something in return, when in fact, it was impossible for there to have been any.

i expected something out of nothing.

i'm still getting used to this concept of giving unconditionally, unconditional acceptance, unconditional love... it's tough and it's painful at times, but i know this is the kind of love He wants me to have for His people.

the people i love.

though it would be nice to be appreciated, and even nicer to have reciprocation, i guess it's not something i should get used to expecting. :)

i want people to be happy :) that is all.

****

on a side note, i really enjoyed teaching tech class at Sheares again today :)
the dancers who came are all amazingly enthusiastic, and i'm touched they chose to come even in the midst of project deadlines and exams...

dance is truly God's gift to me. it really makes sense in every way, and makes so much hell so much more bearable. it's really His way of giving me something to love life for.

thank you. :)

even if i don't get that happy ending
i will always be thankful :)

the things i'd say, if i had my way.

2011-11-03T21:30:00.003+08:00

i'm worried for you but i can't show it.

i care about you but you don't get it.

it's you that i'm talking about, but you don't know it.

it's you that i want to bother myself with,

but for now

i think i'll just forget it.

***

at least for now, i'll hold myself back.

till we're both ready to admit it.

おやすみ、それで。。。

2011-10-14T00:11:00.003+08:00

Why'd ya have to be so cute?

It's impossible to ignore you.

Must you make me laugh so much?

It's bad enough we get along so well

We'd be good, we'd be great together

So say goodnight and go.

----

Imogen Heap you genius.

we fight the blues.

2011-10-07T15:57:00.002+08:00

it's a different kind of fatigue in entirety.

it's not the kind that you can cure through sleeping, (though sleeping does aid immensely in the recovery process) nor is it the kind of fatigue you can overcome by exercising more and keeping yourself healthy.

and i wouldn't exactly call it mental fatigue either, because i guess that has negative connotations as well?

no, this kind of fatigue isn't exactly a bad thing. it's one of those things that just happens, and isn't a bad thing to be corrected, neither is it a good thing to be cherished.

oh, but maybe it is to be cherished. because it is part of what makes us human.

it's the kind of fatigue that you get when something that you've looked forward to and invested so much of yourself in is finally here, and then in the high of the moment, it's suddenly over.

funny how we spend months preparing for something which lasts only a fraction of the amount of time we put into it, and yet we still do it over and over again, because we just enjoy the process so much.

yes, it was the journey there that makes me want to do what i love with the people i love over and over again.

even if it means another post-______ blues, or withdrawal symptoms, or empty blankness, i'd do it over again. for the memories, for the journey, for the love.

so this is an old fatigue, an old feeling, an old emotion. it seems strange to classify it as an emotion, because i think it qualifies as more than just that. but let's just leave it at that classification now.

i hope that people around won't judge me for my random tearing or blankness, because everything i see that reminds me of the past few months of hard work (dance-wise, choreography-wise, production-wise, comm-wise) just brings out that emotion that i keep behind loosely secured doors again.

and i don't want to lock those emotions in, because letting them out lets me relive the memories and journey once again, reminding me that even though It's over, they still live on indefinitely.

that magic moment.

2011-09-20T00:46:00.004+08:00

You know that magic moment?

When you're both laughing with each other
and then you catch each other's eye
and laugh just that little bit harder,
and smile just that little bit sweeter.

it's moments like these
that make me feel
that love and chemistry and all that romantic shit and whatnot
actually exist.

:)

2NE1 already.

2011-09-19T06:58:00.003+08:00

although i cannot see You, You always give me signs that You are watching over me.

You've sent so many blessings to me in the form of dear friends and family, to remind me that You are there, and that although You don't appear physically in front of me, You care.

You are there for me, and You care for me. :)

thank you Lord, for these glorious past 21 years of my life.

i have learnt much, and i have still much more to learn.

please keep guiding me and teaching me along the way. it's been an epic adventure so far, and i know it will only get epic-ER, with You at the helm and leading the way. :)

it's not the end of the world.

2011-08-31T10:51:00.002+08:00

i'll pick myself up, i'll move on.

forgive me, for i've just had my heart broken.

i just need time to mend it,

and i'll be ok again.

i promise. :)

Painful realisation.

2011-08-13T00:03:00.005+08:00

I guess I've come to the point and the position where I'm not allowed to make mistakes.

Despite all good things I do for them (with or without their knowledge), all of these disappear instantly the moment I make a bad move, or do a bad thing.

I guess that's the problem with people--1 mistake can erase 1000 good deeds done by the same person.

There is no forgiveness for me, because I am not allowed to make mistakes, because I am not allowed to show that I, too, am imperfect.

I am in a position of constant and increasing pressure. It is amazing how I am beginning to crumble at the slightest touch now.

I wish that they could sometimes see how difficult and painful it is for me,

but it saddens and disappoints me to know that

they never will.

maybe it's just me, but...

2011-07-26T12:44:00.001+08:00

I guess I am this kind of person.

When I see something that can be improved, I work to try and better it. I say things that might not sound nice, I do things that people might question, but it’s all because I can’t stand to see something that isn’t as good as it can be. I hate to see a waste of potential, I hate to see talent getting wasted, especially when there’s something I can do about it.

I know not everyone can understand my actions, or my idealism, but I still do it anyway.

I know that even my friends will tell me not to, but I go ahead with it anyway.
(even though it is sometimes very difficult to do so)

I believe in the good of people—I believe that God lives in each of us, making us innately good.

Maybe we’ve been confused, misled, and had our ideals clouded. That’s why people say that people are generally self-centered and ill-mannered.

But I believe that God has the power to change that. And the best thing is that—He lives in each and every one of us.

I want to better conditions for everyone, so I won't hesitate to call attention to matters which I believe need correction.

And I know that THIS very clearly needs correction.

DDs more.

2011-07-25T02:34:00.001+08:00

Here's more Daily Doodles for the past few days. :)

21/07/2011

not very happy with how this one turned out, but I guess it was an experimental piece. I'm new to Corel Painter Sketch Pad and finished half of the picture before I realised I could create layers on a sketch page. =____=

22/07/2011

Yes, we are HTC Likes Awards - Best Dance Moves CHAMPIONS. :)
(this was done on paper on the bus)

23/07/2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BASIL! :D ❤ ❤ ❤ 23rd July.

24/07/2011

because when a heart breaks,
no,
it don't break even.
(though this is a little messy, I am fairly satisfied with how it turned out :) )

cheerios! hope to get more daily updates up as the week passes! :)

Daily Doodle.

2011-07-18T13:55:00.003+08:00

i've decided to embark on a Daily Doodle/Doodle of the Day kind of project, where I will draw a simple doodle of a random thought, a passing feeling, a summary of the day, or just something really random.

hopefully i can get it started tonight. when i come home to my dear tablet. :)

i have 4 doodles i want to get out tonight. o_____o

let's go let's go let's do this :)
---

it's finally done!
churned out 3 DD (Daily Doodles) in under half an hour :P
18/07/2011

19/07/2011

20/07/2011

REBORRRRNNNN.

2011-07-05T14:58:00.003+08:00

currently catching up on the latest Hitman Reborn chapters. :) they make me smile when i'm all bored and sian of work and routine and not having any free time to do the things i want to do.

i can't believe i'm catching up so fast. hehe. am currently at the Shimon arc. it's beautiful, Akira Amano's art gives me too-high and unrealistic expectations of manga artwork. seriously. the amount of effort this girl puts in! respect to the max...

Katekyo Hitman Reborn! has always been one of my favourite manga. :) though i love and nerd out over many many titles. hurhur.

Also, I’ve always wanted to keep a dream journal, but I never remember my dreams long enough to be able to write comprehensibly about them.

Okay I think i shall add more to this blog post later. Just wanted to nerd out here before going back to work. :P heehee.

yay monday.

2011-05-31T00:00:00.002+08:00

yea, so today wasn't the best of days.

spent most of the day blanking out and moping around at work because of the lousy grades i received via Your Friendly Push SMS service this morning.

the wound is still so raw that it still kinda hurts for me to describe its gory details.

i'll get over it. soon.

----

i have also set my mind to do something kinda crazy on the second night of EMCC.

let's see whether my guts hold out till that day. :)

----

たとえ泡になろうとも、
私はあなたは好きでした。
この海と空に溶けて、
あなたを見守るわ。。。

...poor little mermaid. ; ______ ;

Day 9.

2011-05-20T10:14:00.001+08:00

It’s Friday Fridayyyy. And tonight is the night of our first Blast! Event as the 11th committee! (I love referring to us as the Eleventh, because it just sounds so much more mafia-ish and Hitman Reborn-esque. I dwell too much in my anime and manga world. :/)

I brought a lot of barang to work today, my dad said I look as if I’m going for a field camp. HAH. It just so happens that I’m going for 2 chalets back to back as Willy’s birthday chalet is also on Friday and Saturday night! I’ve never stayed over much with my JC gang, and it’s Wil’s 21st, so I definitely want to be there :) though I think I might collapse from exhaustion and lack of sleep.
(though in full honestly I really don’t mind burning my whole weekend for something like this :D)

Blast! Class resumes next week, and I will be leading warm-up for the first time ever… I can’t say that I’m not nervous, but I guess I am pretty excited about it. :D But BPC apparently resumes on Saturday as well, and I need a choreography by then. Then the following Sunday would be tri-uni, followed by NTUC youth class the Saturday after that. I really need to come up with quite a bit of choreo, but I’m worried that I won’t have time. D:

This internship has indeed been eye-opening, even though I’ve been doing very miscellaneous and random things. I’ve gotten an insight into the kind of work life many Singaporeans lead, though I think the people here generally have slightly more interesting lives. (we are a kids and an arts channel anyway)

But I’ve realized that this whole office thing doesn’t really cut it for me. I know I can’t be picky and I know that I should be thankful if I ever even manage to get a job after I graduate, but my dream job is…very different from this.

Don’t misunderstand me, work has been interesting :) it’s been fun and it’s been enjoyable (sometimes) but these regular hours and this environment and other things I’ve gone through… I think I’ve formulated a somewhat concrete opinion of how my life is going to be if I graduate and end up with a job like this—I won’t have one.

I’m having fun and I’m enjoying myself, but I’d much rather my dream job. Which is…admittedly…impossible.

I’ve always dreamed about working in a studio (it doesn’t even need to be my own), designing, drawing and doing art/comics/designs with a group of fun people. It might be even more desk-bound than my current internship (since I run a couple of errands now and then) but I know I’ll definitely be able to find a way to make it more physically engaging ;P that coupled with the fact that I’ll be dancing during my free time. That’d be the life! What a dream come true.

But I guess for know, I can only keep dreaming and wishing. Gonna keep my options open, always, and be prepared for anything God has in store for me.

Just felt that I had to let this out in writing, so that I know what I know and I know what I’m prepared for. :)

can't keep brooding!

2011-04-30T16:11:00.002+08:00

just gotta stay strong, stay positive, and keep going! :)

my motto and inspiration for today.
and for this week.

...and maybe for the rest of my life. :)

alias.

2011-04-27T15:46:00.005+08:00

so this is going to be a post all about how i try to devise nicknames/personas/aliases for myself.
(and also an excuse to ignore my notes for 15 more minutes)

blungestripe: the name of my blog
my favourite colours used to be blue and orange. blue-orange -- blunge. and i like stripes. so that was that. :/

nikkaroo: the name i use everywhere
i like the acronym NKR which is NiKkaRoo for short. also i thought it sounds weird and funny and hence thought it'd be a good name. though i realised it doesn't sound very nice when i say it aloud. .____.
i like signing off as NKR though. :) so i guess i'm fairly happy with it.

so i tried coming up with a Japanese sounding name for myself, because i honestly don't think ニコール (ni-kou-ru) or にく(niku, which means 肉meat in Japanese) sounds very nice/authentic at all. just in case i'll need it or something.

i used to have one ねこ／猫 (neko, which means cat) because that was one of the first few Japanese nouns my friends and i learnt in class. and they thought i suited it. :/ so it stuck. for awhile.

i even added a surname in front of it! 孫（そん: son) which is the surname of my favourite anime/manga character from Gensoumaden Saiyuki, Son Goku 孫悟空. except that my "son" was a different kanji character.
it was nice. and cute. except that it was a little common. so i need a change!

in my boredom just now, i went to find out what "victory" in Japanese means, because my name means "victory/victorious". turns out it means "shouri 勝利" or "yuushou 優勝". thinking around these two words, i combined it to "shouryuu" which turned out to be these two words 昇竜 which don't have any directly translatable meaning. (though i suspect it's some mythological turtle creature or something) searching up kanji quickly, i picked the kanji 小 for "shou" and 龍 for "ryuu" (because i ❤ dragons) and together they form the word shouryuu 小龍, which looks AND sounds nice!

...except that it sounds like a guys name. *facepalm* D'OH!

i guess i don't mind sticking with it, since i don't exactly need a very pretty or girly name. but i'll keep searching for more! i was thinking along the lines of my favourite flower, sunflowers, which translates to this beautiful sounding "himawari" 向日葵. :) or i could revert to an old nickname a friend had for me: okiku おきく. (which has a rather long and uninteresting backstory behind it :P )

alternatively i could play around with the whole "meat" thing going around with my name "niku" and called myself MEETO-chan or whatever.

OK SIGNS THAT I SHOULD STOP THIS and go back to mugging. peace. ☻

---

**EDIT**:

i suddenly thought of my current blog title and thought of 幸せな鮫 (shiawase na same) which means HAPPY SHARK. definitely beats MEETO-CHAN any time.

Impresario 2011

2011-04-04T11:41:00.009+08:00

being at Impresario again, this time not as a partcipant but as an audience, was really quite an experience.
(not just the looting of goodie bags, that is. though that was quite a highlight of the night, seeing us all scrambling around NTU hall like scavengers. :P IT WAS FUN)

being back at the hall and seeing everything happen again--the lights, the makeup, the crazy hair, the crazier costumes, the prize presentations, the victory shouts & cheers, and of course, the big blast welcome outside the hall doors... it was like a memory from a distant dream--one that took place not so long ago. being part of the screaming supporters was wayyy more fun and amazing than i thought it would ever be! :D (and so was bouncing up and down on the super bouncy NTU chairs)

all credit goes to the wonderful juniors who've been sacrificing endless amounts of time, effort, sleep, and of course their health to rush out an item amid other heavy commitments. like SCHOOL (we are in NUS after all), SUAD, Evo, Hall performances, StudioWu recitals, NS, and all other rehearsals they might have been involved in one way or another.

this was one costly experience, from what i can see. be it from their CAP, their emotional well-being, their physical health, their relationships with their parents, their relationships with their team mates, even. what a price to pay for a 3-4 month long gruelling and trying experience.

but last night, it was Blast! pride night, really. at Temasek Hall DP, and also at Impre where we clinched DOUBLE CHAMPS.
***Impresario 2011 CHAMPIONS & 1st RUNNERS-UP!!!***

all one week after SUAD. words cannot express the pride and joy i feel for my friends, and Blast! now.
(speaking of which, i never wrote an entry for SUAD at all, did i? :p)

Proud to be a Blast!ard. :)

i'm not sure if you guys thought it was worth it, but i felt so honoured and blessed just to be there. :)

----

i also searched my computer harddrive for pictures of our own Impre experience, and looking at those pictures brings back so so many good memories.

and here we are, all happy and ecstatic as we get ready to hit the stage:

and of course, who can forget this moment?

i miss joining competitions and forcing myself to level up.
i miss having a team to join these competitions with.
i miss pushing myself like i did at this time last year.

doing concerts is amazingggg. SUAD was amazing. i loved every moment of it.
but a competition is different. and i miss this different experience.

i wonder if there'll be chances in the near future to do what i used to do. but of course they are other things in life that i need to commit myself to. so let's see how the Lord maps it out in the near future. :)

LESS THAN 2 WEEKS TO SUAD.

2011-03-14T00:09:00.003+08:00

OH MY TIAN. D8

I AM NOT READY. T^T

日本の津浪

2011-03-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

oh Lord, please have mercy on them. :(

plain as chocolate.

2011-03-10T15:06:00.004+08:00

i wonder how people keep finding this place. how embarrassing, since i keep having awkward posts here.

i think my blog needs more pictures. more pictures and more substantial content. as opposed to short, tweet-like posts that could very well function as extended tweets. i think long term reliance on and usage of Twitter has conditioned me to update posts/statuses/written content regarding my life as short, bite-sized snippets. it could also be because i now never have the time to sit down and type out a proper, lengthy, coherent and complete post.

either way, i'm a little iffed by how staccato my blog posts look. i want more images, but i don't want my blog to become reminiscent of my Tumblr. :/ meh.

---

i keep thinking about how "if i had the time", there would be so many things i would do. spend time with my family, make gifts for my friends, practise dance techniques instead of concert routines, draw, design, watch anime, read manga, play computer games... but i realise that i'm only wasting my time thinking about what i would do if i had the time, instead of using that time to just do it.

sometimes this hwach bboy mantra really works in life: don't think. JUST ZHAM. :)

---

note to self:
STOP THINKING TOO MUCH.
just enjoy and appreciate the life God gave you as it is. :)

---

last but definitely not the least,

HAPPY $1 TENDERGRILL DAY.

although i can't imagine having to queue SO DAMN FREAKING LONG for a burger, i guess the cost benefits make the wait seem kinda worth it.

that and those people probably have a lot of time.

thankful.

2011-03-07T09:23:00.002+08:00

thank you for still believing in me,
in my abilities,
in my personality,
even after all this time.

thank you for giving me the strength to hang in there,
and work to become a better person
and a better dancer.

thank you for not giving up on me :)

i thank the Lord for putting you in my life.

all i wanna say is...

2011-03-06T23:49:00.001+08:00

...it feels good to be alive. :) and happy and well.

break snippets.

2011-02-08T03:16:00.008+08:00

Empty.
5 days of visiting and socialising and eating and not dancing much has been...a slight change to everyday life. more like a disruption, perhaps? except that. the word 'disruption' has negative connotations. this 'disruption' over the past few days, however, was not necessarily a bad one. somehow, i felt like i needed it..? yes, yes i did need it.

this morning when i left my house, it felt emptier than it usually did, for one. from the gatherings we've been having, and the comparatively long time i spent at home.

i guess that this morning, when i left the house, i missed home?

which, if true, is strange. because i'm not one to be homesick. furthermore as i am typing this in my room in Eusoff, i don't feel homesick anymore.

but that point this morning, when i left the house alone, walked out alone, took the bus alone, rode the train alone... i felt... as empty as my house was when i left it.

---

I Remember.
and when i returned to school today, i remembered how much i loved dance,
because i missed it so much.

being away from something that you love for a period of time makes you realise exactly how much you love it.

sometimes, i take it for granted. because it's always...there. even when i don't want it there.

when i'm tired or injured or just not in the mood to drill my steps, it seems like i reject dance, or that i love it less.

the truth is, i've always loved it so so much. my love for it has never died down or diminished.
but sometimes i need to be reminded of how wonderful it is to me, because when too much of a good thing is shoved in your face, its goodness tends to be forgotten, somewhat. or taken for granted.

today i remember that i really really love dance. and that i'm happy to be able to dance :)

i've missed you. :)

---

today i heard someone playing an acoustic guitar.
i pretended that it was you that i heard.

it made me smile, but it also made me cry.

---

I Try Too Hard.
it's not even my battle, why do i try so hard to help?

i just want to be there. i just want to help.

i just want to be useful.

because i want to be of use to the people i care about.

is that... wrong?

---

Fear of Losing.
have you ever felt the fear of losing something that isn't even yours to lose?

you don't own it now, and you probably never will.

but you still fear that one day it will disappear from your life, or diminish in importance.
you fear that one day it will become a less important component of your life.

you fear that you will one day lose it.

even if it was never yours in the first place.

---

2011-01-25T20:53:00.002+08:00

first time blogging with my iPhone! couldn't wait till i got back to my lappie before i typed this out because I'm feeling like super indignant/appalled/amused to hear this.

apparently someone read my previous posts and assumed that the "boy" I was talking about in those posts was him! D: OH MY HEEBIES how egoistical can you get! wow. seriously. and it's pretty clear that i was NOT talking about this someone. :/ I cannot imagine how he could've thought it was him. he must have a brilliant wild rampant imagination. oh geez.

I don't know what I can do to clear this mess, but it seems as if the best thing to do is to leave it as it is and hope that he figures out for himself that it's not him that I was talking about. gee I can't imagine how awkward it would've been for him to see me and talk to me as if he hadn't read anything after he read my posts.

you aren't the only guy around, so please don't assume anything or you'll be the fool this time round.

holiday blues.

2010-12-07T01:13:00.002+08:00

don't get me wrong.

i'm thankful for my holiday, i really am.
i'm thankful for the time that i can spend with my family.
i'm thankful for the privilege of being able to explore an exotic country like Turkey.

...but there's just too much i'll be missing out on when i go on this LOOONG 12 day holiday. (oh gosh don't remind me that it's twelve freaking days)

firstly, danzation practices. that's like. enough said already. danzation is freaking on 7 & 8 jan and i'm MIA-ing for half of december. great. just great.

secondly, DP practices. it's my own item, and even though i won't be dancing or performing, it's still my responsibility to make sure my item is ready for the piecing.

thirdly, blast! camp--i'll be missing half of it dammit. i had so much fun last year, and this year it was supposed to be so much more fun because i'd be the OGL instead! oh well. :/

fourthly, church musical. the musical will be at the end of january. and i can't help out as much because i'm away for so many days in december.

#5, Singapore Toy Games and Comic Convention. BLAHHHH i've always wanted to go for one of these during the december holidays! it'll be from the 10th - 12th. T__T

#6, SUAD practices! RS is conducting pracs throughout the december holidays, and i'll be missing 3. x( i know they're not very happy about it but they understand! thankfully.

ok i should stop complaining. i feel much better after getting all that off my chest. :) phew.

I choose.

2010-12-05T20:48:00.003+08:00

"I choose to love you in silence.

Because in silence I find no rejection.

And in silence, no one owns you
but me."

there's this girl.

2010-11-25T07:20:00.004+08:00

"You know, you can be smooth and suave in front of any girl, but there's always this one girl, who you can never be cool in front of..."

there's this girl. (this girl)
and she's the one, eh?

but the question is,

why does it have to be this one girl that you want?

what about the one that you can feel totally comfortable with,
say anything to,
talk about anything with,
tell things that you'd never tell anyone else,
because you trust her
with all your heart?

what about that girl
who isn't afraid to be at her unglam-mest
when she's in front of you
because she knows that she doesn't always have to be glammed up
and carrying herself well
for you to click well and feel at ease with her.

what about that girl
who's always supportive of you
who you're always thankful for
because she keeps you together in tough situations
because she helps you keep your head
and pull through tough times
and you know that you'll never make it through without her.

just because you can totally be yourself around her,
and you aren't awkward
or shy
or squirmy
or speechless
or uncool
or nervous in front of me,
doesn't mean that
she can't be that one girl for you either.

...just a thought. think about it.

2010-11-15T13:35:00.003+08:00

i am a nerd.
i memorize what level pokemon evolve,
what elements they're weak against,
what attacks they can learn at what level.

i play console games,
i play computer games,
i use cheat codes
and walkthroughs
just to complete special levels
and unlock special characters.

i watch shounen anime,
and read shounen manga.
(but i do read some shoujo too)
i remember plotlines and character profiles in great detail
and draw parallels and references to reality ALL THE TIME.
i also have a Face of Anime.

i like action movies,
i love superhero superpower shows,
i like transformers,
for reasons other than Megan Fox.

i eat like a boy,
eat as much as one,
and help people finish their food.

i squat on escalators
take naps sprawled on the floor
laugh with my mouth wide open and head thrown back
scream like people squawk

but i like bright colours
i fangirl over cute dancers and singers
i find soft toys and animals AMAZINGLY CUTE
i like happy endings in romance
i love rainbows
i love sweets and cakes and chocolates
i squeal over my favourite things
i flinch when people swear
i cross the road at green lights
i love hugs
i hate alcohol
i worry about taking risks and others getting hurt
i hesitate when saying something i think would hurt others.

sometimes i'm proud of all this.
but sometimes i wish i wasn't like this at all.

because guys always see me as another "bro".
and never as another "girl".
they say they're thankful for me, their "fellow guy",
and they never realise
the possibility
that i could
ever
like
them.

i am a poketard.
i am a nerd.
i play computer games.
i eat like a boy.
i don't like wearing girly clothes.
i like action movies for the action.
i watch shounen anime,
and read shounen manga.

but i am still very very much
a girl.

10 happy things.

2010-11-14T03:34:00.006+08:00

sometimes i look at anime, manga, movies, books, and think about the epic adventures they have, coupled with superpowers, saving the world, humour beyond humour, and i think to myself,

"compared to this, why is my life so...

...boring?"

life passes us by during times like these, when we fail to appreciate it and just let it go by.
then when we finally realise we've wasted it by yearning for things we cannot have,
it is too late.

i believe one of the many things our good Lord wants for us, is to be happy. :)
and He has given us many things to be happy for! if only we could stop, think about them, and feel His goodness for awhile.

so for today's blog post, because i love lists so much, i want to post a list of 10 happy things that will make me smile whenever i think about them.

here goes:
#1:
my friends would stand up for me not only when i am being wronged, but when i need it.

#2:
i will always have someone to talk to about a specific issue of my life.

#3:
they are willing to listen to me.
they take the advice i give them.
they trust and believe me.

#4:
they smile when they see me coming.

#5:
i can make them laugh, by not even saying a word.

#6:
they are pleasantly surprised and visibly touched when i remember a small detail about their lives that not many people have been able/have bothered to remember.

#7:
they know that i care about them.

#8:
i feel happy doing nice things even when i don't get anything in return.
even when i get abused in return.

#9:
i can always sing, dance and laugh my troubles away.

#10:
i am learning to love every decision i make. even the bad ones.

----

every good thing i have will come to an end, someday.
so i must take the time to appreciate it now
and be happy. :)

...before it all ends.

i like a boy.

2010-11-01T14:18:00.005+08:00

i like a boy who's nice to me.

who doesn't?

I like a boy who makes me laugh.

and finds me funny, because i want to be able to make him happy.

i like a boy who i can relate to, who i can talk to easily. about common likes, about common dislikes, about people, about situations, about life, about God, about...basically anything.

like a best friend, who you can hold a conversation with in any situation.

i like a boy who dances, and dances with me.

and never gets tired of it.

i like a boy who sings, whose voice i will never get sick of.

who won't hesitate to serenade me when i ask him to.

i like a boy who is strong, strong enough to be able to tell me he needs me.

strong enough to admit that he can be weak sometimes.

i like a boy who is thankful, appreciative, and happy for what he has.

because he has everything and is everything that i could ever ask for.

...i like a boy who will never like me back.

and that is the hard truth of life that i will always have to live with.

----

just typed it out in case anyone asks me. at least i'll have something to refer to. :)

and yes, i know. i will always fall for the wrong kind of guy.

10-point summary!

2010-09-29T03:52:00.003+08:00

because i hardly have time to blog coherently, here's a 10-point summary on what's been going on!

1) Fell asleep several times during my midterm on Monday and got several looks of DESPISE from my tutor. Either the paper was really boring or I was really tired. Or perhaps both.

2) Annoyed by Hall People who think that I have heaps of spare time on my hands to throw freely at them. I am officially displeased and am going to be stricter in how I run my practices.

3) Had a writing assignment due today and didn't start writing till this morning, cuz of my full day: Lecture-Tutorial-Experiment-Blast!-9th Anni Remedial-Hall Dance Prac.

4) Worried for 9th anni vetting. Jasper and I and the freshies have been working really hard but we've still got lots of work to do. And we're running out of time. The choreo and blocking looks good, but lots to clean up and perfect.

5) I really, really like our item, though. :) And secretly wish to perform it someday! Oops not a secret anymore.

6) I realise I really enjoy choreo-ing, teaching, and even blocking.

7) But blocking a 13 people item with 7 people is really quite hell. x___x

8) Is being overworked. And is very very sleep-deprived. But, then again, so is everyone else. *no right to complain* =x
2-4 hours of sleep a night is really not enough.

9) E Learning week for Arts hardly applies to me because 75% of my lessons are going on as per normal. =/

10) Is going to fix her hair next week!! :D

Incoherent points of summary thanks to wonkified brain WHOOHOO

i just wanna dance. for Him.

2010-08-21T01:14:00.006+08:00

it's been awhile since i sat down to eat with people. these past few days have been filled with days spent alone at the Deck, Dance Studio, sometimes even AS7. i've never liked eating alone, but it...just happened.

today, i met Magnus at the Deck, randomly. and then we were joined by Mel, also randomly, then Cheryl, then Jasper. all randomly as well! haha. i shall resolve to eat at the Deck more because it seems like THE place to meet people. TEEHEE.

today, i also finished my NUSSU bash item, FINALLY.

and today, i talked and thought about dance.
about what it means to me,
about how it has brought me close to so many people,
about how it's one of the greatest gifts God has given to me.

dance has inspired me,
moulded me,
tormented me,
groomed me,
purged me,
and, through God, made me.

i think there is probably nothing that has changed my life so much besides dance.

it is what God has used to help me meet some of the people who i love most,
it is what God has given to me to help me feel and appreciate all kinds of music, another one of His wonderful gifts,
it is what God has blessed me with to keep me thankful, and smiling, even when times seem difficult, or unfair, or injust.

it is truly a gift from Him.

Magnus shared this with me, and i'm going to share it again here, because it has touched me, and i know it will touch some of you too. :)

Don't ever give dance up, because God doesn't make mistakes.
He didn't make a mistake when He made you a dancer.
So just dance,
because even if it isn't your profession,
it's your passion.

------

and that is why i dance.
not just for myself,
or for my loved ones,
but for Him.
because it was Him who first gave it to me.

thank you, Lord, for dance. :)

kong.

2010-08-12T21:03:00.005+08:00

today, i am blogging because i'm feeling a little empty.

i guess it's because it's the first time there isn't any Blast! related activity going on in weeks. not even a lunch with Blast!mates or something like that. haha.

it wasn't that my day was a drag, because it really wasn't.

i had my first photography lesson today! and loaned a DSLR camera today as well! been playing around a little with it. i have to share it with a classmate, so i'm passing it to her on Monday, meaning that i'm going to be having it over the weekend, i.e. CFA Dance Marathon and Sixteen Crew Challenge! :D what a wonderful opportunity for photos!

had hall prac after that too, but my legs and butt are aching pretty badly from the lunges yesterday. yes, chiitarng, you were right. :/ i didn't expect them to hurt THIS much.

and now i've somehow ended up getting a free ticket from my friend to Eusoff Bash. :/

well i am leaving on the latest bus there and returning to hall on the earliest bus back.

i hate clubbing. why am i even going? because i don't want others to think that i'm unfriendly? maybe.

on a side note, tomorrow is a horrid day.

rushing to Ubi from hall for driving.
rushing back home (serangoon) to take Betts' pants.
rushing to esplanade to pass Betts the pants.
rushing back to school for lesson.
rushing to Marina Bay for a concert.

i hate tomorrow. :( well, the rushing around, at least.

------

it's days like these when i like to question my life, to find out what fulfills me, and what makes me happy.

i like to assess my life, and see what's missing, and see what impact that missing "thing" has on me.

and today, i found out that sometimes, i'm just scared at the thought of being alone.

because i didn't get it.

2010-07-29T02:27:00.002+08:00

sometimes there are some things you just can't get over,
no matter how hard you try or how consistently you keep telling yourself to get over it,

sometimes it just doesn't work.

as much as i've tried to tell myself to get over it, to make myself stop thinking about it, and to make myself stop getting hurt by it,

...

...

...

...even though i hate to admit it,
up to today,

it still hurts.

@__@

2010-07-27T11:04:00.002+08:00

feeling kinda stressed and light-headed and yet happy all at the same time that i don't even know what to say.

have a good and stress-free week everyone.

2010-07-24T21:25:00.002+08:00

There is something you must understand about the way I work.

If you need me, and do not want me around,
I will stay.

But if you no longer need me, and want me around,
I will go.

--Nanny McPhee

thanksgiving.

2010-07-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

no matter how much of a fool it makes you look,

you'll continue to keep growing to love it more and more.

you'll continue to want to improve,
work harder,
and do better.

that's why dance can sometimes be cruel,
in a way.

but thank you, dear Lord, for this wonderful blessing,
for giving me opportunities to dance,
for me to indulge in this wonderful gift of yours.

you give me more than i deserve,
so so so much more.

thank you, Lord, for the gift of dance.

----

also, thank you Lord, for the gift of friendship.
for my wonderful friends...
who've extended helping hands,
kind words,
earnest support to me.

if i hadn't met some of them today at PA,
or had such fun with them yesterday,
i think i would've gone crazy
from all the self-created stress and anxieties.

thank You for going out of Your way to bless me :)

do ya!

2010-07-18T01:18:00.003+08:00

performance today plus Sachoom dancical! twas a good day--the photos speak for themselves! :)

heh, i am also slowly getting more used to photoshopping photos! :D

before photoshopping:

after photoshopping:

the difference in sorta subtle, but what i did what to up the contrast and brightness, and remove some of those oil shines from our faces. the clone stamp/brush is fun to use :)

oh and the picture is of me and 2 of the Korean dancers from the dancical! TEEHEE i wanted to at least get a photo with them before we left. LOL.

and omg there's this list of songs constantly looping at the shop i work at, and some of them are actually pretty good for dancing!

the only thing is that many of them become ear-worms, even after i get sorta tired of hearing them over again.

---

Do you know what it feels like
Loving someone
And feeling the rush that pulls you away..?

Do you know what it feels like
To be the last one
To know
That your whole world has changed...?

Do you know, do you know, do you know,

Do ya?

directions.

2010-07-16T00:53:00.004+08:00

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where--

Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't matter which way you go.

Alice: --so long as I get somewhere.

Cheshire Cat: Oh you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

---

i don't know where i'm heading,
but i guess i'll get there, to wherever i'm supposed to get to, as long as i keep walking.

DON'T STOP MOVING. :)

new picture.

2010-07-12T06:50:00.003+08:00

remember those boys i mentioned in my previous post? well, they still rank below:

especially
#1:

#2:

HEHE I HAVE TOTALLY EMBARRASSED MYSELF IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HEHEHE

hav a cuppa.

2010-07-10T00:36:00.009+08:00

i've been thinking about/dreaming of a scene involving a cuppa coffee at midnight these few days.

A midnight coffee for the insomniac, in a warm, cosy cafe, dimmed lights, and the soothing sound of jazz music played live on a grand piano just some metres away.

A midnight coffee for the one who just can't sleep, a warm, comforting embrace from him on the couch where she sits, till they both fall asleep in each others' arms.

A midnight coffee for her (who doesn't need it), for her who's just taking it, to help her get to sleep--because it keeps her awake with him.

...i think i just really want to work at a cafe, serving and making drinks. T_T
i also think Alice In Wonderland is getting to the way i type and think HOHOHO.

------

also, i have realized that the Korean guys who i think are the cutest coolest and awesomest have something in common--
G-Dragon

Hong Ki

Nichkhun

--i first saw them and hence thereon started fangirling over them when they had blonde hair.

i also do not go for guys who are blonde. :/

i puzzle myself sometimes. *shrugs*

flippin' fancy.

2010-07-04T21:50:00.006+08:00

i thought of designing shoes and naming a shoe design series "Flippin' Fancy" just for fun. i even designed a draft logo for it HAHA i am such a weirdo.

----

a day at a theme park. like those huge ones in Korea. or Disneyland. especially during Christmas, where the mood and decorations are just right. a little snow wouldn't hurt.

breakfast in bed, home-cooked, freshly prepared, and lovingly served.

mixing drinks, shakes and juices at a cafe, serving everything cheerfully with a smile, and also a little extra sugar.

the smell of cookies and brownies, baking and browning in the oven.

skull candy headphones in royal purple and brilliant gold.

new PSP and computer games, and a DS on top of that to play Pokemon all day.

a picnic in the park, on a cosy straw mat, and a rattan basket full of food we prepared together, under a large shady tree, overlooking a vast field of flowers.

a midnight coffee, warmly sheltered from the cold, pouring rain outside, with good company and an equally good conservation going.

self-indulgent, decadent desires for hedonistic pleasures--
my flippin' fancies.

----

Day 5.

2010-06-24T19:43:00.004+08:00

this is sad, but i guess this posts is going to be my last post about my wonderful stay in Tokyo, Japan.

first interesting thing we saw this morning was this lady about 20-ish dressed in the Glee Cheerios outfit, dancing BY HERSELF at the foot of an overhead bridge in Shinjuku! she carried a portable radio that was playing Hey Mickey and danced for the whole length of the song. and yes, she was smiling cheerleader-style, ALL THE WAY. after she finished, she shouted something Cheerleader-style, again, for some time. my family and i were passing by her, and when we passed her a second time, she was packing up, put on a dull olive green overall dress thing, spectacles, and walked off (probably to somewhere else to do the same thing). talk about a SUPERMAN MOMENT, seriously.

aside from that, we tried a typical "fast food" breakfast this morning. outside the breakfast restaurant, there's a machine that looks something like a vending machine. there are loads of buttons to press, each representing an order. when you insert money and press a button, you get a coupon you can present to the staff inside to order food! the best part was that the food was SOO GOOD. one of the best meals i've had! and it's REAL food, not junk fast food. like Oyako-don 親子丼 which is steamed chicken and egg on rice.
if only Singapore had fast food like that.

also, the entire restaurant was operated by only a single person. D: One Man (or woman, in this case) Operation.

i bought a fashion magazine for my cousin and took a flip through it. lots of the current fashion trends i've observed on the streets were reflected in magazines like these. many Japanese really make an effort to keep up to whatever's "in fashion" at the moment. of course dressing styles can be very varied, especially in areas like Harajuku. but in high fashion districts like Shibuya, there's a common theme in girls' dressing--hippie head bands, floral print overalls, big ribbons on their heads... (of course not all at once, these are mixed and matched with the right matching pieces and accessories)

i also saw someone who looked like Thomas TinkyTee! he had his hairstyle, was wearing a white shirt, jeans, a scarf, and brown highcuts just like him! (typical thomas dressing style) the only thing was that he was wearing shades, so i couldn't see his face. still! super funny. xD was laughing to myself. :P

we headed to Don Quixote, or Donki for short, a supermart with said great discounts and bargains. they're like a Daiso, but more varied and, of course, more expensive. they sold A LOT of foodstuffs and snacks, so i bought a lot of food back for my buddies back home. :) feel very happy!

we had no choice but to head back to our hotel first to deposit our haul before going to Harajuku again. taking the train back was easy, but expensive. :/ then, we had lunch at a nice restaurant along the street linking our hotel and the subway station. this road is full of pedestrians and cyclists every single day. i've seen more cyclists and pedestrains than actual vehicles here in Tokyo.

my Japanese came in very handy during lunch, OH PHEW. getting more confident and comfortable conversing in Japanese! too bad it's our last day here already. :(

there's a political campaign going on today. some man was rousing the crowd with a charismatic speech in Shinjuku, and another lady in Harajuku was SINGING her campaigning speech. super cool.

my family and i wanted to visit the Meiji Jingu shrine before we went shopping in Harajuku. we had to pass the famous cosplay bridge, which was, of course, empty of cosplayers since today wasn't a Sunday. usually this bridge is PACKED with cosplayers to the MAX on Sundays. i really wanted to see this place at its peak, but sadly, i guess i'll have to wait for another time.

the Meiji shrine was a FREAKING long walk in. but the shrine itself is pretty impressive. one cool part is this section with many many small wooden plates which guests can purchase to write prayers and wishes. there were planks from ALL kinds of countries, Korea, China, Hong Kong, England, USA, Spain, France etc etc judging by the languages in which they were written in.

one plank that really amused me was this one that said,
"I wish to ride on the Singapore flyer again. :)"

...like. WHAT THE TON-KATSUUUUU.

oh and Harajuku, besides having a lot of cosplayers and very interestingly dressed people, has a lot of skaters as well. one dude was skateboarding all the way down the road. in red Supras. T___T

today i saw a lot more interestingly dressed guys. besides the hiphoppers, there were lots more punk and lolita dudes. with green, blue, and SUPER GORGEOUS RED hair. and of course a lot a lot a lot of blondes. the hairstyles here are SO AWESOME. people here really dare to wear ANYTHING--i LIKEEEE.

AND AND i THOUGHT i saw Lando from Boogiezone in Harajuku today! there was this guy in dance clothes and super nice dance shoes and he looked JUST LIKE LANDO. i just stopped in the middle of the street and stared. but i guess i'll never find out if it really was him. :/

bought Willy's present. :) it was rather costly, planning to get others to share with me.

last day here. and my mum's chasing me to bathe! i'd better go. i have so much more to say to Tokyo, for giving me such a good time here, even without Disneyland. but most of all, THANK YOU LORD FOR KEEPING US SAFE AND HAPPY.

see you all back in Mother Land in a bit. :)

日本が大好き！！！また日本へ行きたい！その時前に，ずっとこの所を覚える．．．ずっとずっと心にある！バイバイ日本！本当に楽しくて，面白かったね．．．また来年．．．？　xD
．．．その時は日本とアメリカと，どちらのほうが好きだろうか？

signing out,
nicnic.
Tokyo, Japan.

Day 4.

2010-06-23T20:27:00.003+08:00

phew! back earlier than expected on the fourth day of our trip!

today, we took a trip to Studio Ghibli, museum housing the wonderful, amazing work of Hayao Miyazaki!!! :D i've been wanting to go to this place since FOREVER. i'm so so thankful i finally managed to go today!

we spent the morning getting a bit lost here and there, but eventually managed to make our way to Mitaka station, thanks to the basic Japanese i know. ever since i've come to Japan, i'm really thankful that i'm able to read katakana カタカナ, and speak basic Japanese to get directions to places and ask about stuff i wanna buy. (like my SHOES HEHEHE.)

we took a shuttle bus to Studio Ghibli and already, when we were there, there a looong queue waiting to go in. (despite the museum having just opened) but all the waiting, the pushing, the shoving and all the nonsense was reeally worth it. the museum was as awesome as i could've ever imagined.

the whole museum has a very cosy feeling, and everything's made of wood. it looks a little vintage and antique-ish, everything's bathed in a soft orange glow, there's wooden chairs, tables, stained glass windows, and huge metal cage encasing a metal staircase leading up several floors. even the toilet was soo elaborately decorated, with vintage tapestry, cushy chairs, olden-looking lights... many people didn't realize it was a toilet, resulting in several men accidentally wandering into the Ladies and emerging, looking rather sheepish, several moments later.

there was a permanent exhibition area that featured models of how Miyazaki does his magic in animation, including a strobe light display similar to the one at the Pixar exhibition. it's difficult to explain, but just know that it was really cool :D the galleries displayed things like his original sketches, concepts, character designs and scenary designs. there were hundreds of paintings of scenes, in either watercolour or acrylic, and they were all simply gorgeous. he paints A LOT.
(anime animators usually paint their backgrounds and animate their characters over the backgrounds using transparent sheets. most of the background isn't drawn on computer, most of the time. or at least, in Miyazaki's case. different anime producers use different techniques)

they shipped in a replica of Miyazaki's work table with a completed painting of a scene from one of his many many films. the work table was a really comfortable place to work in, cosy and antique, everything within easy reach--sweets, reference books, wooden action doll to help with poses, lamp, many pots of paint, and stationery all over. it looked like a really nice place to work at.

one of his work tables had a light box in it. this was probably the table he used to draw out his animation frames. the light box renders ordinary paper transparent so you can draw over a slightly different image over the original image. this is a technique used by animators. pretty common sense and basic, haha. he also made use of transparency sheets like "layers" in photoshop. like real life 3D layers to create depth in his drawings.

that dude has created soo many films, and he's still producing more! i think my favourite's possibly Spirited Away, though. :) i have an urge to go watch all his films and have a Miyazaki marathon! :D

the Straw Hat Cafe at the museum sold really yummy-looking (but also VERY EXPENSIVE) cakes and food. and there's a perpetual long queue just to enter the damn cafe. thankfully my parents got bored early and went in early, so they managed to get seats. i had no idea the cafe was so popular.

i also bought something from the souvenir store--a dustball keychain! :D (yes those little black fluffy things from Spirited Away) i wanted the Kiki's Delivery Service cat soft toy, but it was a little too expensive... i settled for the keychain instead. it's still super cute ^o^

we had lunch at a soba restaurant, and we were so hungry i forgot to take photos of our lovely lovely food! D: (we only had a bit of bread early in the morning to set off for the museum) but the food was really good, Japan really serves the best soba, katsu-don, and negitoro-don in the WORLD. :D

also, this is random, but we passed by a cake/bread store called Kinokuniya, while the real bookstore was directly one floor above. HAHA. the book store has a HUGE section dedicated to manga ALONE. man, this really is Japan, HAHA.

after Mitaka, we decided to head to Shibuya for some shopping. unfortunately, everything there was SUUPER expensive and branded, so we headed to Harajuku instead, though we intended to go there tomorrow.

on the way, we saw a double-deckered TRAIN. i supposed it's meant for long journeys so that all passengers can get seats to rest. but wow, it was quite an interesting sight! xD

as for Harajuku 原宿, just being in that place is awesome. we headed to Takeshita-dori, a one-way street lined with numerous shops! there are a lot of foreigners here, but of course, even more Japanese! lots of Caucasians and African-Americans. one of the latter was even manning a stall i visited, some hiphop street wear stall that wasn't cheap at all, since they claimed to be selling real DCs and Supras. which are, duh, not cheap. but OMG the Supras were GORGEOUS. expensive, but EXPENSIVELY GORGEOUS. *eye-gasm*

first thing i did here was to buy asymmetrical earrings. HAHA. oh and bright yellow big hoops. ^_^

passed by several shoe stores that were half-ravaged by me LOL (my mum is so sick of me looking at shoes already) that offered very good discounts for their local brands. i.e. brands we haven't heard of. haha. so tempted to buy again, but i didn't today.

one store even had the orange and metallic purple DC high-cuts i wanted, but for around the same price. T___T LOVELY SHOES LOVE TO TAUNT ME.

another thing i really love about Harajuku is the people's DRESSING. although it wasn't Sunday (Cosplay day, where cosplayers all over Japan flock to the bridge at Harajuku to meet with their fellow cosplayers), we still saw many Visual K (punk, metal, rock people) and Lolita cosplayers. they had all kinds of hair--green, bright pink, bright blue, bright red, mixtures of several colours, but mostly BLONDE. it's probably the most popular hair dye colour here. their dressing was equally awesomez. lacey dresses, platform boots, huge puffy skirts, layers of crazy stockings, lots of dress styles...

we even saw a crossplayer! (Cross-player = cross-gender cosplayer) he was this dude wearing a long gothic lolita dress OMG damn epic. he didn't put make up like a girl, he was clearly a dude, in a dress. with frills. and lace. and ribbons. super awesome.

there's also a four storey Daiso in Harajuku! SO BIG. but somehow i think Singapore's is a little better. hmm...

still haven't managed to buy much stuff back for everyone! D: it's more difficult than i thought to buy gifts here in Japan OMGG i shouldn't have been so geh-kiang and asked people what they wanted, lol. really don't wanna end up disappointing them!

at least tomorrow's rather free, in the sense that there's nowhere to rush to in particular. maybe i can catch up on my souvenir shopping for everyone. I HOPE.

Day 3.

2010-06-22T22:06:00.007+08:00

Day 3 in Tokyo was probably the most tiring yet.

lots of walking and train taking today! the Japanese subway has profited much from my family today, i tell you.

one random thing about Japan: there are A LOT of cake and pastry stores that look suuuper yummy. like those sparkling, heavenly ones always featured in anime.

just add super a lot of sparkles to this one.

breakfast today was normal, eaten at the hotel. it wasn't much, but we didn't have much time to spend on breakfast. i remember the yummiest thing being the onion soup. wanna learn how to make soup like that!

today we really got our fill of Japanese trains. here's what the map of Tokyo's train lines looks like.

not pretty.
mind you this is ONLY Tokyo.

some stations are interchanges, just like the ones in Singapore. the difference is, an interchange usually has 3 or more lines running through it. this is because there are main lines connecting the main stations in Tokyo, and also smaller stations connected by the subway lines. one interchange can have as many as 5 train/subway lines running through it! that's like having NEL, EWL, NSL, Circle Line, and Downtown Line all in one station! (there aren't even 5 lines operating in Singapore, since the Downtown line isn't up yet)

so yes, taking the train can be a little bit confusing. and tiring, seeing that there are hardly any escalators in train stations. lol.

we met Aunty Karen at the main Shinjuku station, and she agreed to take us to BOTH Akihabara and Ameyayokocho! xD

we went to Ameyayokocho first, to look for MITA Sneakers. along the way, i bought my first pair of shoes from Japan, HOHO. they cost ~S$45, quite happy with them ^o^ so tempted to buy another pair of the same brand from that same shop! but decided to wait first lah. my mum despises them as usual, haha. they're chunky and remind her of my yellow shoes (though they aren't yellow) so of course she'd hate them. *shrugs*

we had delicious sashimi and Japanese rice for lunch--salmon, tuna, squid, sweet shrimp, raw mashed tuna, and sukiyaki udon. soo yummy... i was so sad that i forgot to take photos! D:

we found the MITA Sneakers store that Lionel recommended, and it's true, they really do have very good deals! :) but they cost, on average, about double that of the shoes i bought. then again, these are Nike, Puma, Vans, Adidas, Converse we're talking about, not the Rebecca Bonbons i bought. haha...

oh, and the shop opposite was selling Radii (straight jacket series) and Supra. :O !!!
but they were also Radii and Supra price. haha. i'm happy i got to TOUCH them though!!! HEHE cheap thrill.

i was debating whether i should buy this turquoise nike dunks for ~S$105, black&gold puma or purple&blue puma for ~S$90+ but decided not to in the end. we also passed this store selling original high-cut DCs in crazy colours OMG SOOOO NICEEE there were 2 pairs i really liked--one black with bronze&silver&gold scribblings. another shiny metallic purple and neon orange. but these cost ~S$155 a pair. T___T

after all that shopping where my family was kind enough to put up with my indecisiveness, we took a train to Akihabara!

Akihabara is famous for its electrical appliances and maid/cosplay cafes, as well several shops selling anime merchandise.

the first thing i did was hop into an Apple shop and play Plants Vs Zombies on the iPad omg SO SWEET the iPad is sooo...BIG. HAHA. (for lack of a better word)

the second thing i did was charge into a shop selling lots of anime merchandise--Durarara, Axis Powers Hetalia, Gintama, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Hitman Reborn, Bleach, Vocaloid, and most of the current popular anime. no Soul Eater though... T__T there were mario & all the abovementioned anime shirts, all kinds of character models (especially Square Enix ones like Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy), customized Tsuna earphones, customised thumbdrive (which cost S$75 or i would've bought it), Neon Genesis Evangelion hairclips (that look like their communicators), some FFXIII elixir drink that came in an ordinary drink can... i felt like buying it, drinking whatever crazy stuff they put in the can, and keeping the can afterward xD

but i didn't. oh well. it was wonderful seeing those stuff though!

we also saw a lot of girls in maid costumes promoting their Maid Cafes メイド．キャフェー. what these cafes do is they serve food and drinks like normal cafes, but the waitresses are all dressed in maid costumes! the costumes are really SUPER CUTE, all those frilly dresses and high socks.
something like this:

(not my photo. i didn't want to take any of them cuz they looked quite pitiful trying to promote their cafes in the hot sun already x( )

my mum didn't want to pay the extra price of being served by maids, so we went to McDonald's for a drink instead. :/

on the way back to the station, we passed a Gundam Cafe OMG there was a queue outside too just for people waiting to go in! Aunty Karen bought some taiyaki sweet pastry thing with red bean inside for me in the shape of a Gundam LOL.

we then took a LOOONG train ride to Aunty Karen's house which is located on the outskirts of Tokyo. just for that one train ride from Akihabara to our destination, we had to pay about S$10 PER PERSON. (this does not include our other numerous train rides today) @__@

in the train, we saw LOADS of typical modern Japanese housing estates, the kind you see in anime!
okay i shall stop drawing references to anime.
but it's so cool to actually see those streets in real life! HOOO

and also a lot of cute Japanese boys on the train. HAHA okay irrelevant point.

to get to Aunty Karen's house, we had to take a walk into a typical Japanese housing estate. her house had this cool robot cleaner that cleans automatically, can sense where to turn to enter rooms, stop and turn around before the stairs and clean all flat surfaces on a single floor without human assistance. OMG.

we also caught a bit of the most recent Bleach episode on tv, hehe. guess what--NO SUBTITLES. (duh)

my cousin Eri was pretty happy to see us, and gave me a present OMG i feel sooo paiseh cuz i didn't get one for her T^T Hiro, her adorable white dog, was also doing really well! he's still as lively and energetic as ever, despite being almost 60 in human years.

dinner was yummy, of course. had barbeque at a restaurant! with kimchi, tomato salad, roasted cow tongue, beef, cow intestines (which are UNCHEWABLE) and cold noodles afterward. it was really yummy.

i also found out that my cousin wants to become a Japanese-English translator in future! :D this is great, because it means she's gonna work hard to brush up on her English!! :D wheehee.

also she goes to Sophia Junior College, the college affiliated to Sophia Daigaku/University, i.e. the one that's REALLY GOOD AT DANCE. :D SUPER COOL. she doesn't dance, though. but i tried to persuade her to go there HEHE.

after that we took the looong 1 hour + train ride back to Shinjuku.

i'm back in my hotel room, it's midnight, Tokyo time, and i think i really need to bathe. TEEHEE.

tomorrow is STUDIO GHIBLI TIME OMG

Day 2.

2010-06-21T19:07:00.004+08:00

Day 2 of our Tokyo trip has drawn to a close.

the day began with us taking the Japanese subway to the main Shinjuku station. the subway isn't as crowded as the main train line (like the shinkansen 新幹線). along the way we saw a number of students in typically Japanese school uniforms. omg i LOVE Japanese uniforms!!! *heartheart* 日本の制服が大好き!!!

because it was so early, the main departmental stores weren't open. we walked around looking for a breakfast place, and finally decided on a Curry Rice store カレーライスショップ after rejecting KFC and McDonald's. the curry was DIVINE. the portions were a little too big and heavy for breakfast, but delicious nonetheless.

after walking around, we decided to visit the Tokyo Metropolitan Government building. it's a building that's tall enough to get a bird's eye view of Tokyo. we even spotted Mt. Fuji amidst the clouds! Tokyo's street scene is interesting in the sense that amidst the modern apartments and skyscrapers/office buildings lie traditional Japanese shrines and small huts or temples. it makes an interesting cityscape! everything is really super duper cramped together.

also, at the tower, i saw how 2 window cleaners suddenly descended right in front of 2 chinese people. instead being shocked or afraid, they were straining to see the view from around the cleaners, since they were blocking most of the window. =__=
also the window cleaners looked nothing like typical window cleaners. they were well groomed, had nice hair, and looked very young. oh well.

we saw huge ravens/crows (i can't tell the difference. are ravens bigger?) on the way to Tully's for a tea break. i finally had my lovely MATCHA LATTE. which was a little too creamy but still yummy :D

on the way back to the pick up point for the half-day tour Mum signed us up for, we passed shops selling really pretty clamshell phones which UNFORTUNATELY don't work back in Singapore T__T, some nice shoes (but none i really fancied yet), a lot of cafes/restaurants that cater to people looking for a quick meal (alone), standing sushi/soba bars (where you stand throughout your meal) and lots of other neat things.

the day tour wasn't totally exciting, but nice enough, i guess. we took a boat ride to Odaiba (i remember this place from Digimon!! :D) which was full of Chinese people. at Odaiba, there's a small beach, a really really tiny miserable one, but the people there looked happy with it. i guess they don't get to see the beach much.

while on the tour, we passed an adidas store, and it was selling those limited edition sneakers in crazy colours!!! wanted to stop to take a look but we didn't have time. T__T oh well.

after the tour, we headed to a basement selling nothing but FOOD. mostly bento. and lovely desserts! we bought lots of yummy authentic Japanese food, took photos of them. ^_^

as of yet, i've not done any shopping yet. i really wanna go harajuku, ameyayokocho, akihabara to shop! hopefully we'll get a chance to do all!

also i would like to add that all Japanese boys our age style their hair, and most of them dress very well. also, a lot of them have better complexion than me. WHAT IS THIS D:

no wonder people always say Japanese boys are cute.
(some are a little too pretty though. :/)

Day 1.

2010-06-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

so i'm here, on my first day in Tokyo, Japan. and thanks to how advanced and well-connected this place is, there is, of course, free Internet in the hotel room!

well, not much happened today, because most of our day was spent, um, flying.

(on a side note, air stewardess on plane liked my drawings HEHE Soul Eater and Original Chibis)

but Japan is really a different place from Singapore. this is something i think about everytime i set foot/look at pictures or anime of Japan.
the dressing, (i saw sooo many people with nice shoes today omg),
the buildings, (all the colourful, lighted billboards as well as narrow and numerous alleys)
the culture, (polite and courteous, at least most of them la)
and so much more...

so we arrived in Tokyo, Narita Airport. took a bus to Shinjuku Station 新宿駅 and a cab from there to our hotel. our hotel's a pretty small one, as with most buildings in Tokyo. it's new and well-maintained though! and i'm sooo fascinated by the facilities in the room. there's an electric stove, a microwave, tonnes of utensils and crockery like can openers, frying pans, pots, and there's also a toaster! Japanese like preparing their own meals, i guess, and they're very accustomed to and good at it. i really like our cosy, high-tech, modern room!

space is fully maximised and optimized here. my Japanese Studies teacher once told us that the 2 most expensive things in Tokyo are accomodation and transport. land here is so expensive, so people have to think of ways of fully utilizing the space here.

after settling down, my family and i ventured out to the streets of Shinjuku in search of DINNER. after walking around for some time and finding countless food outlets and restaurants, we finally settled on a Japanese-Western restaurant. the food was lovely, 本当においしいです！unfortunately, smoking was allowed INSIDE the restaurant, so sometimes the smell of smoke is really unbearable. i swear my throat felt really sore and dry after leaving the place.

we had Caesar Salad, Takonomiyaki　たこのみ焼き (Okonomayaki but with octopus), Tomato Cream Prawn and Asparagus Spaghetti, Spicy Cod Roe Mentaiki Spaghetti and Carbonara. it was soo yummy, and fairly priced too!

after dinner, we proceeded to walking around the area and exploring it. bought some sweets, and also visited a CD/DVD/Games store selling suuuuuper cheap PSP games!!! didn't buy because everything was in Japanese... ;___; wanted the Dissidia and Crisis Core games omgg... and perhaps Disgaea too. also saw a lot of J Pop CDs i was tempted to buy, like Yui, Aqua Timez, Do As Infinity, and countless anime DVDs! nearly fainted with joy when i saw Soul Eater HAHA. lovelovelove.

passed by Bento stores おべんと　selling bentos, and the convenience stores コンビニ selling things like gyoza and other REAL food. also, all the instant microwavable food sold at 7-11 were the traditional Japanese food, like curry rice, Japanese Napolitan spaghetti, Japanese Baked Rice, Udon, Zaru Soba etc etc. food fest!

so yea, back at the hotel room now. can't wait for tomorrow. ^_^

2010-06-18T03:38:00.003+08:00

it was fun, all this while. preparing for the Turf Club performance. thank you Jasper, Rachew, Magnus, Cheryl, Poonie, Jason, Chii Tarng and Weina for making this so enjoyable. :)

shall type a longer entry when i wake up.

shall also type anime reviews HOHO.

i would also like to add that Kid, Soul, Black Star and other Soul Eater characters are such complete idiots. i love them. *heart*

--

I think I think too much, because sometimes I just want to be sure of things. /excuses

what a horrible day.

2010-06-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

well. i expected Results Day to be bad, but this was indeed Bad Beyond My Expectations.

the day started with me sleepily grabbing my phone and clicking on the first message i saw in my inbox.

which happened to be the Push SMS that displays your results and your CAP.

and my day just keep going down from there.

my Korean and 2208 were TERRIBLE. and my CAP dropped like CRAZY. i was so freaking appalled, i was speechless and emo throughout the whole morning and afternoon. managed to push aside the emo-momo during evening thanks to Jasper, KengWee, and Elm, but i felt terrible about my results for the rest of the day.
i still do.

i'm going to have to do super well to pull my CAP back up to its original of 4.0. this means As and more As. :/

...i don't get As in uni. this might be a problem.

and now that i CAN in fact S/U Korean, i'm going to have to explain why my CAP is still below 4.0.

also, on my way to Plaza Sing before Elm's, i was questioned and interrogated, vexed and annoyed, shaken and confused by a street-evangelist. (for lack of a better name, let's just stick to street-e girl, though i think what she was doing can hardly be called evangelism) i believe God had a specific purpose for sending the girl to me, though i'm not entirely sure of it yet.

then @ POMO, a man was assaulted/robbed and killed, and his body lay on the front porch, right in front of the danz people entrance. it was really scary. and tragic. my first time seeing a dead body not in a coffin. ever. it was a really saddening and haunting scene..

and then at night, after Elm's, when i was with Wee and Jasper, i found out that Elm is gay. D: *cries*

well i hollered WHY ARE DOPE MALE DANCERS ALL GAY, Wee responded with the comment that "maybe it's a requirement".

and why can't straight guys be sweet and nice! *narrows eyes at Wee and Jasper, who avoided this question by staring intently at their phones*

i guess good stuff did happen today. like Elm's. and my haircut. and the realisation that there ARE dope straight male dancers. like Ryan Tan, Keone Madrid, The Then. (they are also all TAKEN.) i should be thankful for these :)

now, i'm going to lie on my bed, and think about what to tell my mum tomorrow morning, when i tell her that Korean can be S/U-ed and my CAP still isn't that spectacular.

...sigh.

20th May.

2010-05-21T00:40:00.003+08:00

since i'm going to blog about events that occurred on the 20th of May, i shall name this post the 20th of May, even though i am effectively typing it on the 21st of may. so there.

today was another good day, Chris finished up on the Dreamweaver workshop, where we learnt to make menu bars, dropdown menu lists, templates and a few other tricks! after the class, we stayed back to chat as well, and i formed a rough idea/plan regarding the modules i want to take for the next sem or two. this is taking into consideration that sem 2 is going to be JUST AS CRAZY this year, since i have Eusoff DP + 10th anni happening around the same time. phew.

after the workshop, i decided to head to the Deck to slack, since i only needed to be at PA to help out with the dance thingy @ 7pm. and coincidentally, i met Magnus at the Deck! unfortunately, we didn't speak much, though. i had lunch rather quietly because he was on the phone the whole time, haha! he hung up just as he was about to leave. :/
which was when Melvin and Zheng Han showed up!

Melvin, ZhengHan and i then proceeded to continue slacking at the Deck, watching Iron Man, talking, eating, figuring out what the heck was wrong with Melvin's free camera, laughing at Melvin niao-ing ZhengHan (this is the first time i've actually seen someone who can be niao-ed by Mel. honestly he's the butt of EVERYONE'S niao-ing!) and so on.

before we left, we meet Poonie and Fred, albeit separately.
(the Deck is seriously the central meeting place in NUS)

Weina was super early! sorry to keep you bored and waiting and harassed by supposed charity people selling cheapo ballpoint pens for $2 each to raise funds! :x

the Finale prac turned out to be really fun :) although it was also very tiring since Weina and i, being the only Hip Hop representatives there, were blocked in for all the onstage dancing. :/ good gosh i really suck balls at the Cha Cha Cha.

met Fazzy/Fazli there too! such a pleasant surprise seeing him there! :D he's reeeally good at Malay Dance--i never knew! :O

generally, the people there were all friendly and niceee. :) and the choreo they taught us was quite fun to do! it's not what we're used to doing, but it's a nice experience. :) i'm actually quite excited to learn the choreo Pat has in store for us 8 dancers. :D the Finale's already pretty fun, though Nana and i had to learn all the steps and blocking for all 4 songs in one night, but it was manageable. yayay can't wait for Sundayyyyy :)

i'm thankful for the chance to perform for this, even though it was kinda by accident/chance. i'm reeeally grateful. :)

i'm also really grateful for Weina, for her funny jokes, for her advice, and just for her concern. :)
there are better things in life to look forward to,
greater things in life to aim and strive for,
and sweeter things in life to take time to appreciate.

and i thank the good Lord for days and revelations like these. :)

19th May.

2010-05-20T00:49:00.006+08:00

today was a good day :) i learnt Dreamweaver techniques and also a little bit of choreo continuation for Go Hard! after which Poonie and i stayed back for awhile to choreo and just dance.

it felt good but i'm a little tired now. a satisfied kind of tired. :)

it feels weird not dancing every day. i'm thankful that it's no longer every single day, so i have time to recover in between, but there are times when i'm slacking at home, and wondering what else i could be doing with my life during these long holidays.

thankfully these next few days should be better.

Workshop again tomorrow + helping Weina to teach the uh Twist to people. geez, my mum can do the Twist better than me! (she was just teaching me just now)
(also she seems to have forgotten our conversation last night. i hope she won't bring it up again anytime soon.)

possible sharing session/meeting Suu + waacking class on Friday + possibly L4D2 session at night.

Xplosion on Saturday + Dance Night Full Dress Rehearsal + possibly Mish's party/L4D2 session/staying at home to appease parents.

Turf club prac (YESSS) on Sunday + Bry's party.

Eusoff Pre-Orientation Camp for which i'm an OGL from Mon to Weds morning.

Blast! + post EMCC screening on Weds afternoon and night.

Aftereffects workshop on Thursday + Turf Club Show Finale practice.

Waacking on Friday.

Danz people open house on Saturday.

Turf Club Prac + Dance Night 2010 on Sunday!

yeah it's gonna be a pretty good two weeks :) i wonder whether i should even apply for a job at this time since my schedule is still completely subjected to change. but i don't want to spend any time slacking! D: hmm. dilemma!

on a side note, Suu's flying back tomorrow night! i haven't seen her in AGESSS it'll be so fun catching up with her!
i think Sali Chris and Ben are flying back soon too, yay!!

...on a SIDE side note, i hope i can play L4D2 soon. *twitch*

because i love you, mum.

2010-05-18T19:13:00.001+08:00

today over dinner, my mum talked about her colleagues' children, asking why all of them were so brilliant, and where all the average kids are. all of them made it into dentistry or medicine, and are brilliant and smart kids.

"where are all the average kids?" mum asks.

mum also asked why her own children aren't exactly brilliant. they aren't average, but they aren't brilliant either.

why aren't they in medicine, or dentistry?

"...not this topic again."

sometimes i wonder, if i had sacrificed my own happiness for hers, would i be happier? would the happiness i sacrificed be replaced or redeemed by her happiness? because i know what makes my mum happiest is when i get good grades, and get into recognized faculties, and jobs.

would i be happier if i made my mum happy?
am i being too selfish and making her unhappy by being where i am?
by being good at what i'm good at,
and not being good at what she wants me to be good at?

being who my mum doesn't want me to be is tough.
it's so difficult for me to have to look at her,
and know that i can never ever make her proud of me.
because i can never be who she wants me to be.

...but i still love you mum. hope you do too. <3

my family.

2010-05-06T23:06:00.001+08:00

Mum: Tim, can you ask that boy to stop?
Dad: Stop what?
Mum: The comp.

---

Dad: Shaun, stop.
Shaun: Stop what?
Dad: The comp.

... XD

dearest Flicks.

2010-05-01T20:47:00.002+08:00

i really miss you guys and hanging out with you...

we haven't been able to see each other much over the past few weeks or hang out or spend time with each other much either... stupid exams! haizz.

i pray all of you have been doing well, resting well, and having fun. i think about you guys every day, and pray for your well-being and happiness every time i can.

missing dancing with you guys and talking and hanging out...

all the best for the rest of your exams, hang in there! just a week more to go. :)

with lots of love,
nicnic//nicFlick.

danz danz.

2010-05-01T00:52:00.003+08:00

hey so today was danz people recital, and suddenly i'm immersed in the Wonderful World of Dance again, after being somewhat out of touch of it during the MugFest. it'll be a day before i'm back in action again, this time for a performance next week! kekeke. :P

so today, i got to watch the Danz People Recital 2010!!! whootz!

lots of friends performed today, so i stayed up all night packing little packets of chocs and sweets for them and writing their names in Fancy Font. didn't get to sleep till 6.30AM oh gosh. i just wanted to do something nice for them, to show them my lovelove and appreciation! ^_^ that's why i decided to customise their names and manually pack the gifts.

i also made a few for some close dears performing for tomorrow's (effectively today's) May Day at Istana. jiayou for that! and props to those mad and brilliant dancers who performed today and are going to perform at the Istana again in a few hours' time. seriously, muchmuch respect for you guys. GOGOGO.

also drew and wrote cards for three very special, precious friends of mine. :) only 3 of them, hehehe. really hoping they like it, and that it makes them smile. :)

i love my friends :D

the evening started with me chionging over to Dhoby Ghaut, cuz i had NO IDEA which part of NAFA the recital was at. :/ EPIC PHAIL.
tried to ask teo, chew, and zong out for dinner but teo and chew had exams and zong was held up at the other end of Singapore. kinda sad cuz i was looking forward all week to having a nice dinner with them today, since it's been ages since we had a nice chill-out dinner. but cannot help it la, exams come first!

so i met andreww and xin at Kopitiam before going over to NAFA. was very very worried that the Blast!ards wouldn't be able to sit together/get good seats if we didn't go there early to help them chope, so all 3 of us dabao-ed dinner and quick quick chionged over to NAFA to help everyone chope seats! (super aunty, but we really wanted to make sure we could sit together in decent seats) managed to secure some pretty good places for the gang :):):) happyhappy that we could watch it together!

i generally liked the show, but there were some items i REALLY liked--
BOTH of Kate's items: so gangsta, so much attitude, so much energy! plus their costumes were super duper street. whootz! now i know what KengWee meant when he recommended Kate's classes to me, they're NY Style, what i've been wanting to learn for as long as i wanted to learn waacking. wowww i really love her choreography...

Xiao's rollercoaster choreo: i actually saw half of this when they were rehearsing @ RH the other time! it's really nice + synchro + to a catchy song! and their nerd getups were WIN.

Mag's Pop Jazz item: when i heard Pop Jazz, i didn't really know what to expect, since i've seen a few Pop Jazz routines, which were all pretty different to me. but this one was sooo dopeeee oh gosh, so much energy, clean lines, clean turns, dynamic movements--just. WOW.

Mash's (Nash + Mazlan) item: expected that i like this, since i've seen quite a bit of the choreo and supersuper like it, and most of my good friends are in this item, super neat, magnus was always prominent, OMG, SO PROUD OF HIMMMM. i was telling Sali that he stole the limelight many times! there was this whole segment he was in the middle front wow wow. Fred really really wowed me as usual, oh gosh, what is with these boys and their innate ability to do street jazz. Fred was super clean and super nice to watch. i think that Poonie and Claud and Betts did reeeeally well too :) overall one of the neater items, i don't know how they cleaned up until so neat :O

Jootz and Becky's duet: i was rather moved by this one :) i think the effect of the falling...stuff helped a lot. :) it felt surreal for awhile...

so overall, good show everyone! :)

--------

un-related to Recital Morale Boosters/Happy Squirmy Moments.

#1: Pat was a doorman and was super happy to see me! (i was a little surprised he remembered me hahaha) also, when i was sitting in a super unglam postition while eating my dabao-ed dinner outside, he came over to talk to me. he actually came over to ask me why i wasn't doing the MayDay show. at that point, i was so surprised that he realised that i'm not doing it, and was very thankful he remembered. :) he was also very happy to know i'm doing next week's perf. hehehe. thanks for remembering me, Pat!

#2: Ahmad recognized me + remembered my name without any prompting HEHEHE.

#3: Chun was so touched to get my customized sweets package and was so pleasantly surprised--seeing her so happy made me smile too since she's always been so good to Eusoff and us juniors...

#4: KengWee so grateful and shocked and appreciative of my customizing and effort gone into the gift. :) why wouldn't you expect something customized dude, you have FRIENDS okay! (stop chewing other people's flowers) he was like all AHHHH. hahaha xD

--------

after the recital, i was surprised at how many people i met and saw! wow. i love events like these where dancers converge and meet each other and talk and hang out. :) as KengWee said, dancers lag a lot when they get together. hahaa... *guilty*

was looking forward to supper after the recital, but it didn't happen because everyone started disappearing, probably since so many of them were involved in the MayDay thing! so i went home instead.

Daddy was so nice to want to come pick me up even though it was so late. thank you Daddy, i love you~~

so that was my day today. i'm going to go back and finish typing the post i wanted to publish before this, but i wanted to get all my thoughts on the recital out first. hehehe. :)

adios and ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE PERFORMING @ ISTANA LATER. :D

MUGFEST.

2010-04-27T00:01:00.008+08:00

this is probably how most of us are looking now.

yes, this is the time of the MUGFEST. see see it is in CAPS because of its sheer EPICNESS.
(though i'm not really as hardcore as i should be, since my papers are super spaced out)

in the middle of the week, i decided to pop over to Bugis after running errands in Raffles Place. i tried this SUPER DUPER YUMMY unagi rice pizza, before going to the supermarket to buy junk food and treats. :D i tell you, the people at the cashier were staring at what i bought--all unhealthy junk food (typical teenager food). hey come on dudes it's not as if they were ALL meant for me, k. in fact most of them were for other people HAHA.

the short shopping trip was followed by a really long bus ride back to Hall on bus 33. i decided not to listen to any music or sleep, and simply observe this looong route in order to find out where else this bus went and WHY it takes so long to get to NUS. i ended up spending the long ride back reflecting on my life thus far. hoohoohoo.

i passed many many places of nostalgia, places which hold a lot of memories and meaning for me:
Bugis Street. officially my FAVOURITE shopping hangout on the island. because this place has saved my ass quite a number of times on my costume hunting trips. i still remember chionging here for EMCC costumes, some of them just a day before vetting. and i got them pretty cheap! :D the Flicks and i also came here to get our costumes for Impre finals! we were walking around a lot and it was really fun hanging out with them and shopping, even though it's not really the boys' kind of thing. i also remember buying my corset here under the recommendation of the Flicks. :)
i reeeeally love shopping here and want to go back soon. but must go back during a WEIRDASS time so we won't have to fight with the crowd.

Peninsular Shopping Centre. where i began hardcore buying hiphop clothes, where the bboys used to come to buy their Dickies/caps, where Sali and i went shopping, where the Flicks and i came to buy caps and sweats.

Clarke Quay. the place i used to teach for a short while, before i realised that i was being a pushover and letting my boss walk all over me in terms of class schedules and pay. it was a good experience, i learnt much about teaching--how you need to have stamina to teach, talk, explain and do the moves full out every single time. also, you need to be really good at explaining the counts and timing of your choreography, and explaining the technique underlying it. counting while doing full out isn't easy, it requires stamina too. so, i did take a lot away from that experience, but i don't want to teach there again. :P hehe.

Chinatown. i passed by the exact McDonalds we were breakfasting in before our photoshoot! still remember all the funny rubbish we were doing, and how scared we were because we thought we looked too young compared to our competition. ^_^" heehee. hanging around Chinatown was funnyyyy, i miss having fun like that!

Tiong Bahru Tshirt Printing place. the place tieren brought me and suu when we were looking for a tshirt printer. although the Tshirt company thing never really worked out, i'm thankful for the experience. :)

...

...design. dance. hum.

when i reflect about the past, i think about the present, and the future. where i am now, how far i've come.

i'm worried about my future in art--in performing arts AND graphic art. my design portfolio did well, but because of the late submission, i had a substantial cut in my grade. if i don't do well for the design module in the end, i'm not sure how willing my mum will be to let me continue down this path in life. it's something i KNOW i want to do, but if mum says no because my academic grades aren't showing that i'm academically good at it, i might have to fight to do what i want to do. again.

in dance, i just don't want to think so much about my future. i want to live in the NOW, to zham performances, classes, skills in order to level up quickly, so that hopefully i can at least have a part-time job to do with dance in the future. i'm actually really looking forward to my Swaggout class--i'm really looking forward to seeing how the pros do it, and actually meeting them! Ellen Kim!! she's sooo awesome. really hoping that Blast! will be able to bring Kyle and Lyle and her in so all of us can learn together! the classes are pretty expensive though, the price put me off for awhile as well... but once i decided to take them, i'm making an effort to save the money. which means hall food for dinner every night i can help it. x___x

-------

after the exams, i want to pick up on The Everyday Tales Of Fizz And Plurp. (TETOFAP) my simple comic project involving two main characters Fizz and Plurp. while i was supposed to be studying User Preferences and Representations and Prototyping and whatnot, i finished altering their designs and drew storyboards for their comics. :D hehehe. maybe i'll upload them on my sketchblog soon wheehee.

every time i try to bring a character to life, it's like bringing an aspect of me to life. plus minus a bit, here and there. it's like expressing myself, like how different dances help me express myself in different ways. :)

i miss dancing with my friends. sigh.

-------

recently, my dreams have been keeping me smiling till i have to wake up and realise...

...they were just dreams.

when i should be studying.

2010-04-22T22:06:00.005+08:00

why are final fantasy people sooo good looking T v T

see even the kids!

meet Hope Estheim, he's 14, dammit. D:

dope waack!

2010-04-16T22:28:00.005+08:00

FINALLY. the hell fortnight has come to an END. these 2 weeks have really been physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining. i'm really very thankful that it's come to an end. thank you Lord for helping me make it through! :) i couldn't have done it without you. thank you.

this week started with a terrible deadline on Monday--NM2208 portfolio submission, which is THE biggest thing in the whole of a 2208 student's 2208-related life. it's 50% of our grade, because it contains all our assignments + a brief cover of our Final Project (FP). also our Learning Journal, which is a blog, was due the same day. this constitutes the remaining 10% of our grade. 60% in one day what the fishcake seriously!

so yes, because of these deadlines, i decided to, well, not sleep. yes apparently for several days this week, i somehow managed to delude myself into thinking that i was a tank. on Sunday night, i intended to sleep for 1-2 hours before school started, but my mum woke up when i was about to go to sleep. D: which meant that i had to stay awake from thereon. x___x

on Monday, Kris and i literally CAMPED at my block lounge and PIA-ed the whole day! i tried my best to finish everything, but by 6pm, the deadline, i was still less than 3/4 done. i had no choice but to tend it in for late submission, which meant that i would lose 20% of my portfolio grade. for nothing.

so i stayed up again on Monday night, and ended up not sleeping. again. xD i think my body really hates me now.

crashed on Tuesday night, even though i was supposed to mug overnight with magnus, chew and rose. woke up Wednesday morning and immediately CHIONGED to the Central Forum, thinking i could join them for breakfast or something. turns out they didn't overnight in the end, lol, so i decided to stay at my new found mugging location (a bench @ Central Forum with a powerpoint right next to it) for the rest of the morning. and afternoon. spent my 7AM-5PM there mugging Korean and trying to write my essay for Supernaturalism freshman seminar module, worth 50% of my grade. X____X seriously, WHY do i leave the finalising of these 50% essays/portfolios to the last minute?

after 10 hours of staying at the same location and only leaving twice to go to the bathroom, i decided to change location. went to the deck to buy bandung and guess what. through a series of very unfortunate events, i ended up scarring my year-old lappie. T___T *major heartpain*

while recovering from heartpain, i went to the library where i stayed and mugged for a few more hours before going for dinner. at 8.30PM.

after a photoshoot, and other matters, i ended up back in my room around 1am. and decided to pia my Supernatural essay which was due the next day. it was still in the "messy + points&research-all-over-the-place" stage. of course, this meant i had some SERIOUS bucking up to do till 9am, which is the time my seminar starts. unfortunately, i only finished the essay at 11.40am. my seminar ended at noon. i had to print it, run to class and hand it in!

but, taking into consideration how suay i usually am, i missed Dr. Johnson by a minute. :/

no matter! he didn't mind as long as it was in by that day! so sali and weiming accompanied me to his office to hand it up! he praised my OH SO SEXY TITLE, saying he was disappointed that the rest of the class' titles weren't sexy enough. YAY. SCORE ONE FOR NIC.

Sali was distracted by a book on sperms in Dr. Johnson's office. but that's irrelevant.

after handing up the essay, it was back to mugfest because my Korean final test was @ 2pm that day. @____@
well, it went horribly. no word is horrible enough to express how horrible it truly went. i didn't even have time to START on my freaking essay, which was supposed to be 15 sentences long. and the listening was so freaking fast, i hardly had time to even read the question and the speaker just BABBLED on already.
looks like this is going to be my first S/U-ed module.

Thursday's BPC was fun as usual :) something that cheered me up after *inserts word that epitomizes horrible here* Korean test! lots of attitude in choreo--i really had fun. :) the Chicken Party after that went yummyyummy as well, oooh i really loved the baked chicken!!! ^o^

so that was my Sunday-Thursday, out of which, there were 3 days i spent not sleeping. okay to be fair, saying that i didn't sleep AT ALL for these few days is a LIE, because there were times, about once a day, that i simply blacked out or something and remained unconscious for 1-2 hours at a go, waking up promptly after that. fell into like a sudden sleep, like some battery conservation program or something. yes i am become increasingly like a robot. i should revise my animating! *beep beep*

Friday went considerably better than Monday-Wednesday, considering i actually slept on Thursday night. oral could've been better, without my stuttering, and suay-ness of getting the most boring oral conversation topic. there were 4 topics we could prepare for the conversation, and some are easier than others. duh. easier in the sense that there's more to play around with, and since we're partially being judged on creativity, getting a boring conversation that we can't really be creative around is pretty, well, whack. :/

i wasn't bothered for long, though. because oral signified the END of my weeks of helllllll. :D Waacking with Brian that night was really really fun! i despise myself for being late after my bus was stuck in the rain for goodness knows how many turtle-years long. but i didn't miss as much as i did last week. thank God.

this week we learnt combinations of basic waacking techniques, basically how to string them together to form sets. a little like bboy sets. except these are waacking sets. yeah you get my point.

i had a lot of fun :) and i'm super duper thankful for that tiring Blast! PT warmup we do with our arms. MAN, it felt shiok to be able to last through out the practice drills. yes i was tired, but i wasn't the i'm-so-totally-gonna-collapse-and-die-kind-of-tired. which was nice. :D

urgh but after waacking i did the stupidest thing ever, which was slipping on the wet stairs and falling smack on my gluteus maximus. =___= i want to thank rose, magnus, zong and chew for immediately expressing concern and not laughing at me, though i think i might've looked quite laughable and despise-able. it was really nice of them :) and zong too, for helping me carry my stuff!

HOW DO TOM AND JERRY MAKE IT LOOK SO PAINLESS. seriously. it hurts to even sit now. x( but at least it feels and looks much better after i iced it like crazy last night. super thankful that i went home and got ALOT of sleep and rest.

after my rather Glam and Graceful Fall, (i seem to have this knack of falling on my buttocks) i decided to accompany Rose walking around F21 for awhile, and she's a super efficient shopper! wow, we were talking normally and she was just picking stuff off the racks whilst talking normally. talk about multi-tasking! she ended up buying 3 things for just under $50 there. wow. respect to Rose! learnt a lot about what's cheap @ F21 from her xD

so that was my week in a single blog post. a single pretty long blog post. the week passed by amazingly quickly, but it wasn't an easy week to cope with at all. i'm really glad it's over :)

you know, i am kinda looking forward to PA tomorrow :) was a little bummed out when i realised that i'm not performing for Labour Day AT ALL because of my suay-ness and inability to come for 2 crucial PA sessions. but i'm going to stay optimistic and positive, because i'm really very honoured to be in PA! will continue going for it!!!

i'm suddenly in a very design-y and arty mood, and i feel like designing Blast! & Flicks shirts now because these are really cool names to work with. EPC shirts are something i have been working on for awhile, but i can't think of any creative ideas for them. shall try for ALL.

drawdrawdraw~

2010-04-14T15:21:00.003+08:00

i never told you what i should have said.
no, i never told you, i just held it in.

--I Never Told You, Colbie Caillat

but that changes starting today. :)

DU in TWO.

2010-04-03T11:08:00.002+08:00

thank you in advance to everyone who's going to be going for Dance Uncensored 2010!

i didn't expect so many of my close friends to be going for DU! i think i know more people going for DU than those who went for EMCC! (then again, many of my close friends were involved in EMCC itself LOL) although i am a little sad that the NS boys can't make it again because of NS (obviously), i fully understand their difficulties.

i can't promise you're going to like every single item, heck, i don't even like my own part of my own item (Rasul's part is really good, though :) ). but i can promise that it's going to be fun and worth watching it and talking about it later ;) 23 items! come on which dance concert has 23 frickin' items! D: CRAZY. so super worth it la. (and it's free wth xD)

just in case anyone is wondering,
i'm in the FIRST and the LAST item. i.e. the Eusoff Hip Hop item and the Combined Halls item.

so if you come late, you'll catch my last item. if you have to leave early, you'll catch my first item. win-win situation for all!
(unless, of course, you come late AND leave early =___=)

so once again, thanks everyone for taking your time off your busy schedules to come down to watch DU! really really thank you. really means a lot a lot a lot to me that you all are coming :) ♥

to the Blast! people + the Flicks (weizong and miao this includes you): i know that you all are coming for the other Blast! people who are also in Hall Dance but I DON'T REALLY CARE i'm just super happy that you are all coming... thank you thank you...

to the Hall people: thank you for coming despite having seen both our items at DeePee already :P really appreciate the support and love. hope you all enjoy the show!

to other non-Hall friends and non-Blast! friends: omg thank you for coming because it's really out of your calendars since you're not obliged to come (especially since you probably don't know many Blast!/Hall dancers). really appreciate it lots.. thank you thank you :)

a few more days and it's OVER.

and then i will have to work on my submissions and deadlines. :/ beh.

...would they?

2010-03-22T23:33:00.001+08:00

...nah, they wouldn't.

are we human or are we dancers.

2010-03-16T20:18:00.003+08:00

you're human too, you know.
it's nothing to be proud of, i know...
but sometimes i think it helps to know our limits, and how much we can take.
because none of us like seeing you stressed out and being stretched thin.

i know you're strong. you're independent. you can take this.
i know you will make time for it.
i know you want it. badly.
but i wish you'd take better care of yourself too.

it's worrying to see everyone so stressed up and overworked.
especially when i care so much for them.

i wish i could do more to help.

i wish.

2010-03-16T03:21:00.006+08:00

just read an article about a woman whose current goal in life is to be The Fattest Woman On Earth. :/

talk about "purposes in life", huh.

i have also just watched a video talking about the Hip Hop scene in Singapore, about how we're very choreography and lines based, and that we need to touch back on the freestyling aspect of Hip Hop before we can truly call ourselves Hip Hop dancers. it was inspiring and motivational--i wanna go back to practising my freestyling again :) heehee. was considering asking the Blast!ards and the Flicks whether we could include freestyle cyphers during our future sessions together. sounds fun! though i'm pretty sure imma gonna get pwned.

had interesting conversation with raichu about boys. haha. it was interesting because it's been ages since i've talked about relationships and boys. i guess i've subconsciously been trying to push the topic to the back of my mind? which is weird, because it's always interesting to hear/talk about it. xP hmm. weird.

how do i put this...?
...sometimes i wish i could be more open with my feelings?
like how i put it to raichu, sometimes i wish i had the balls to say how i feel.

but nah. i'm humji that way.

i told raichu that nowadays, when feelings start to develop, i tend to try to turn them off. like turning off a faucet. so that i won't feel anything anymore. i guess it's a defence mechanism of some sort, to protect myself from getting hurt. because i have the mentality that no one will ever like me back, so i shouldn't harbour any false hope.

i guess i've been deluded too many times before, that now i'm sorta SICK of it. :P

i feel i've been stuck in a cycle that never ends.

because i'm too afraid of having one-sided feelings like i've always been having, i choose to deny them. and because i deny them, nothing actually happens. and i get even more afraid because the fear of rejection grows even stronger. and when it happens again, i'll vehemently deny it again.

all i could think of was a broken heart.
i'm afraid of habouring false hopes. so i prefer to just ignore the feelings instead of plunging myself into something where i could potentially get hurt.

but maybe, it'd be nice if i could let myself embrace and accept my feelings once in awhile... instead of denying them and shoving them aside.

because that's what love's supposed to be like, isn't it? unconditional, self-sacrificing, innocent, and sweet.

i shouldn't be worrying about whether i'm going to get hurt or disappointed, right?

...just maybe. i should learn to love like this once again. :)

why can't i just tell you that i care?

do you remember...

2010-03-11T04:59:00.002+08:00

...all the good times we had?

sometimes i feel i'm wishing and hoping for something that was never meant to be.

and because i want the best for you, i have to let you go.
if you stay cooped up down here, you'll never be able to truly spread your wings
and fly...

...so although goodbye is hard,
and goodbye will hurt,
i'll stand and smile
as you sail away

it's hard to breathe
and i start to choke
i pretend i don't care
but inside i hope
that you'll somehow see
how it's killing me

to see

you

go.

-------------

so touched when jasper and mereith told me they nominated me... >,<

i feel so unworthy of their respect and their recognition.

and really very very touched.

it means a lot, coming from them.

it makes me feel...appreciated.
and loved.

that's something i haven't been feeling these past few days.

but today, they made my day. :)

to be frank...

2010-03-10T03:08:00.004+08:00

watching vids of the Flicks' performance really makes me beam with pride :):):):)

i'm so so proud of them, and it's such an honour to be on that same stage, in the same crew as them...

i hate it when my inferiority complex and reality kick in.

i'm really a weak link in my crew, completely outshone, and sometimes even doing stuff to ruin Moments in our item. urghh. i'm becoming such a liability to them that it pisses me off.
i piss me off. seriously.

why can't i be stronger for my crew? why do i always have to pull them down? even when i'm supposed to fade into the background, i stick out like a sore thumb.

arggarghhh.

also, when the Flicks said that i should be really thankful to have a friend like Betts, it really struck me, like, i wondered:
Why would they say that?
and then i realised, they probably think someone like me doesn't deserve a friend as awesome and as good as her. which on hindsight is true--i don't.

and it crushed me to think so.

"i SHOULD be thankful to have a friend like her."

self-righteousness kicked in first--i thought of all the things i've done for her, all the things we went through together, and i was like,
"We deserve each other. We've both done things to make up for each others' shortcomings, and we both have sacrificed and given things for each other. We deserve each other. We should be thankful FOR EACH OTHER."

but...

"You should be thankful that you've a friend like her.
...YOU. Should be thankful. For HER."

and it hit me. i should be thankful for her. not the other way around.

what have i done for her that's really commendable and praiseworthy? what have i done for her to make me think that i deserve her as friend? what have i done for her to make me even consider the possibility that i deserve her a friend?

and the answer is...

...nothing.

...and i found i could no longer defend myself.

so i tore down my walls of self-righteousness,
and indignation,

and wept.

thanksgiving.

2010-03-08T00:02:00.003+08:00

words cannot describe the gratitude and joy in my heart. :)

thank you, supporters of the Flicks, for always having faith in us and never failing to encourage us and give us strength to carry on :) we're eternally grateful to you all, for all the love, flowers, votes, and endless support and morale-boosting. we never could've done it without you.
we were so shocked to see so so many of you there. and omg when we first walked out of the auditorium to the main lobby, the applause you guys gave us was simply heart-warming and darn amazing. that moment, we felt on top of the world, not just because of what we achieved, but mainly because we saw how supportive and proud you all were of us. thank you, for never losing faith in us.

thank you, my dear Flicks, for putting up with all my shortcomings, my lousy choreo and formations and teaching, my poor stamina and slow learning speed, my blurness, and anything that i did to pull the team down. you've all been such blessings in my life, i really can't thank you enough for all the times of practices, meals together (which happen at EVERY SINGLE prac, foodies, totally), HTHT sessions late into the night/morning of the next day... it's been an amazing 3 months with you guys. a long, but worthwhile journey, indeed. :) i love how comfortable i am around all of you, and how honest and open we are with each other. i'm sorry for anything i said/did to hurt anyone, and i just want you all to know that i really love each and every one of you very much. i wish i could say more and add lovely verbose phrases and frills to make this sound nicer, but unfortunately, i am not a Magnus and this is the best i can do for now, as a general thanksgiving. wait till your individual letters come la. hahaha...

and thank you, dear Lord, for making all this possible. for giving us the opportunity, for strengthening us and inspiring us all the way through, for giving us all we needed to make it this far, and achieve what we thought was only possible in our wildest fantasies. without you, none of this would've been possible. we wouldn't have met, we wouldn't have joined, we wouldn't have WON. thank you Lord, for understanding how much this means to us, and giving this to us, as one of your many generous gifts we really don't deserve. i know you have a specific purpose in mind for us achieving this, and though i don't know it yet, i eagerly anticipate the time when you reveal what it is to me. :)

snapping back to reality and having to go back to schoolwork and hall commitments is damn frickin sian, but necessary. at least i have ~~pracs~~ OUTINGS to look forward to. ;)

and they won't need to be outings to buy costumes/accessories! xD

EMCC afterthoughts.

2010-02-27T04:09:00.006+08:00

before i type, i must clarify this:
NicTay NEVER oversleeps. like, NEVER.

now that we've gotten that sorted out, today my day began at 5PM. why? because i overslept.

T___T

yes, i missed my Korean tutorial and half of my New Media theories lecture. i managed to run down for the last half an hour or so of the lecture. sighhhhh.

thankfully i had Flicks prac at night to cheer me up. because oversleeping always makes me feel very rotten.

----

EMCC has been such an experience for me. it's such an honour to be in Karen's item and Weina's item, two seniors who i like and respect very very much. i've learnt much under them, and have been very much inspired by the both of them, as dancers, choreographers and fellow human beings.

it's been such a joy trying to channel such different emotions and characters for both items.

all i can say is that anything i lost, i lost it the moment i chose to let it go.

----

HTHT again at macs was interesting and eye-opening, as usual. though it lasted for a much longer time than we aimed it to last. after all, who keeps to time limits when people are pouring out their deep thoughts and hidden feelings? :)

haha when you have friends that are more reliant on face-to-face forms of communication, be prepared for late night sharing and talking. it's times like these that i'm very thankful i stay in hall. although sometimes

----

moving on to hall life.

"I guess we just have to make some sacrifices."

understatement, much?
dude you have no idea what that sentence means to me. :/

----

ah. and you.

no. you don't understand what i'm talking about. get this. you DO NOT get it. unless you are sali, chew, magnus, or teo, you DON'T.

you do NOT get it.
you are NOT waking up.
and you KNOW you're being stupid.
...yet you still do it.

feel like boxing you to wake you up sometimes. but resorting to violence to solve a problem like this is simply, immature, stupid and uncivilised.

it's just one of those things you'll have to get over.

GOSH. wake up will you! don't make this worse! you've already made so so many mistakes.

what you think is love really isn't love at all.
get. that. straight.

-end bitch rant-

----

2010-02-19T02:17:00.003+08:00

I'm so happy for you, I could cry. :)

--Happy by Saving Jane

it's been oversaid...

2010-02-18T00:38:00.003+08:00

...but i'm really very effing stressed up.

i've let down, upset probably pissed off one of my favourite dancers who's one of my choreographers.

everything's been back-to-back, clashing, overlapping, and whatever. many a time, i find the only way to avoid all problems in blocking and attendance is for me to be in FOUR damn places all at once,

to go for one is to disappoint and inconvenience another. i try to prioritize, in order of performance date and thus urgency, but sometimes things just don't work that way. sometimes, things aren't so simple. and it s really taking its toll on my choreographers, the items i am in, and myself.

just feeling very stretched at the moment. sigh.

i have to remember.
that because You are with me, i know i am never alone.

gamer's humour.

2010-02-15T15:10:00.001+08:00

xD
Gamer's Humour.
HAHAHAHAHA

clash mess.

2010-02-13T15:31:00.003+08:00

i think my timetable clashes this week are rather awesome.

friday's the most EPIC:
2pm-5pm: yayi's DU prac
3pm-6pm: emcc prac
3pm-7pm: project meeting
4pm-6pm: weijie's dp item

:/

on Friday i shall attempt to split myself into 4 entities to make it for all 4 things at once.

on a side note, missed Flicks prac today. felt like i let them down, somehow...? still pretty bummed out about it, especially since i don't think my mum's reason for not wanting me to go was a very good one. seriously. the frickin' reunion dinner is at 6plus, i don't have to hang around ALL AFTERNOON for that. bah. negotiating with adults is senseless, frustrating, tiring, and unfruitful.

worse thing is, you can never win. no matter how rationally and logically right you are. :/

not really looking forward to all the visiting, especially when one of my favourite aunties is overseas, my closest cousin's studying in the US, and the fact that there's so much work to be done--both school and dance. i'm thankful for the brief break that we have now before the Chiong Weeks come, but i'm not too excited about the stuff that's going to be happening during this brief break.

i suddenly realised that i have, for the past half an hour, had my earphones plugged into my ears whilst no music is playing. weird.
*turns on CT's mix for EMCC*
(love the songs there!)

anyways and anyhows, i really hope my mum will let me back to hall on Tuesday afternoon. because apparently, Tuesday is still a public holiday. but the Flicks really really need the time to prac, and we really really need Tuesday. shall pray hard for it. because we are really really running out of time! :x

so very thankful for the Flicks, who are always so kind, supportive and understanding. times are getting increasingly tough, but knowing that they're right there beside me, going through every bit of this ordeal with me makes all the difficult and tough times all the more bearable, and even enjoyable. :)

said it before, will say it again. i couldn't have asked for a better crew. :)

shall finish up some design work and assignments before our reunion dinner tonight. then imma go back to coming up with choreo. :)

dregs and NitGrit.

2010-02-12T16:04:00.003+08:00

suddenly so many of my friends are following my Twitter and my blog. wow. better watch what i say. HA. since when have i ever really bothered about that? x)

it's funny how something i love so so much is becoming so tiring and draining nowadays. i don't believe it's because it's too much of a good thing that it's bad, because there's so much about dance i still enjoy, so much i still love, so much i crave for, so much i'm addicted to. when i listened to one of our NEW SECRET FLICKS SONGS, after Magnus suggested it to the Flicks, i felt the song and i felt this strange urge to choreo for it! and i'm so excited for when i can get down to planning the choreo and planning how to fit it into our competition theme! :)

but sometimes, dragging myself to do certain things can be such a chore... no, it's not dancing itself that's a chore. dancing can never be a chore for me. but it's more the little itty bitty nitty gritty that comes with dancing, that clings on to our precious dance and is impossible to pry off that makes me fatigued and burnt out.

the itty bitty nitty gritty (let's call it NitGrit for short/affectionate purposes) can be so trivial, so small, it seems a little unreasonable that it's shaking my dedication and commitment to certain dances. things like poor attendance, poor attitude of dancers under me, last minute practices, extremely late nights/early mornings when i really really need the rest, taking advantage of my setting time aside despite my heavy schedule to overload me with work that i really don't have time for, not appreciating the amount of effort and time and dedication i put into my work for them...
all these things might not seem like big things, but they can be really frustrating and stressful when you've got a lot on your back. :/

7 items is no joke. seriously.
3 EMCC items, 2 DP items, 1 Impre item, 2 DU items.
NO JOKE.

the NitGrit is small, but when they accumulate they can maul the life outta you. :x

i'm not blaming the aforementioned NitGrit for my supposed burning out. i have only myself to blame for taking on more than i can handle. but it's scary to think i even considered that i might be losing my fire for dance.

i know now that that's not possible. :)

there has to be a way to push aside all this NitGrit. to clear all the unnecessary dregs so that my pure passion for dance can flow unhindered again. so that my inspiration can come without me having to force choreo, formations, ideas and concepts out unnaturally.

there has to be a way. we're gonna find it! :)

the next few weeks are gonna be shit but at least i'm not in it alone :)

horrible day.

2010-02-06T23:38:00.002+08:00

today was a terrible day.

first thing that happened was that i overslept this morning. it's really not in my nature to oversleep, but i suspect it has to due with the stomach ache i had last night as i was going to bed... i remember turning off one of the 2 alarms i set this morning, but i have NO IDEA what happened to the other one.

the next thing i knew, teo was calling me on the phone, at 9.55AM, asking me where i was.

vetting was supposed to start at 10AM.

i FREAKED, ran to get myself ready, jumped into my costume and reached CFA @ 10.20AM.

i forgot steps for BOTH my items, both during times when i was right in front. it was so so nerve wrecking. i just felt so so disappointed with myself. the fact that i let my choreographers down, my item people down, since i'm an item IC... an item IC is supposed to be there earlier than the rest, getting their item people all hyped up, taking attendance, helping people with costumes...
and what did i do? i overslept and got my fat ass there late.
what a lousy item IC i am...

then after vetting was over, i was prepared to rush over to Eusoff for our Dance Production piecing. each piecing has 2 runs, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. obviously i missed the morning one because of our vetting, so i felt i really had to go for the afternoon one, especially since i missed the first piecing ENTIRELY. (due to Impresario Semi-finals)

and then i realised i had EMCC rehearsal from 1-3pm. DP piecing 2nd run was from 1-4pm.

this time i really felt that i had let Rasul, my fellow choreographer, down. he's been covering for me all these weeks that i've been late for pracs due to EMCC, Impresario practice, and he's been tanking a lot of things like choreography, blocking, formations... i just feel that i'm not being fair to him at all.
i finished EMCC prac @ 3.10pm and got to Eusoff by 3.20pm.

...just in time to see the last item.

i missed BOTH my item runs. one which i choreographed, and one which i'm dancing for.
i've never seen my dancers do a full run during piecing before AT ALL.
i've never done a full run during piecing at all either.
i effectively missed BOTH my first piecings entirely.

then our Dance Directors said that the last time for costume alterations by wardrobe is tomorrow (Sunday) night. 10pm-12am. during which i will not be in hall, since i'm out of hall on Sundays and only return on Monday. in other words, i'm just going to have to take my costumes as they are.
there has only been 1 costumes fitting. during which my costumes did NOT fit me at all. i can't dance without ripping the shirt/pants apart into shreds. that's when they sent it back for 1st altering.

i couldn't make it for any of the previous alterations due to EMCC pracs + competition discussion stuff + DU pracs and now i'm probably going to have a costume that doesn't fit for the last piecing. and it's all my fault...

i just hope i don't rip anything during the last piecing. seriously.

then i had to rush back to Serangoon from Eusoff for my dad's 50th birthday dinner, meaning that i was missing Karen's prac, despite being her IC. if it wasn't such a big thing, if my dad wasn't turning half a century old today, i would've gone for Karen's... but yeah. i missed Karen's, and i think people probably think even less of me now, especially after all of today's screw ups.

and i was 10 minutes late to meet my family, because i had to rush from piecing and de-brief. arghhhhh family ALMOST kicked up a fuss but thankfully assumed i was late because i dilly dallied and not because i was doing hall stuff/dancing (which would have REALLY pissed my mum off).

i guess the only nice thing that happened today was all the encouragements i got from my dear friends, to stay strong, to keep moving forward, to keep looking up... and of course how happy my dad was to see that i could make it for his birthday.

...i think that maybe, just maybe, these things alone make all the shit today sorta worth it. :)

dream post.

2010-02-05T15:03:00.003+08:00

just woke up from a really scary dream, where everyone i loved HATED me.

i was supposed to be teaching a dance in the dream.

...i hope this isn't de javu or something. it'd be really depressing/frightening/worrying if it was... x(

this makes me wonder whether i should keep a dream log. to record what i've been dreaming in my sleep (or at least what i can remember)

but damn, it feel so REAL... x(

thanks and no thanks.

2010-01-31T00:33:00.004+08:00

so proud of FlickerHolic, so thankful to God for this opportunity, so grateful to everyone who came to support... words cannot express my joy and gratitude and how blessed i feel to have made it in.

much thanks to teo's mum, who allowed us to put up at her house, and did most of our makeup for us! ahhh thank youuuu... it's so nice to have a good friend's parent treat you so nicely...

xin's parents came to support her as well! so sweet lah...

as for mine... hmm.

dad was happy and proud. :) but i can't say the same for mum.

when i came home, i received an unexpected scolding.
no "i'm proud of you,"
no "congrats!",
no "what a pleasant surprise!"
no "you've done well,"
not even a "Thank God."

she rounded in on me and scolded me, and was very unhappy to hear that we had made it into the finals. VERY unhappy. and she exasperatedly and angrily said that i should stop bothering myself in things like these. she said that since she LET me decide what i want to study, the least i can do is to excel in it.

wtf is that supposed to mean. don't i at least have the right to decide what i want to pursue and study in uni? don't i at least have the right to decide what i want to DO in uni, even if it's something she doesn't like me doing? i can't understand this. i can't understand why a 19 year old still cannot make her own decisions about what path she wishes to take for the future. i can't understand it at all. why does she think it's NORMAL for her to decide on these aspects of my life? why is it considered extremely gracious of her to LET me study what i WANT to study? shouldn't that rightfully be the case?

maybe it's because i compare my situation with friends my age, whose parents are a lot more liberal, and supportive. at least they don't stand in their children's way and do everything they can to make sure their children know that they are unsupportive of their passions and what they love.

can't she tell how much i love dancing?
can't she see that God has a purpose for guiding me in this competition?
can't she let me do what i love without emotionally blackmailing me and trying to guilt me into quitting dance?
sorry mum, i'm not quitting. even if you told me directly. which you won't.

i guess it's like a contract agreement. if i want to continue with dance, i need to push up my grades. 4.0 is far from enough, i need to do better, in order to be allowed to do what i love.

it's so hard to stay strong.
it's so hard to have a mum who is completely unsupportive of what you enjoy doing, and what you want to do.
it's so hard, Lord.

i do not want to face her tomorrow morning. nor am i looking forward to sitting in her car on the way back to school on monday morning. i do not wish to see her, or talk to her. i do not want to argue with her, i do not wish to hear her nagging and scolding again.

the only thing i'm afraid of now is if she refuses to let me stay in hall next sem. now that would be problematic.

it's times like these i wish i had done something like going overseas to study, because i can do whatever i want without her restricting me, burdening me, pulling me down. i wish i could live a life where i didn't always need to answer to her, or to adhere to her lofty plans and ambitions for me.

i understand she's concerned about my life. but i think it's time for her to let me take control of it as well. it's time for her to let me grow up. it's time for her to stop imposing her plans for me onto me when i clearly have other plans. grrr.

sorry i can't...

2010-01-23T00:57:00.007+08:00

I HAVE DANCE.

story of my life. xD

today's not been a very good day for me. so i wrote something to help chase away the blues for tomorrow's (effectively today's) jammed-packed-with-dance day.

(inspired by Pyramids by Trouble Over Tokyo -- SUPER NICE SONG.)

To Let Go.
I don’t really know if this will do
Whispering goodbye upon a trembling lip
Sometimes I really wish it could be you
But while I’m still standing here, let me say this

All my thoughts on you are wasted on a dream that won’t fade
A dream that’s real but not real enough to feel like it really lives
You’ve gone away and now you’re just a single speck in the dis-tance
And now I’m here, starting to let go

It hurts but I’ve no choice—oh oh
I’m just going to act like it’s okay every day
Because though I’ve tried so hard I find I just can’t
Get you out of my head

I’ve thrown all I can at you
But nothing works like I thought it would
You’ve always been far—out of my reach
I guess it has to be this way

All I’ve thought was just something that doesn’t really make sense
Just an illusion of my disbelief and maybe regret
You’ve gone away and now I’m crying by the tree we first met
And now I’m here, ready to let go

It’s not enough I can’t understand
This swan song playing on my heartstrings
Whilst I’ve still got my sanity
I’ll dance it all away

All my reasoning has washed out like a can of old paint
I’ll face the truth you’re nothing more than fleeting winds in my hair
You’ve gone away I thought you cared about me more than you did
And now I’m here, it’s hard to let go

All my thoughts on you are wasted on a dream that won’t fade
A dream that’s real but not real enough to feel like it really lives
You’ve gone away you don’t care about me, wait, no you never did
And now I’m here, I’ve let go

I’ve let go, and now the tears will flow

life of a dance-addict.

2010-01-17T02:14:00.005+08:00

i really feel like i'm living dance now.

and i'm not sure if it's a good thing...? i'm so happy and thankful, but is this the way my life's supposed to flow? hahaa. part-time student, full-time dancer...? xD

that aside, i'm really so thankful and i really feel so blessed to be in FlickerHolic together with all these dope dancers... it's such an honour to be working with them. and they're people i can really relate to and talk so comfortably with... it's like, i'm really starting to find my family here... :)

oh. this is random, or maybe it's not so random. but sometimes i wish i could get my mum off my back. :/

she doesn't like my new hair colour. haha. SURPRISE SURPRISE. she freaked even more when i said that my initial plan was for it to be light green. she then proceeded to scold me and warn me not to blindly follow fashion trends because other people think it's cool.

...can't she just consider the possibility that i MYSELF find it cool? do my opinions always have to be influenced by others? why does she think that i don't have an opinion of my own? why does she think i don't have any individuality and only follow trends?

just shows how well she knows me. *scoffs*

she also finds it ridiculous that i have pracs on Saturday night. thank God she doesn't know about all my other 1001 pracs. sometimes i feel bad for keeping so many things from her, but my rational side always convinces me that this is the best way for her. because her health and well-being is the most important, and i don't want to end up bursting a blood vessel of hers.

i think my mum wishes for a normal, (boring) girly feminine daughter. who doesn't have the confidence or determination to pursue dance and art. oops. sorry to disappoint you, mum.

i wonder when the time will come when i can achieve full independence. as in, do whatever i want, without having to worry about her scolding me, or stopping me.

--i had to leave a prac early tonight in order to appease her. this might cost me more than i am prepared to lose, but i pray that it won't be as serious or as bad as i fear it might be.

i will blog again on this matter if the cost of my action of leaving early to appease my mum is indeed what i feared it was, and what i fear i am still unprepared for. i will never forgive myself for it, if it happens...

i love dance, i love my crew, i love my friends who have been supporting and encouraging me all the way.

i love art, i love expression, i love creativity, i love being busy, i love rehearsing, learning choreography and practising with my crew.

but most of all, i love the one and only Lord God for making all these things possible for me. :)

there are many promises i have made to You, but have yet to fulfill them... please give me the strength and courage to do so...

remembering 2009

2010-01-02T00:14:00.006+08:00

it's already 2010... when's the last time i blogged?

i thought of dedicating this blog post to new year resolutions. but i realised i haven't really made any yet LOL. *cue sheepish laughter*

so i got the idea from some Tweeps, and decided to make a list of memorable times in 2009.

i'm very sure i'm going to miss something out, but this beats having to recall what happened last year another 10 years down the road.

in chronological order,

memorable time #1: being in the musical.

OHO, i so remember getting into a whole shitload of trouble with my family thanks to this.

i also remember meeting a lot of people, many of whom are now my close friends. :)

memorable time #2: being in Freek Tees, and also watching us disband, for the better.

it was an experience, albeit a slightly disappointing one, but memorable one nonetheless. i thank Suu and Tieren for teaching me so much during this time...

memorable time #3: a few open classes at Studio Wu.

and being more exposed to what the outside world of dance is like. also learning popping, locking and house basics and growing to love Old School Hip Hop, which i was rarely exposed to in JC.

memorable time #4: getting back the As.

and getting grilled by my mum for not getting the 3-5 As she wanted, coping with the disappointment, and moving on to realise that my grades actually work better for me than 5 straight As would.

memorable time #5: my first job ever

...guiding Japanese students around Chinatown and Little India!

which i had never really visited before. :/ hahaha i feel as if i cheated the poor children :x

memorable time #6: auditioning for Universal Studios Auditions and meeting famous people

and of course, not getting it. hahaha.

memorable time #7: several outings with Aunty Elsie and spending time with her, and also watching A LOT of movies together.

those were fun times. i love going out with Aunty Elsie and talking to her about things like life, my future, my ambitions...

memorable time #8: composing, singing and music sessions with Lex @ my place.

it's been awhile since we've had that...

memorable time #9: working for awhile at D.O.P.E.

my first ever job teaching dance, and although i wouldn't like to go back there to work again, i learnt a lot on the job, about how teaching needs a lot of stamina, clear explanations, and ten tonnes of PATIENCE.

memorable time #10: Penang Trip with family!

lots of yummy yummy food omggg, had a great relaxing time with my family. i also went jet-skiing for the first time, and parasailing! i loved the speed of cruising on the sea on that jet-skii *adrenaline junkie*

memorable time #11: creating actual characters for EPC hahaha

though they're now more for humour and entertainment than a real, serious comic/CREW. :P

memorable time #12: Dance Night 2009.

performing the Alumni item, and watching how improved the juniors are under An An, and being inspired by their brilliant concepts, choreography, costumes, showmanship and IMPROVEMENT. i hope these juniors of mine never stop dancing and inspiring :)

memorable time #13: taking driving test theory LOL

and now my mum is rushing me to pass my practical quickly hahaha i need to get it over and done withhhh :/

memorable time #14: passing my Grade 8 piano exam

and also finishing my "term" with Connie... it's been an awesome 7 years with her, saying goodbye to her during our last lesson before the exam was really hard, but it had to be done... i haven't really thought about her over the past few weeks, but now that i think about her, i still feel kinda sad...

memorable time #15: i-sketch ADDICTION LOL

i want to play it NOW ACTUALLY, but i don't have my tablet with me now! D:

memorable time #16: ABDC season 3 addiction HAHAHA

QUEST + BEAT FREAKS + OTHER DOPE CREWS AND CHOREOS :D

memorable time #17: making it to NUS Arts!

not only making the cut, but also managing to convince my mum to let me enter the Arts stream in NUS

memorable time #18: getting my beautiful new laptop

the first computer i have which belongs solely to MEEEE

(my previous ones were all shared)

memorable time #19: moving in to Eusoff Hall

which has really been quite the experience! :D

so thankful i live in hall, seriously...

memorable time #20: Eusoff RAG Dance

1pm to 1am practices YOSH. i remember dragging myself to bathe before collapsing on my bed at 3am in the morning for the first few times in my life.

i also remember missing all of O week thanks to RAG HAHA

and i remember feeling so emotional when Eusoff clinched so many awards this year :)

memorable time #21: my first clubbing experience

which i disliked IMMENSELY.

memorable time #22: numerous gatherings of old friends...

...we need to have more, this year.

memorable time #23: passing the auditions to Blast!

these scared me so so much, but i really really thank God for giving me the opportunity and letting me make it in. since then, i've grown close to my Blast! mates, since we go for classes together. i never miss a class, as long as i can help it! having this scholarship is truly a privilege that i want to make the best use of and not let it go to waste!

memorable time #24: Talentime Performance!

my first hall performance in NUS, and it was on a frickin' grass patch wth

memorable time #25: cutting and dyeing my hair HEHE

and i'm planning to do something EVEN MORE DRASTIC to it this 2010 ;)

memorable time #26: CultureShock performance!

we really worked our asses off with this one, intensive 8pm-2am pracs omgg

memorable time #27: awesome Theatre mates, and a wonderfully epic Theatre Studies experience!

i'll never forget the DAILY rehearsals, the night when i TOTALLY DIDN'T SLEEP in order to finish a portfolio (my first taste at putting together a portfolio)

memorable time #28: mugging LIKE I'VE NEVER MUGGED BEFORE for final exams.

seriously i don't think i was this determined or focused, even for the As.

maybe that explains my grades. :/

memorable time #29: Taiwan Holiday

where i bought A LOT OF STUFF despite having very little time and chances to shop!!! :D

memorable time #30: Blast! camp

which was such a blast, literally.

enjoyed myself so much, and learnt so much from the classes and seniors and choreo sessions...

memorable time #31: FlickerHolic Crew FORMED

and now we're geared up for the competition on Sunday! :D

i'm so thankful to the Lord for this tight group of DOPE dancers and GREAT FRIENDS that i've really grown to appreciate, respect, and most of all LOVE over the weeks... it's such an honour to be in the same crew as them for Impressario, they're such great dancers, and such a bunch of CRAZYYY people. the kind of people i feel so comfortable with in NUS. they SPEAK DANCE TOO HEHEHE :D

so many things to give thanks for, so many things i'm indebted to the Lord for... i'm glad i took the time to type them all out, so that i can refer back to this entry in future, if i ever need to see the countless things i'm thankful to Him for.

i pray i'll grow closer to Him this year, and be able and willing to serve Him more this year. :)

oh well. time to sleep. i've got competition rehearsal with the Flickers at 8.30am OMG. D:

toodles! happy new year everyone! :D

life after torture.

2009-12-03T03:06:00.003+08:00

exams are over, and the days are a lot more fun and meaningful.

what have i been up to? besides enduring all the "OMG YOU END EXAMS ALREADY?! YOU GUNDU WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING IN HALL", i guess i've been using the comp like electricity here is free. haha, and also using the dance studio like it's free too.

yes this is evidently a dig at the what i believe to be OUTRAGEOUS prices for December hall stay, considering that:

1) it's only for a month

2) no food is provided

3) i'm staying mostly to do stuff for the hall itself.

what the fishsticks is up with charging us close to 400 bucks anyway? :C

forgive me, i'm still trying to recover from the fact that so much money has been sucked out of my bank account. i'm going to have to save and scrimp like a shrimp to get back that amount again. x(

had our D-Arts rehearsal at Eusoff today. i managed to teach quite a lot, and i'm thankful for that, but after trying to work out future pracs, i began to get discouraged and stressed up again. i felt this way because all our holiday schedules clash like crazy, when i get back from Taiwan, Lydia's leaving, that kinda thing. it's so shitty, that the only time we're probably able to get everyone down (which is a grand total of FIVE people, btw) is probably 4 days before the event itself. very last minute, you see.

on a side note, the Xmas Performance @ Orchard Central is cancelled. although this frees up my schedule a little, i'm still pretty sad about it. performing at Orchard is something i've been wanting to do a long time. Tapestry was something like that, but this one's at Orchard Central, in the spirit of Christmas! finding out that we weren't going to dance for that anymore made me sad, albeit freer. sigh. when it comes to dance, i can be such a workaholic--the more work the better.

also, i think i use the word "shit" too much. it's starting to lose its vulgar-ness. i say it as casually as people say, "that's nice." i.e. "DOPE SHIT!"

i realised i really like how uni exams are like--once you're done with a module, that's IT. you don't have to carry forward the information from before (with the exception of Korean, because it's a language. very different, indeed.) to the next term and mug a whole huge shit load of stuff the next term, because you'll only be tested on the modules for that term. this also means one crucial thing:

NO HOLIDAY HOMEWORK OR PROJECTS.

which is AWESOME NEWS because now that exams are over, people are REALLY free. no more running back to rooms to mug for next sem or rubbish like that :) it's nice to see i'm not the only goon nua-ing at the dining hall after breakfast/dinner now. people are starting to take the time to relax and enjoy spending time hanging out with their friends, now that they don't have the constant worry of homework/exams looming over them. it's a nice feeling.

remember i was saying that i was upset about how i'm going on holiday and it's messing up all my commitments schedules? i'm starting to feel thankful that i'm escaping from all these commitments for awhile. although i'll miss dancing a lot for that one week, i'm glad i don't have to put up with shit from horribly clashing schedules, not being able to even get 5 people to meet on a single day (wts srsly), trying to fit in ACTING rehearsals amidst all my DANCE pracs, people asking me for deadlines and stuff and then being late and delayed and slow and INEFFICIENT sigh. it'll be nice to get away from this for awhile. though i am ashamed to admit that i will miss this hecticness and mad-rush-ness of my life during that one week.

i am looking forward to food and shopping. i'd like to stock up on 1) hiphop clothes and accessories and 2) nice pretty/cool clothes and accessories. i'd also like to get nice presents for my buddies for Christmas.

i'm considering investing in a scanner-printer for my room. i need a scanner, but i could always go back home and use the one at home during the weekends. the only drawback is that, i have to wait for the weekends. is it worth it, then? should i save the money for a new tablet instead? (alternatively i could save the money for next year's vacation stay. -_-)

i've been spending too much time on the comp and too little time with friends before i go off. the allure of this blinking colourful screen is just too much to resist.

and now i shall try to persuade myself to sleep.

forcing just doesn't work anymore.

am such a shoe whore.

2009-11-22T01:31:00.007+08:00

Philo and TS are OVER FOREVER and i don't really feel like talking about them now, so here are SOME MORE SHOE PICS.

-----

-jaded- ...

FEAST YOUR EYES.

2009-11-12T14:13:00.007+08:00

I am a self-confessed shoe-obsessed little girl.

AWESOME WEEK. (yeah, right)

2009-11-10T08:46:00.003+08:00

today was a happy day. :) i am happy today!

finally done with Korean Final Oral and Written papers. :D :D :D

in fact, it's SO OVER that i'm probably getting back my written paper tomorrow. :/ which is. strange. i'm getting back a final paper even before i take the rest of my papers like WHAT THE.

today was funny. i spent the morning lugging around 2 hoodies, 2 bowls, a stick with a horse head stuck onto it, my laptop, and my korean notes to dining hall for breakfast, before lugging them to the exam venue.

this is what friends are for: when seeing you struggle with so many things, they point at your horse head (which i have given the affectionate name of Fred) and laugh. after which they then point at you and say something along the lines of OMG YOU CAN ACTUALLY DRESS FEMALE.

breakfast today was a really entertaining affair. :) having gotten only 3 hours of sleep last night, i went all Zombie-ish to breakfast. SaraBarbera, Chee Eng, and later WeiNian joined me for breakfast. where they were EXTREMELY HELPFUL in boosting my morale for the Korean Oral Exam later. REALLY VERY HELPFUL. i felt totally motivated to know that when i speak Korean i sound like i'm speaking TAMIL. i went for the exam feeling like a whole fluff-load of cotton candy indeed.

but honestly, i'm really grateful to them for uplifting my spirits. :) even though i wanted to sit on all of them and SMOTHER THEM for awhile. i had a great laugh in the morning.

and of course, who can forget the incident in the afternoon with merv.

i simply walked past him and tapped him on the shoulder. he almost couldn't recognise me.

-___-

i don't look THAT different, alright, guys.

a few seconds later, he caught up with me and totally made the quote of the day, i tell you.

"Nic, are you feeling okay? Are you sure you're feelings okay today? You really ok? Sure anot? Sure you're okay ah..."

"DAMMIT DUDE I'M FINE WHY"

"Cuz if you're feeling ok, THEN WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING IN A SKIRT"

dumbdumb. :/

---

after Korean, i had TS rehearsal (as with every other day), followed by Japanese Studies Project Meeting, followed by D-Arts rehearsal. today was just full of meetings and stuff going on back to back. i'm quite happy to be back in my room and slacking.

also, i'm already halfway through this "Awesome Week" and i am so glad it's almost over.

MONDAY

Korean Final Written Paper

New Media In-class Assignment

Japanese Studies group-set deadline

D & D Comm Pageant Meeting

TUESDAY

Theatre Studies Consult

Theatre Studies Full Tech Run

WEDNESDAY

Korean Final Oral Exam

D-Arts Acting Rehearsal

Japanese Studies Group Meeting

THURSDAY

TS Video Watching

Japanese Studies Project REAL Deadline

Return of Korean Exam Papers (?)

FRIDAY

Japanese Studies Forum Closure

+ Theatre Studies rehearsals every day :O

only 2 days left to hang in there. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

아자! 아자! 화이팅!!!

i am determined to stay this happy for awhile, because it feels that good. :)

---

sometimes... i just wish you were here with me.

it's as true as the sky is blue.

마음이 조금 아파요...

addicted to sleep.

2009-10-31T20:33:00.004+08:00

don't wake up, won't wake up, can't wake up,

no, don't wake me up...

CultureShock is finally over :) and so are Blast! Pat sessions and Sharing sessions for this semester. though it's a huge relief and leaves me more time to catch up on rest, i think i'm already starting to miss it.

i definitely don't miss the sleepless nights or the zombie-state with which i trudged to school every other day during these past few weeks, but it's the little trivial happy things that happened that i'll miss.

seeing fellow (usually Eusoffian) zombies and lamenting about our common plights,

joking around randomly in the dance studio/band room,

randomly hanging out and just talking about nothing in particular,

meeting each other at 2am in the morning with a "EH STILL AWAKE?? WAN GO SUPPER".

yeah, it's the little things that we will miss. as always.

this week has passed by in a flash, and next week's already week 12. which means our exams are coming REALLY REALLY SOON. so before i slowly start to kick into mugger mode, i'll recount what has happened over the past week.

CultureShock 2009--was a blast.

the late nights and rehearsals leading up to it were really trying, my body perpetually felt like giving way, my old knee injury(s) and ankle pain started coming back as well (although teo insisted that it's the cold weather and not the intense training that caused it hahaha)

even the day before the performance was hectic. DP photoshoots + tech runs + full dress rehearsals all night. my SLEEP-A-LOT-BEFORE-PERF policy was totally overlooked and neglected. but to be fair, i admittedly slept a lot more than i do usually during my Period of Insomnia.

on Thursday, you could totally tell which groups of people were involved in CultureShock--i.e. those that were leaning against each other and nua-ing whenever we got the chance to.

the performance itself was awesome. only 2 bad things: being performers, we couldn't watch the items before us. and the turnout was pretty bad. but a lot of my friends came, including Sali who isn't even from Eusoff!! :D so that in itself made me pretty happy :) i also took a lot of nice photos :))

Halloween Bash was my 2nd Mandatory Clubbing Experience.

my stand remains: i still hate clubbing. :/

i was so bored when i first got there, and the mattresses were so comfy... so i slept for awhile. heheh.

as the hours passed, i simply just kept waiting till the time when i could leave and get back to hall. :/

many friends came up to me and said they really enjoyed our performance last night, which really made me happy! but they also demanded that i danced for them. which made me really REALLY uncomfortable. i was pulled up by dunno-how-many guys (being guys they are pretty frickin strong) and i just stood there and refused to move.

i quote weijie, "We are shy creatures."

i rejected lindon and azad like dunno how many times, until finally Azad challenged me to a battle. which i firstly felt very bad to turn down yet again, secondly was really pressurized by like dozens of people who were demanding that i dance, and thirdly half curious to see what would happen if we actually danced in a club.

and voila, a mini cypher circle opened on its own. :O

unfortunately, it didn't last for very long. but it was interesting while it lasted. :)

i don't like it when i dance in a club and everyone just watches me.

but if everyone shows each other moves, then it becomes like a cypher, and that's something i like because i like sharing. :)

also, i could only do uprock, locking and waving, since my shoes didn't permit me to do any grooving or c-walking or house. :C

i went back, and did laundry LOL. it was raining so super heavily and merv returned superduperultra drenched whilst Tee returned nice and warm and dry in a comfy cab. he couldn't even walk properly back to his room lah the poor dude. Tee and i both had similar sentiments about the bash, haha, glad that someone thought the same way about it and wasn't too busy getting wasted. :P

i had 2 hours of sleep before Blast! sharing session this morning. not a good idea. especially when Jie Xiao taught us an agro gangsta routine which teo and i REALLY REALLY LIKED 8D HEHEHZ.

after that, Teo, Jasonsiu and i hung out for awhile before heading back. and we cam-whored a bit too, since that's probably the last time we'll see each other in quite awhile, what with all CCAs being suspended for the exams... :C sigh...

there're 2 quotes which i need to jot down here before i forget.

Teo said something really cute and random at lunch. xD she said that when/if i get married, i MUST invite her to my wedding. (hahaha don't worry darling, if that miracle ever happens, i'll definitely invite you, my dear friend :):) )

her reason is: she wants to see what kind of "lucky" (note: the inverted commas) guy will ever be willing to be...well yeah. xD

i think she was sincere when she said lucky. which was very sweet of her (hearts). but i still see it with inverted commas. wahahaha.

e-wen also said something at supper club which really motivated me:

"Nic, watching you dance really makes me want to learn Hip Hop."

and i immediately remembered why i loved dancing so much--i dance to express and inspire. to inspire people afraid to dance in front of others to want to learn to dance. although i'm not nearly at the level i want to be at yet, and i'm not as good as e-wen made me sound to be (e-wen you too sweet and nice and generous with your compliments lah), i'm still learning and in the process of becoming that kind of a dancer.

thanks for all the generous compliments and encouragements, guys. i'm not nearly deserving of any of them. seriously. but really, thank you. it's encouragements like these that help keep me strong, that keep reminding me of my countless blessings, of how many things i have to thankful for.

------------------

Truth be told, my problem's old.

For fear of what you might do

I say nothing, but stare at you

If it's so, how would I know?

You'll never know me at all...

I'm standing across from you

I've dreamt alone...

...and now the dreams won't do.

well...

2009-10-25T01:29:00.004+08:00

how do you suppose you're going to get anywhere if you don't work hard enough? =/

a spoonful, no, a truckload of sugar.

2009-10-20T03:42:00.003+08:00

i decided to update my blog, since i'm currently waiting for my hair to dry.

our latest New Media tutorial opened up several perspectives of online privacy (or the lack of it) that i never really thought about. basically our conclusion was that if we wanted something kept private, the only solution was not to even type it out, much less post it online. because what gets "deleted" is never really truly erased, but simply archived and retrievable by people used to retrieving "deleted" "trash".

i stopped and questioned myself, about whether the things i say on this blog are things i really want people to know. things i really want people to understand about me. things i want to make public and known to people.

it's a scary thought when you think about how every small slip in blog posts can and will be used against us by people determined to say something against us, even if that blog post or your entire blog is deleted. there is probably a way to retrieve all those dumb things you said in a moment's folly or rashness. there is, thus, a high risk of posting such honest content online, if you want to make sense of it.

but i thought more to myself, and i realised i really don't want any of this stuff deleted. not even fake "delete" deleted. i want my friends to know about this, i want myself to remember that i have thought these words, typed these words during certain moments of my life. i want to remind myself of things that have happened in my life and affected me. i want to grow as a person, penning down my thoughts, expressing myself through a blog like this.

i don't post EVERYTHING on this blog anyway. hahaha. :) my private (written) diary is still the #1 place i pour out my deepest feelings and thoughts too. i guess this blog can be a sort of censored version of that. :P

anyway, the weekend was fun. (i.e. i didn't get any work done.)

mervyn asked me to watch Raffles Hall DP with him, and i asked Sali along since i thought she'd like to go for it as well. :)

when merv and i saw each other dressed up for the first time, it was pretty funny xD

nic: oh my- i've never seen you wear anything like this before

merv: i also never see you wear anything like this before lor!

nic: yes, nic is actually capable of dressing like a girl

merv: ya, surprisingly. :)

=__=

ANYWAY. when we walked into the dining hall full of people in casual tshirts and shorts and slippers, a lot of people turned to stare at us. it was embarrassing because we really stood out like sore thumbs. :x

when merv and i went over to UCC to meet Sali, Sali insisted that she felt severely underdressed, even though i don't think she was at all. she was wearing her purple couple-tee and her lime-green pants, totally bright and outstanding and "traffic-stopping", as mervyn mentioned. Sali lamented quite hilariously that this had nothing to do with her looking like a hot babe. xD

the dance production was really entertaining :) i enjoyed it alot! saw derek, leong, wilkson, yuko, weiting, thomas (solo sia) dancing, they were awesome. we stuck around for awhile to say hi, before heading back to hall.

after awhile, since Sali and Mervyn were both feeling hungry, we went for supper. Merv made fun of me for changing too slowly. :( MEH. SALI DISTRACTED ME. the 3 of us had a nice long talk over supper. where (i don't really know how it happened) mervyn somehow made a deal to mix me something with alcohol in it for me to drink, and if i got drunk, he'd quit his job. :O

and so that's how he ended up bringing his shaker mixer thingy, alcohol and a can of green tea to my room. (he just stays one floor above) :/

and surprisingly, i actually liked it :O *SHOCK*

the very very slight alcohol taste turned me off at first, but because it wasn't very obvious, the drink actually tasted quite good.

so yes, he got to keep his job. :P

Sunday was a really fun night. first time i had more than 1 person in my room staying for longer than 5 minutes. usually people take a look at how messy my room is and just stay outside and wait for me. :C also the first time i actually liked something with alcohol in it. hahaha. i can't tahan more than that small small ratio, though.

Sali slept over the night, and joined us for breakfast the next morning, where people were all wondering where she came from. LOLOL.

...

on a side note, i had dance from 9pm to 2am again. hahaha i can feel my stamina and body giving wayyy~~~

:C

2009-10-17T21:11:00.001+08:00

i'm so sick of all of this. :C

Week 8 updates.

2009-10-10T17:07:00.008+08:00

i finally added my gmail address to this blogger account, so that i can access my blog AND gmail at the same time! phew. what a relief. :D

the user name cool_girl_13091990@hotmail.com now annoys me greatly. :/ i don't know what possessed me to think of such a brilliant username.

i also changed my blog layout! in record time too. (about 10 minutes) lol.

this week was E-learning week, and i guess it's been a pretty eventful week, all in all. :)

MONDAY.

was the day i had the Contemp Tech Class for Eusoff Dance. HAHA this was when i was reminded that i totally PHAIL at Contemp techniques. :/

trust me, it's not a nice thing to find out that you dance less gracefully than your fellow male dancers. T___T

TUESDAY.

i acted as a Thai "gay" massage boy for TS today. :/ no more questions on that pls. haha.

WEDNESDAY.

we had Blast! prac, continuation of Pat's choreo from last week. teo and i were watching the video of the session on this day and were thoroughly amused by how we were so synchronized all the way to the last few eighths, where there was this really strikingly obvious CANNON. LOL.

after prac, we had a mini mooncake party! where Rasul revealed his fantastic Barney lantern, and we had yummy mooncakes to eat! i love the green tea snowskin one and the egg custard one a senior brought back from HK <3!

after that, Rasul and i had to chiong back to Eusoff for formal dinner omgg @___@

(we refused to pay $10 for nothing)

so we headed over to the nearest bus stop with Yanxin and Jason (toh).

Rasul claimed that the buses we could take from the stop were bus B and BTC 1. i had never taken BTC 1 before, so i wasn't sure. *freshie syndrome* so when BTC1 came before B, we proceeded to board the bus.

all seemed to be going well.

until the bus took a sudden U-turn and we began travelling back in the direction where we came from D:

we quickly pressed the bell, but the bus didn't stop at any of the shuttle bus stops along the way!

so we were inside the bus and panicking and wondering if we were going to be taken all the way back to Bukit Timah Law school D: D: D:

@____@

thankfully, the bus stopped at Kent Vale and we took a public bus service back to Eusoff.

/end EPIC PHAIL MOMENT #1.

at the formal dinner, Rasul and i went to take our attendance first at the dining hall, and told the people there that we'd go and change and come back later.

the people there, however, persuaded us to just go in, HipHop basketball shorts/track pants, Spongebob Shirt, Bright Red Cap and all, because since the lights were all off (launching of Green Program), no one would be able to tell.

so that's exactly what we did. xD my first (and probably last) time attending formal dinner in bball shorts and Spongebob oversized shirt. HAHAHA.

we sat with weijie for the dinner, and were complaining that since the hall was super dark, we couldn't even see what we were eating. twice i bit into some unknown veggie, because i was randomly putting food into my mouth.

Rasul tried using his handphone to illuminate the food HAHA before realising he only had one hand to eat.

(EPIC PHAIL MOMENT #2)

it was then that weijie came up with a rather BRIGHT solution to our problem. :D

*pun fully intended*

let's just say that we made thorough use of our table's candles, yeah? ;)

following dinner, we had our first DP Dance Meeting, where we were given our dance outlines. they were in the form of ppt slide handouts--JUST LIKE LECTURE NOTES. i totally D:-ed when i saw it and exclaimed, "WAH. JI LECTURE NOTES." hahaha DP makes me excited :)

we had wj's prac after this which went pretty well.

until i had to leave for IRC meeting.

see, i get super grumpy and in a bad mood when i'm forced to leave a dance prac halfway. it's just a pet peeve of mine. furthermore i wasn't exactly needed in the meeting. so i was rather quietly pissed during the meeting.

supper with nish, angie, yvonne and nicholas cheered me up though. :) nicholas totally stuck his entire head and shoulders into the freezer in 7-11 to reach an ice cream omg xD the video's on facebook and it totally makes me laugh every time i watch it. :P

THURSDAY.

I CUT MY HAIR. :):):)

to be more specific, i layered, re-dyed and re-highlighted it loll. i quite liked it after i came out of the salon, because it was relatively straight and tamed from all the blow-drying. it's a little more frizzy now, but it's still niceee. :)

i wanted the colour to be lighter and more blond-ish. the fake hair on the book that i pointed to was a lot lighter. :/ i'm hoping that it'll fade more. it's currently not exactly the colour i wanted hahaha but it's still nice la.

i think i should be more ambitious with my next haircut. bleach parts of it maybe...?

after the haircut, i had practice with betts for her item. taught her quite a bit and saturated her brain mwahaha. it was a little disappointing to see that she never did the routine full-out, not even once, but she kinda said she was tired la. can't exactly blame her, i guess. i just wanted to see what we'd look like if we both did full out together, but i couldn't do that since she was too tired to do full-out. haha oh well.

later in the night, nish&gang and anne&bert&gang and i all went for Dr. Mark's essay writing talk. it wasn't bad :) Dr. Mark had quite number of pointers to offer us. the refreshments provided after the talk were really yummy too :P i koped sandwiches for eesha, sam and mervyn and walked over to E4 to deliver them to merv.

we then sat at the E4 bench to chill and talk. it was nice sitting there and talking like that, we talked about stuff like fitting into hall, work, our lives, and there was a part in our conversation that i remember pretty clearly.

i was saying something about how i sometimes wished i was girlier. and merv said he sometimes wished he had slightly more rippling muscles.

so i said,

"dude, why do guys think that girls like guys with rippling muscles?"

and he replied,

"and what makes you think that guys like girls who act typically like girls?"

and that kind of stumped me. and all the things that Sali advised me on came back to me. somehow, i felt less alone, with all the support my friends were giving me. i felt... happier, for awhile. :)

Rasoo then called me, bert, and some others over to help him finish leftovers of a BBQ. so yes, this greedy nic went to eat AGAIN. (since i needed to discuss dance stuff with Rasul anyway *excuses*) yumyumyum.

there was a rather serious conversation revolving around DP when i got there. again. Dr. Mark was giving insightful feedback on how things were being run.

when Rasul and i finally got to discussing DP stuff, otah nasi briyani marshmallows crabsticks and satay sauce out of the way, it was already very late. and i was feeling super duper sleepy towards the end. z____z

FRIDAY.

i regretted not sleeping earlier the previous day. lol.

yuhan came over to check out Eusoff studio and we danced a bit. too bad my body was feeling wayy tired and un-dancey. i spent most of my time watching the Wrecking Crew Orchestra video he brought along. :D

we discussed dance stuff, talked about what he was going to buy in Taiwan, and i insisted i wanted FRESH oyster mee sua and fried chicken. :)

yes it's difficult having me as a friend. mwahaha

i settled for an oversized Hiphop shirt though :D

we then headed over to Jurong Point for lunch with Jiayi and Sharon. Jiayi was supersuper late but she had good stuff and good news to share with all of us, over a yummy lunch at this Sichuan food place. ahhh i love the zha jiang mian and suan la tang and red bean pancake there~~

*has sudden craving for red bean pancake*

it was really wonderful hanging out with them again :) and talking about our lives. Jiayi also gave me advice and encouragement on the Aforementioned Issue (see above) which made me feel better as well. :) i really thank the Lord for such caring and encouraging and supportive friends...

TODAY.

AHMAD'S CLASSSSSS.

poor dude was stuck in a jam and came an hour late, so Lina took us for warm-up + PT + Groove training before.

omg the PT nearly killed my arms and abs LOL she did the two of my most hated PTs--the leg-lifts and the Crazy Arm Thing. my arms totally nua-ed off after that. xD

i realised i actually like feeling my muscles die after PT. it feels like i've worked out something to the max, so that it can be pushed to become stronger and better :D i like the fact that i'm doing something to improve my strength and stamina, even if the pain that comes with it sucks.

ahmad's style and choreo are DOPEEEE. everything that everyone has told me about him, about his smooth moves, his sleek choreo, his awesome musicality, and his inspiring "speeches" was proven true today. i simply love his styleeee~~

he said a lot of things that are quote worthy to me to, because they serve as a reminder to me, when i start to question myself about dance, when my parents are so against it and i'm facing so much opposition in my life regarding it.

he told us to prioritize dance.

nono, not just in time and effort. he's not telling us to dao studies, haha. because he understands that being students, we still have to bear in mind studies are super important.

he told us to prioritize dance in our hearts.

when we dance, no matter when or where it is, or for how long, we always have to do it with our hearts wholly in it.

no point letting our countless projects and homework assignments take over that special place dance has in our hearts when we are dancing. how are to dance properly like that?

"you will reach a point when you will start to feel burnt out and saturated from dance,

and that's when you have to remind yourself about the first time you started dancing."

"never forget that first time you started dancing, why you started dancing, and why you still dance."

thanks Lord, for sending me all these.

the support, the inspiration, the motivation this week.

i really need it.

help keep me strong,

because i know i can't do this on my own.

:) thanks for all the love, everyone.

updates on Week 7.

2009-10-02T16:12:00.005+08:00

a lot of bad stuff is happening in everyone's lives.
1) the huge typhoon in the Philippines is still causing major problems for many of the Filipino artists i follow on deviantArt. my prayers go out to them.
2) the huge earthquake in Indonesia is still causing a lot of devastation there as well. the tremors could be felt miles and miles away here! it must've been really very bad :(
3) one of my best friends is in hospital. and it's partially my fault for her being there. SALI I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOUUUU
; ^ ;
4) my other good friend nearly got beaten up by gangsters. praying for her safety.
5) i still can't contact Lex. sigh. guess i saw it coming anyway, can't say i wasn't prepared :)

---

for the less important, more narcisstic details, i shall update on my life thus far.

thus far, i am done with mid-terms. :) not that i had very many to begin with anyway.

New Media was my only official mid-term (the rest were class tests).
so basically after Screwed Up Monday, my days were a lot better than many of my friends'. some of them end midterms only next week. :(

the rest of the week:
had my very first Blast! training with Pat on Wednesday. twas a fun class :) we're continuing the choreo next week--yay! i like the style, and i like how we can all still have room to incorporate our own styles into the choreo <3
*makes it rather gangsta and manly*

teo, weixin, kengwee, jason, gerald and i decided to be ~~dumb~~ hardworking and attempted to join the senior class which was immediately after our junior class.

well. :/

we missed the first few minutes as we thought we weren't allowed to learn the senior stuff. so when it finally occurred to us that we could join, Pat had already taught some choreo. what am i talking about. he had already taught A LOT of choreo. he just basically taught really fast, and we were a little tired, so we lagged like crap. xD

we left after awhile. hahaha. embarrassed ourselves enough.

it was a really nice choreo though <3 to a very nice song. sigh.

had DP auditions Day 1 on Wednesday night. it was very crowded, as expected, but it was nice to be on the judging end for once. i'm happy that everyone on this day tried really hard. :) they learnt fast and i'm quite pleased with many of their attitudes.

Thursday was my Theatre Studies test day. it was. HORRENDOUS.

all the 10 short answer questions had to do with terminologies and definitions and random people who said random theatre-ish stuff. i couldn't answer half the questions.
i looked at the first page and went, "oh shit..."
i turned over the page and went, " HO SHITTT..."

i didn't know what "liminal space" was, i didn't know who on earth said that "just one spectator is needed for a performance to take place", i didn't even know what Edhswish-insertlongcraphere-horizont was.
urgh,
talk about EPIC PHAIL.

after that traumatic test, school went alright. in Korean we learnt about their 1001 public holidays, including Children's Day (yes it's a national PUBLIC holiday), Parent's Day, Mid-autumn (which is a 3 day long holiday), and POCKY DAY. OMG. 11/11. SUPER CUTE. (the numbers look like pocky lol) can't believe it's a public holiday.

then it was DP Auditions Day 2.
this batch was even bigger than the last, and a lot more people who i knew came. like shahshah siteh melvin wilson kiren anne lydia + a lot of seniors like nikhil marcus etc wow the studio was really stuffed with people. like Eusoff Dance auditions.

this was the main reason why i was so happy to be on the judges' end instead of the ones being judged. @___@

after this followed a long discussion to decide which people we were going to let in for DP.

then i went for TEH BING cuz i needed sugar to chiong the Eusoff Tee design.
which i effectively chionged till 6am in teh morning!!

i wanted to wake up for breakfast at 7 but EPIC PHAIL i woke up at 12noon instead. x____x
(can you say PIG)

now i'm just chilling at E1. i was telling nisha that i haven't chilled in a looong time.

i also need to visit sali. misses her a lot a lot. and i still feel partially responsible. visiting her tomorrow at 9.30am :) nice morning visit. <3

alright, gonna head over to Dance Studio soon to choreo routine for Church Dance Auditions. audition after audition lol xD tis fun sia

love, peace and marshmallow-cookies <3

temporal bliss.

2009-09-28T20:53:00.002+08:00

i'm finally done with my HORROR DAY. :D

i haven't felt this happy to be back in my room for a long long time. yes, i was out of hall the ENTIRE DAY today, and only just got back about an hour ago. PHEW.

i concluded that once in awhile, spending the entire day alone isn't that bad a thing. that's kind of what i did today. i decided to be A Loner For A Day! :P

the day started with mum sending me back to hall this morning. was semi-conscious during the car ride. :/
had breakfast, then went for NM tutorial.
which i fell asleep about 20 times in. @___@
(that's a lot considering it's only a 45 minute tutorial)

then i proceeded to The Deck, bought myself a much needed RED BULL (to give me wings), and MUGGED like i haven't mugged in a long time for the next 2 hours or so. i am pleased with how focused i was. and how the red bull kept me awake. <3

getting into LT 11 for NM Midterms was almost as tough as the test itself. :/ there were tonnes of people, either trying to come in, or desperately trying to come out.

and of course, the NM test didn't go so well. which was thoroughly expected of me. sigh.
i never realised how much i DIDN'T know, until i saw the questions and realised that HEY HERE'S SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, oh, here too, and here, and here, and oh wait that's the rest of the questions too.

pffft. :/

after NM, although my brain felt like spontaneously decomposing, i needed to chiong to finish my Philosophy essay. i hid myself away in a corner of the upper level of The Deck and chionged the essay amidst beef noodles. didn't go as well as i hoped. by the time i was supposed to go for Philo Tutorial, i still wasn't happy with it. :/

i still am not happy with it, fyi.

i had to submit it during Philo tutorial LOL whilst i was taking notes about knowledge and virtue and airy fairy nebulous stuff like that. it pretty much amused me. :P

then, for the last lap of the day, i spent the remaining hour at The Deck again, this time at the lower level, pia-ing Korean.

thankfully our sonsengnim is so sweet, she provided us with a crash-course to everything that we've ever learnt in our previous lessons before giving us the test. :)
honestly i found this test the most manageable one today.
but all my friends insisted it was difficult.
:/
i hate it when this happens. when i think something is manageable when everyone says it isn't.
because i don't know if i'm the one being complacent or not.

OH WELL. it's over! i shall relac jac for 1.5 hours more before going back to mugging Theatre Studies.
which i can foresee is going to be MUCH more interesting. :)

cheers and rainbows and stars! <3

OVER. omg

2009-09-18T03:04:00.009+08:00

i'm in such a good mood! :D

betts and sali came over to surprise me with sweet letters, a jar of folded stars, cake and a bigass bouquet of flowers! :O

i was so touchedddd ; ___ ;

Talentime went really smoothly too. everything went on schedule, we were only 10 minutes delayed. so CEMC made the decision to cut the filler item.

i.e. they made the decision to cut Don't Forget the Lyrics. :/

which i had been working on for the past week, skipping homework, readings, projects etc.

sighhh.

at least this means that the next time they need a Don't Forget the Lyrics, i don't need to do another new one for them. :)

SIGH.

anyway, Dance went really well :D even with the lousy stage ala grass patch with random rocks and roots and uneven ground and slippery grass.

i could really feel the energy emanating from everyone! and people watching really enjoyed our performance. which is a really good thing :) after all, we were there to entertain the audience! heheh.

was a little sad that many of my friends missed it though... :( well AT LEAST THERE ARE VIDEOS UP. (though nothing beats a live performance)

i also knocked my head pretty hard against a wall before our performance and it is still swollen and throbbing and affecting my concentration abilities and thinking now.

it could also possibly be the reason for me oversleeping today.

(please note that this blog post was typed on-off across the span of several hours, from early in the morning at 2am till now, almost 7pm)

MOVING ON

the other talentime performances were really good too!

(in chronological order)

Choir: MISSED IT D: was prepping for dance and putting on make-up garrghhh T___T

The Dids: David, Meryn, Mel and WeiNian's band :):):) ahh i love their band musicians!!! i had no idea mervyn could play drums so well! so i INSISTED ON FREE LESSONS. (in exchange for teaching him hiphop dance basics lol.) and omg i didn't know weinian could sing so well either! D: TALENTED PEOPLE.

Individual contestants: were few but pretty good la :) there was one girl with a crazy soprano, like WOW.

Asteria: Sarah's band! oh gosh i'm totally in love with Sarah's voice! she's got this powerful, belting voice that enables her to pull off songs like Paramore's Decode. oh wow it's so awesome to hear her sing, man. and her guitarists are really good too...

Block D: i still can't get lime green and bright yellow bikinis out of my mind when i think about this item. @___@ good gosh talk about DISTURBING.

but i loved their item overall, because almost the entire block was involved! there were dance segments, like this MJ dance segment where Andrew was the "Michael" and totally did COOL SHIT complete with moonwalk, pelvic thrusts, flicks and swings and whatnots. oh and the bollywood dance was ADORABLE too!

Block C's perf made me want to play worms!!!! :D

Block B: AH I LOVE THE SWIMMING PART. oh gosh i love how serious they looked while they were doing such RIDICULOUS things!! XD and Stuck's face of sheer bliss was simply awesome to behold.

after the entire event was over, i went back to the dance studio to open it for people who needed to get stuff, and meet eeshashashasha! <3 oh mervyn came along too, and we carried out HIPHOP LESSON PART I. where basically mervyn just bugged and whined for me to teach him hiphop basics. he actually wants to learn breakdancing as well :O

when i went back outside to check if CEMC needed any help with saigang, they asked me out for (yeah you saw it coming) SUPPERRR. haha. then CEMC + The Dids followed me back to dance studio and totally disrupted Eesha's choreographing session by insisting that they wanted to play Don't Forget the Lyrics since they didn't get to play it during the event XD so yes these people just totally got high in the studio. on air.

supper was funny too, we were all just being lame and high and freakingly glad that it's over. whoooooo

after that was LESSON PART II. this time with more peoplez and not just mervyn. XD

had so much fun last night. a bit too much fun, though. was tired out and couldn't wake up this morning in time to meet my New Media project group GAH D: if not for nisha and her generosity in lending me her printer, my NM group would probably want to chop me up and stew me now @____@

shit i never oversleep la. x(

oh on a side note, there was a power cut/blackout during Philo lecture today, just when Prof Holbo was talking about how people believed the gods would strike them with lightning if they ever melted beeswax (which makes no coherent anyway yup).

so the moment the lights went out, someone totally yelled,

"SOMEBODY MELTED BEESWAX HERE."

xD talk about quick application of lessons learnt during lecture.

-------------------------------------

there are some things which i have had to learn the hard way.

maybe if i just didn't think so much about it and place so much emphasis on it, i wouldn't be so troubled and worked up about it.

if i could just take things easy, and take this particular situation as it comes,

if i could just let things be

instead of trying too hard.

if i lower my expectations to zero, i won't be disappointed anymore.

everything will be better than what i expect it to be.

because my expectations started out at NOTHING.

a lot of the happy things in my life are things i never thought i could possess or experience.

the happiest things happened to me when i didn't expect them to happen at all.

either that or they made me happy because they exceeded my expectations.

either way,

it really doesn't pay to expect too much. or maybe even expect anything at all.

but why do i still do that..?

sometimes the things i do really don't make sense.

why do i sound so serious, man. i intended to make this section of my blog update a rather insightful and pensive account of what i'm thinking.

sometimes, i wish i didn't act like a boy.

but if this is really who i am,

i'd rather be who i am and take this shit

than try to be someone i'm NOT.

2009-09-17T00:53:00.003+08:00

in a bad mood today.

being overworked + having too little sleep puts me in a bad mood.

a really bad mood.

look, it's a not a nice thing to happen, but it's normal, okay.

people with 3 hours of sleep a night + dance every day + other saigang every night tends to be in deep need of an avenue to vent out her pent-up stress.

i'm just really tired and sleep-deprived. beh. :C

New groups and birthdays and manhood

2009-09-16T01:25:00.004+08:00

by some random conversations revolving around the yummiest food there is in Singapore, Eesha and I had the brainwave of starting a Eusoff Gourmet Club. xD

President: Anne

Vice-president cum saigang food blogging: NicT (me)

Vegetarian Section Head: Eesha

Halal Section Head: Rasul

because we believe there HAS to be good Halal and Veg food in Singapore. :)

then a random conversation with Rasul and Eesha led to the prospective formation of yet ANOTHER committee! the Shorties (Dancer) Crew!

members so far:

Eesha, Rasul, me, Weijie, Ali.

requirements:

160cm and below for girls.

165cm and below for guys.

also, although i wasn't spoilt with a big birthday celebration this year, my wonderful Eusoff friends came to surprise me with a BIG TUB of Ben & Jerry's ice cream with decorations saying "Happy Birthday!" all over the place. :D i guess it's because i totally wasn't expecting it, which made it even more special and awesome and fun. ^--^

i still haven't eaten it. haha. i'd better do it quickly before it mysteriously disappears, like most Ben & Jerry's products in Eusoff.

that aside, the Theatre Studies 1101E gang went to watch a play entitled Manhood today.

it was really good. :D

my favourite scenes were the salesperson's monologue,

the 3 statues,

the blind date.

other scenes that struck a chord were:

the one where the wife leaves because the husband

the wedding scene.

i shall elaborate more on these another time. now, to sleep!

happy birthday, nic.

2009-09-14T01:49:00.004+08:00

should i be honest about today?

i think i shall.

i think. this is probably the loneliest birthday i've ever spent in my entire life. hahaha.

not that no one wished me happy birthday.

i was really happy to receive 3 calls, 20++smses coupled with 70 facebook wall posts from friends, all wishing me happy birthday <3>

but it felt weird that the people who i met in person today were people who didn't even know it was my birthday. it's different to have people wishing you in person, compared to texting you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUACKS". although i was really happy to receive so many of the latter, (really i was!) it was weird when no one in church...well yeah. except sweet emily <3>

i think. i'm expecting too much. :/

after all, dad and mum brought me for a nice lunch together. and i got to go to kino. and far east and bought 2 pairs of nice pretty flats. <3>

but it just feels like something missing. :/

hmm.

i'm not really sure what.

the noise, maybe?

or, the company?

i'm not sure.

well. all i know is that i spent most of today chionging projects and Talentime work.

New Media due on Mon (few hours time)

Japanese Studies due on Tues

Talentime on Thurs WHOOHOO

and i am thoroughly stressed and feel as if i have wasted my birthday away. :C

*is sad*

i guess i miss my friends...? haha. this is what i get for not being thick-skinned enough to organise a party for myself. HAHA that would make me rather narcissistic, wouldn't it? :/

so yea. not much happened today. nothing exciting, nothing different.

i guess this is what happens when my bday falls on a weekend.

on a side note i am wondering whether mummy is going to let me stay in hall in year 2 because she seems to be finding hall fees rather unnecessarily expensive and is trying to get me to come home more often.

...shit. :C

week 5.

2009-09-13T00:21:00.002+08:00

Blast! Prac today was a technique training class--isolations and body waves/rolls. :D a bit of groove too, i.e. downbeat, upbeat, rocking and jacking. (<3s jacking)

i felt so happy and relaxed doing the choreo, because it's simply a very laxing choreo. xD
there are hits and hard beats but everything is generally very relaxed and groovy.
AND THERE WAS SO MUCH JACKING. <3<3<3 sweet.

aside from today, i've been sleeping around 4-5am every night, each night doing different things.
on one night, i was distracted on the computer.
another night i was finalising dance and Talentime stuff.
on yet another night, Eesha and i camped in Rasul's room watching dope choreos on youtube. xD (youtube gang!)
and of course. who can forget the night we stayed up to accompany Eesha and watch her finish a 1 litre carton of orange juice because she dropped the cap on the floor.

hall life is getting better. :)

i'm getting to know people better, and i'm starting to get used to the whole independent-ness of uni-life.
i realised that all this while, i've been exceedingly sheltered, i've been indecisive, i've always been relying on others to make decisions for me.

then all of a sudden, i'm thrown into an environment that requires me to sometimes make swift independent decisions in order to lead people well. i can't always rely on someone else to start the ball rolling.
sometimes i've got to be the proactive one.
sometimes i've got to be the one that decides.

It's kinda pressurizing sometimes, to make a decision that you know will directly impact a lot of people, many of whom mean quite a lot to you.
but someone's got to do it.
and someone's got to answer for it when they make the wrong decision.

we can't always remain neutral and avoid blame that way.
sometimes we'll be hated for doing something we love or believe in,
because sometimes people can't see why we do certain things
or why we believe in certain things. or people, for that matter.

haha, i sound as if i'm trying to be mature, but i've still got so much more to learn. :)
especially when it comes to dance.

yes, seeing certain people freestyle is thoroughly damaging to my ego. but then again, killing one's ego is a good way to remind oneself that we've still got a long way to go. in terms of freestyle, i run out of moves after a couple of eighths. honestly, what kind of freestyle is that, man. -__-
i'm not as good a dancer as i want to be yet,
i've still got so much more to improve on,
so this is definitely not the time to take it easy or be complacent.
i don't want to let down the people who have so much faith in me,
who are always encouraging me,
who have never stopped believing in me, even when i used to be whack. whacker.

i've learnt my place, where i stand, and what it means to be humble.
i've learnt that many things are out of my league, and are currently inaccessible to me.
i have learnt not to take things for granted.

and i have also learnt to be happy, and to continue having faith no matter what happens. :)

God is good! all the time!

on a side note, it's my birthday today. :)

shopping and sorts

2009-09-05T03:03:00.004+08:00

had the Most Productive Shopping Session EVER with Sali at Peninsular Shopping Centre today! :D

(i think Peninsular is actually spelt without the "r" for this case, but i can't stand my mac underlining spelling errors with those annoying red squiggly lines so peninsulaR it is. :) )

didn't get absolutely EVERYTHING on my shopping list, but i got most of the stuff i needed and wanted PLUS additional items i didn't expect to get!

1. first i got this nice dark purple shirt--my first purple tshirt EVER.

2. white basketball shorts (below knees) which came with a white basketball jersey. actually i only wanted the pants, because they were really nice and big and comfy and WHITE (pretty colour) but the entire set cost $10 so i had to take the shirt. it's really big and comfy too, Sali suggested that i could use it as sleeping attire LOL

3. this NICE SPONGY BRIGHT RED CAP WITH A FACE. <3!>

(people with small heads can't wear hats like these because it'd look far too big on them.

HA TAKE THAT SMALL-HEADED PEOPLE.)

although i was afraid i might look like Super Mario, its cool-ness and cute-ness won me over. <3

4. BAGGY CLOTH HIPHOP PANTS. MAN these took the longest time to find! i walked all over Peninsular from top to bottom, going into every shop to look for them. nowadays the shops there sell A LOT of skinny jeans (which i cannot wear thanks to my unshapely legs) and almost none sell these hiphop comfy cloth pants anymore.

so i was really disappointed when i wandered into this shop downstairs which didn't look like it'd have it either.

i walked in, asked the shopkeeper if they had baggy cloth pants for the 15th time, expecting to be disappointed again,
and he pointed to these big baggy red cloth pants.

i totally jumped with excitement! XD

bought a black one and a grey one! (2 in total!) i can't match the bright red one with many shirts from my wardrobe haha and they ran out of this really really nice royal blue one.

ahhh i'm so happy i finally have cloth pants, they're super duper comfyyyy~~~ ^o^

thanks Sali for coming shopping with me! though we didn't manage to get shoes, i'm still really happy with our purchases today :D we should totally do this again sometime. <3

after shopping, i joined The Breakfast Gang for dinner where they were totally stirring shit lol.

and i've been up doing CEMC + Talentime stuff since then. @___@

i'm going to put my clothes in the dryer now,

sleeping for 1 hour,

waking up to take them out,

going back to sleep,

then waking up in 3 hours time to stir some more shit.

oh yeah, and to go for dance camp. haha.

i hope i don't pass out tomorrow LOL